Cursing at kids....

Quality

I have to get this off my chest... I am sick to death of hearing people cursing at their kids, or calling their kids names.

That little fu**er, that little bi**h you get the message.

I dont understand how people can calll their children names and it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be around the person when they are doing it.

I usually tell the person that they shouldn't be calling their child names in as nice away as possible.

I brought my son to his swimming lessons yesterday, and one of the fathers shouted at his son to get out of the f**king pool before he'd box the head off him. His child is 5

I just wish people could think before they talk.

cynder

I can understand why someone would after asking their kid 20 times to get out of the pool and then in a fit they curse, not everone is perfect.

I say the threat to beat the child was only a threat, how many times have i been told by my mother that she'll kill me. Well im still alive. Im sure your see the kid at the next lesson with his head still attatched.


Perhaps swearing at a child is wrong but sometimes its a release of pressure from the parent (before they explode). I know a lot of 5 year olds that don't listen to what they are being told and perhaps parents need to work a bit on their self control, I'm sure they don't like the fact that they curse at their kids, but the parent/s may feel if they add that one word the kids will do as told because then the kids realise the parent is getting mad.

only a thought!

Quality

grindelwald wrote: »

I can understand why someone would after asking their kid 20 times to get out of the pool and then in a fit they curse, not everone is perfect.

I say the threat to beat the child was only a threat, how many times have i been told by my mother that she'll kill me. Well im still alive. Im sure your see the kid at the next lesson with his head still attatched.


Perhaps swearing at a child is wrong but sometimes its a release of pressure from the parent (before they explode). I know a lot of 5 year olds that don't listen to what they are being told and perhaps parents need to work a bit on their self control, I'm sure they don't like the fact that they curse at their kids, but the parent/s may feel if they add that one word the kids will do as told because then the kids realise the parent is getting mad.

only a thought!

I dont agree, i think of all things you should show respect to your kids.. Calling them names is horrible and common...

I dont feel it is acceptable at all...

I hate to hear young kids swearing, and you know that they are learning it from home..

Now I am no angel,, I use the all the f, b and c words. But not to describe my kids or used at them... How awful..

If my mother callled me a little cu*t.. I think I would cry..

cynder

I didn't say it was acceptable,

I was saying perhaps some parents are stressed and in a fit of anger curse at them or use a curse when instructing them to do something, and i can understand that, it doesn't mean i condone it.

When a child asks for something 20 times and you've said no 20 times its easy to turn round and say ' for f*** sake NO'. Its not that they don't respect them its just at their wits end of the kids nagging them. Perhaps a sharp smack on the bum would be better or to shout at them?

lynski

i think there is a difference between FFS and u little f****r.
calling anyone names is so impolite and the absolute last resort of an ignorant person
I have friends who call each other names in front of their children, like you f****r, stupid so and so and i was so shocked the last time i was in their house, a while ago now and it will be awhile before my 2 are exposed to that again.
I give time-outs for use of idiot and stupid, swear words are not heard in our house at all.

metrovelvet

Quality wrote: »

I dont agree, i think of all things you should show respect to your kids.. Calling them names is horrible and common...

I dont feel it is acceptable at all...

I hate to hear young kids swearing, and you know that they are learning it from home..

Now I am no angel,, I use the all the f, b and c words. But not to describe my kids or used at them... How awful..

If my mother callled me a little cu*t.. I think I would cry..

I'd rather my mother call me a little **** than some of the other things she says to me.

