DIY court maintenance!! aka Legally Blonde gone wrong!!!

LegacyUser

Hey,

I really need some help, advice and hopefully some personal experiences from other boardies. Its quite a long winded one but i will try to keep in what actually is relevent but apologises if i babble!!

My ex and i broke up 19 months ago, we have 2 kids and at the time of the break up there was €63,000 in HIS bank account (i know, stupid me). We had a horrible relationship and for the 13 years we were together, months of it was living apart. Our oldest child is 11 and youngest is 9. The money that was saved was to be for a family home for us and we managed to save it by setting aside most of his wages and living off mine. He paid in €150 in my acc every week and saved pretty much everything else. Anyway, we finished and he agreed verbally to give 25k to and he was buying a house for himself with his share. He didnt!!!...

I got a solicitor, mounted up and bill and its getting no where!! I cannot speak to him at all as its just so volatile. He is completely nasty and totally selfish. He requested a DNA test on both of the kids which i agreed to, surprize surprize they are his!!! (i think he wanted a financial get out) I've been to court already about access and that's sorted and working well. The kids stay with him every 2nd weekend, Friday eve to Sunday eve and that's all the contact they have. He doesn't ring during the time they are at home or have any interest in their life outside of his weekend with them but the kids are happy enough so thats the only thing that matters. We agreed that he would keep paying €150per week as maintenance but is only paying €100!! I cannot afford the solicitor fee's any longer and it look's like it would need to go to the high court and after 19 months of hell, i'm just going to have to put it down to a major lesson learned in regards to the savings. I just want to move on......

So here's where am at now!!! I work full-time i come out after tax with €500. I pay at least €160 childcare, €125 Rent, €125 outstanding loan and whatever food, utiltities, petrol..etc basically i'm up the creek!!! The father paid not a cent towards back to school which came to €980 but hey, he bought himself a 2010 Hondo Civic with cash (not that i'm bitter!!) and a house for himself. I've issued a summons for maintenance and am due in court on early October and I'm going to try to represent myself!!

Sorry for such a long, drawn out post but i figured it best to give all the gory details to get the most accurate advice..... I NEED IT!!

Thanks in advance! :0)

Moonbeam

Were you married to him?(It makes a big difference in the eyes of the law)
Did you apply for free legal aid?(not sure if it applies but worth looking in to)

Klingon Hamlet

Verbal agreements are a no-no. Keep everything on paper.

Have you considered mediation? He sounds highly disagreeable but it could be a way of keeping this as civil as possible (if possible!).

Keep all receipts and statements and bills, and bring them into court with you. Show the judge how much it costs and how hard it is to bring up two young children.

He'll be expected to show how much money he's earning.

OP I hope everything works out for you. Court should always be the last resort but it sounds like you've exhausted every ohter option )and cent). Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies...

No, we never married. I wish there was some way to just settle this between ourselves but he is in no way prepared to. We don't speak at all and in the past if i rang or sent a text regarding the kids, he would never reply. He has no interest in keeping/getting on good terms with me and has stated this. I couldn't be bothered but it's hard on the kids at times.

He has said to me because "I took his kids away from him" the bond with them is gone and he will take them on his weekend but that's as far as it goes. He was always so maniplative and often used the kids to get me to stay in the relationship but thankfully i wised up. I really have just given up on getting my share of the savings. I even begged him to open an account for each of the kids and split my share between the pair of them for when they reach 18 but this guy is just scum, he's just out for himself. I don't want to be consumed with bitterness and just live in the past. Its time to move on. Besides Karma is a bitch..... I'm sure he will get his..

My battle with him now really is just the maintenance... I'm literally starting from scratch all over again and have no savings just debts. For the kids sake i need to get a fair maintenance so that we aren't struggling as much as we are right now. I am in no way looking for anything for me, i just want him to cover half of the costs for their upkeep. Right now i would be better off in so many ways on Lone parents but that's no a road i want to go down.

I got a letter off his solicitor this morning requesting a statement of means, my P60 and wage slips etc because I'm representing myself, this is where i need the most advice!! Is this the norm??? How should i go about this?? Should i forward on these documents and am i entitled to request his??

Nevyn

No one here can give you legal advice re what his solcitor wants, I suggest you appy for legal aid.

LegacyUser

Im not entitled to legal aid nor any state benefits, my income is €20 too much apparently.... they don't take into account that my childcare cost's can be as much as €300 per week (holidays,midterms) which is half of my income!

I don't mean to ask for legal advice but i was hoping to hear any personal experiences from other people and how they went through the process. Perhap's somebody may know of a website or organisation, Im really just looking for information of how to prepare.

What do other people do when they can't afford a solicitor????

Wantobe

Why not have a word with the district court clerk- they may be able to tell you what paperwork the judge usually looks for and how the whole thing will operate. Some judges will not hear the application without a written statement of means from both parties and the district court clerk could guide you on that in your area.

An application for maintenance is going to be very income/expenditure driven, so it's a good idea to have all the facts and figures at hand. That means both your own but also what you know of his, and anything you can use to prove that. So you said he's driving a 2010 Honda- can you prove it? He's bought a house- can you prove it? Do you know what he's earning, whether he has over time etc?

