Maintenance and guardianship

V.J

Can someone please help me?

I split from my son's mother five years ago. We were never married. If things were bad before they got worse!
She made me go to court to get guardianship, I paid loads of money on a good solicitor as she told me Id never see my child again, and then the day of the court she signed the form.

I pay her €90 every week in maintenance, although I have him Tues-Sun most weeks. Myself and my new girlfriend (four years back) have been keeping track of the days and they are becoming fewer and fewer. This doesnt bother me nor my girlfriend as we love having him around, and I didnt really mind paying her maintenance either. Its only recently, when Im thinking of how much money Im giving her for having him one day per week (sometimes she has him two days), that Im starting to get annoyed. She never has him weekends, so we would pay a babysitter if ever we want to go out for dinner etc. I always pay at least half of his school books, uniform, dentist and doctor. If at all I miss a payment (I dont always make it to the bank on fridays) she rings me on saturday demanding her money. It feels like Im paying for her wedding in december. Id much prefer to put this money into a savings account for my son's college.

Im a tradesman so some weeks are good, others are quite bad. She hasnt been working for the last few years, only on and off, she has done a few courses but they didnt lead to anything, some days she works for cash in a shop, now she has worked in a shop for a few weeks but I dont know if thats cash or not.

I went to my solicitor last week to see what I can do. She was absolutely disgusted to hear about how much Im paying for that one day. She told me I have to decide what I want to do. Definitely cut the maintenance anyway, but also whether or not I want to go for custody.

I wouldnt mind if she was a great mother but every time she comes for him or I bring him to her house he starts crying and doesnt want to go because she slaps him and tells him he's bold all the time. If ever he's with her for more than one day, lets say two nights in a row, he has nightmares and fights with her in his sleep (he talks - screams at her in his sleep).

We're just after getting planning permission and are living in a mobile home on site as we are hoping to get working on the house soon. My solicitor said that if I go for full custody there will be social workers out to check on us before there can be a decision made. Will us living in a mobile home matter?

Im also afraid to go for custody in case she decides to take him more. She has another child of 3 whom she dotes on (but its a girl and she always wanted one). She isnt very caring when it comes to our son and he has often told me that she called him stupid or little fu**er etc.

Any advice? Please help! Im going crazy!

metrovelvet

She only has him Sunday and Monday? Why?

If he is living with you you shouldn't be paying maintenance.

Nevyn

Keep a record of all the time he spends with you and pics of his room ect and talk to the solictor about applying for custody and getting maintnce off her.

V.J

She doesnt want him anymore days than that, when I asked for guardianship our solicitors worked out that I would have our son every second Wednesday and then three weekends per month, but this never happened. Im delighted to have him as much as I do and thats why Im afraid she will try and get him more if I tell her I want custody/cutting the maintenance.

Every time that she has seen him they have been fighting, he has been "evicted" from her house several times and told he is the boldest child in the world, she rings him a few times during the week and asks well, are you coming home, and when he says no she just says ok so good night.

I dont think Ill ever get maintenance off her, and dont think I will look for it either. She will give up her job and take him more so that she will look like the "victim" if we did go to court.

Also, shes a brilliant actress, when people are looking shes all about him, letting everyone think shes a great mother, but people who know her know that she doesnt care.

His bedroom in the mobile is very small, not that he suffers or anything because the whole mobile is small, and the garden is huge.

Thanks for the advice!

V.J

metrovelvet wrote: »

She only has him Sunday and Monday? Why?

If he is living with you you shouldn't be paying maintenance.

She normally picks him up after school on monday at 2.40 pm and then has him for the afternoon, then drops him to school on tuesday. And thats it.


But my diaries that I have kept over the last three years, will they be much help if we did go to court? I mean, all they really are is something that I have written down. Will they belive me?

Nevyn

V.J wrote: »

She doesnt want him anymore days than that, when I asked for guardianship our solicitors worked out that I would have our son every second Wednesday and then three weekends per month, but this never happened. Im delighted to have him as much as I do and thats why Im afraid she will try and get him more if I tell her I want custody/cutting the maintenance.

Every time that she has seen him they have been fighting, he has been "evicted" from her house several times and told he is the boldest child in the world, she rings him a few times during the week and asks well, are you coming home, and when he says no she just says ok so good night.

If this is going on I suggest you go talk to a socail worker.
They work out of your local health clinic and talk to them about what is going on and get them to talk to him an asses what is happening.
Explain your concerns and get advice from them.

V.J

Thaedydal wrote: »

If this is going on I suggest you go talk to a socail worker.
They work out of your local health clinic and talk to them about what is going on and get them to talk to him an asses what is happening.
Explain your concerns and get advice from them.

But do you think there's a chance then that they will tell her she needs to spend more time with him? I know Im being selfish but I have gotten used to having him around everyday now and I really dont want to "lose" any of the days I have with him. I get the feeling that social workers tend to take the mothers side, she could easily tell them that he only wants to be with me because I let him off with everything (which I dont) and that she is the victim here.

Last year he had terrible nightmares and was feeling very upset, I had begged her to agree to let him see someone like a child psychologist as had been suggested by my close friend and doctor, eventually when he broke the window in her car when she left him in it and he had asked her not to she decided to bring him to one. She said she would talk to her, then to me, then to our child. But she never talked to me, she said she needed more time to support my ex. Then she came back telling me that I have to just drop him and go, that I cant go in to her house and that if he cries and begs me to stay I have to tell him he has to stay with his mum.

I had tried this but as he kept crying she turned around to him and said fine, go back with your dad. So I told her that if I had to do it so had she, but she didnt bother.

Sorry Im on a rant now!
All Im worried about is that she will lie and that that will lead to her trying to take him more.