It's probably a good idea to look for a statement of means from him too and to go through it before the application with a fine toothcomb. Income minus expenditure= available money for him or you. Sometimes the expenditure will be deliberately high so you have to check each item of expenditure. Eg if you or he is spending 200Euro per month on telephone bills- why? Etc.

I'm trying to answer with common sense rather than professional advice here so I hope I haven't crossed the line.

LegacyUser

Wantobe thank you so much! That really helps alot, it gives me an idea of what to get working on. I have payslips and P60's ready and I kept all the receipts for the back to school cost's, swimming fee's and there is certainly plenty of bills!!

The only thing is that my childminder is non-registered and isn't tax compliant so getting receipts might be an issue. What's the best way to prove these costs, do you think?? The truth is she is a hell of alot cheaper than what i would pay elsewhere in a private creche and it's suits the kids to be in a home from home environment. Both my parents work full-time so it's not a case that i'm getting free childcare and the father know's this only too well as i have paid childcare since i went back to work 7 years ago but i expect he will contest these. Do you think i should get quotes from other childcare providers to show that the costs are competitive and perhaps a letter from the childminder to confirm the costs???

Wantobe

Those are great ideas- a letter from your childminder and comparative costs in your area. Remember you will not be expected to be a lawyer in this application- just tell the truth. If something comes up that you didn't anticipate then just say that. You'll be fine.

LegacyUser

First of all I'm going to give you a BIG cyber HUG for everything you are going through and say 'well done' for getting wise and leaving that asshole! I was where you are today - 6 years ago. I've a similar story to you girl, but just one child and no money or assets shared, but he did try to claim that I owed him money etc. I've been in and out of District Court for last 6 years and it is not as scary as you think, when I think back to those pre-court wrangling days, I'm damn sorry I didn't get his ass into court a lot sooner!

I'm a regular poster, but using a false name for this as all family law court actions are supposed to be 'in camera' (top secret) and putting ANY details online would hold me in contempt of court. 'In Camera' rule is something that I've despised and love to blow the secrets out on (!)

You can represent yourself quite easily in the district court, if he has a solicitor and you don't - the judge will be more sympathetic and may possibly help your case along if he sees you are not doing a good hash yourself.

You won’t have a lot of time in court to have your say – I would advise you to summarise the main points; do not bad mouth him, stay calm, stay professional, do not get emotional and address the Judge at all times. Try and get your word in first as I presume this is your order? It’s enough to say: “Good morning Judge, my name is ... and I have two children A and B with the defendant Mr Y. We cohabited for X years but the relationship ended in month/year. I’m here today to get an agreement on and order for payment of child maintenance. We have been mediating for X months with no success; I have letters here from my solicitor to prove this, included results of paternity requests that Mr Y asked for in month/year which I fully cooperated with. Unfortunately as the matter dragged on I was no longer able to pay my solicitor to continue the mediation – and felt I had no option left but to bring this matter before the courts and beg your honour’s help us in finding a resolution.”

By the way: Regarding his request for P60s, wage slips etc. That is just ‘standard request’ but since it’s HIS income that will be taken into account more than yours; it is fine to exchange statement of means etc pre-court and wait til before the Judge to put any extra hard evidence bills/receipts (only TWICE in 6 years did a Judge ever ask me for my written statement of means and NEVER have I had to give additional proof for anything on it... The judge always focused on the father’s income more than mine) Like a mug I gave everything to the father’s solicitor and got NOTHING of his in return. Once I got a solicitor (as the arrears had really piled up and he was ‘now disputing paternity’) and she told me never give anything other than a statement of means. DO have evidence to hand every time just in case the Judge does ask you for proof if he questions your means.
However as it can look bad on you if you are seen to ‘refuse to cooperate’ with his ‘requests’ so you should send a simple reply back give an outline of your incomings/outgoings (like what you said up above) offering to bring proof of same on the day in court. Do ask for an official statement of his means in return.

If you have his bank account number – put it in the letter asking him to bring in 2 years of statements of same for discussion on the day. You may need to prove co-habitation: do bring in family photos of you all in happier times over a few years to show that you had more than just relationship – you lived together. Letters addressed to him at your address? Bills in joint names? You can bring this up to the judge that it was a joint house savings account which he held (why was it not in joint names girl???) but to be honest unless you contributed directly to this account you may not have a leg to stand on. If you don’t win this – let it go... concentrate on getting maintenance and school expenses (a extra once off yearly payment) for your children.

You do not always have to show formal receipts, telling Judge that you pay your childminder in cash is fine - I only had to show a signed letter from my childminder stating she was minding my child for x per week/month, never had to show it.

If he starts going on in court, let him rant, you do not say anything – just wait your turn to speak. Calmly, unemotional and rationally. The access order is not before the court? If it is, explain the current arrangements and how well it’s working out.

Good luck!

Dors1976

Very best of luck - it's not that bad doing it by yourself, I only had a solicitor once and that was years ago.

Log on to www.solo.ie there is a great way to work out your expenses there, invaluable.

It is nerve wracking, being honest but the judges know that.

Agree with Experienced Court Attendee - short concise points will help and best of luck!

pickarooney

Be sure you won't cause your childminder any trouble by declaring expenditure if it's off the books.