I call myself a stupid idiot in front of my three year old when I do something stupid.

smelltheglove

I dont like abusive language at all, I spent a long time not cursing but I find when I am stressed I do curse a bit more, like for **** sake or fecking hell sometimes my other half calls the kids a little shoite btu in a kidding term, when they do a trick on him or something, the youngest says back hey, im not a shoite but its playful, she knows she shouldnt be saying it, the eldest wouldnt repeat bad words at all. Some people have higher expectations of respect.

cynder

smelltheglove wrote: »

I dont like abusive language at all, I spent a long time not cursing but I find when I am stressed I do curse a bit more, like for **** sake or fecking hell sometimes my other half calls the kids a little shoite btu in a kidding term, when they do a trick on him or something, the youngest says back hey, im not a shoite but its playful, she knows she shouldnt be saying it, the eldest wouldnt repeat bad words at all. Some people have higher expectations of respect.

That's what im talking about^^^^

But when i say i understand it I get jumped on, but when someone says hey my husband does it, then its acceptable.


*By the way i see nothing wrong with your post, not an attack on you

Quality

grindelwald wrote: »

That's what im talking about^^^^

But when i say i understand it I get jumped on, but when someone says hey my husband does it, then its acceptable.


*By the way i see nothing wrong with your post, not an attack on you

I don't think I jumped on you, I wasn't trying to upset you.

I just hate to hear people calling children names.

I know people slip and I have done it myself and cursed around the kids.
I just hate the whole

That little f***** or come here you stupid b****.

cynder

Quality wrote: »

I don't think I jumped on you, I wasn't trying to upset you.

I just hate to hear people calling children names.

I know people slip and I have done it myself and cursed around the kids.
I just hate the whole

That little f***** or come here you stupid b****.

I complete understand that, its not ideal , its not nice.

But that's life, as far as i see it it could be worse, instead of cursing at the young chap he could have been beating the living daylights out of him. Its probably the way some people vent their anger, some people leave the room count to ten and go back in again.


Looking at the whole thing on a whole its not nice, but it could be worse. I'm sure no child gets long term damage from the occasional curse, but if its done day in day ou,t all the time to humiliate and degrade it can have an effect on the child's emotional/psychological well being and would lead to poor self confidence and and poor self esteem.

littlebug

What's the norm in one household might not be in another. Swearing is rare in our house... not a conscious decision but we just don't and we don't ever call each other names. Language used at home will be replicated by children outside the home. At the school gate I frequently hear the young boys coming out shouting at each other "come back here ya f***er" or "ya wee bo***x" and you know what I think my two would get upset if someone called them names even in a lighthearted manner because it's not their norm.
I think it's horrible hearing swear words coming out of childrens mouths.

Cróga

Quality wrote: »

I dont understand how people can calll their children names and it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be around the person when they are doing it.

Their parents did the same to them. They're traumatised, brain damaged, and never went to therapy or pursued self knowledge to help heal themselves is one theory.

Quality wrote: »

I usually tell the person that they shouldn't be calling their child names in as nice away as possible.

Much respect to you, it takes guts to do something like this. Not only are you giving the parent a reality check you are also giving the child a template of another parent. What i mean is, children have immature brains and their template of the world will come from the parents because they're dependent on them. If they are always subject to emotional abuse they will grow up fearing the world or have other issues. By going up to the parent and saying that this isnt acceptable behavior you are actually helping the child because the child sees another adult telling their parents that their behavior isnt normal. So much kudos.

grindelwald wrote: »

I can understand why someone would after asking their kid 20 times to get out of the pool and then in a fit they curse, not everone is perfect.

True they're not perfect but they do have the responsibility of raising a child. It doesnt take much effort to at least buy or borrow some parenting books on how to handle children in a non-aggressive way. If they have to ask their child more than once then the situation isnt the problem. Their relationship with the child is the problem in the first place. Lack of credibility on the parents behalf maybe?

If the parents treat their kids like slaves ordering them to do something the slave has no capacity or practical ability to be able to resist the orders of the master. A slave doesnt have the ability to say no or negotiate or to express preferences. If the slave tries to assert himself he gets attacked or punished by the master. By the parent ordering the child around this shows to the child that the parents feelings and needs are really important BUT the childs dont exist. This creates resentment. When the master orders the slave to do something the slave cant say no because he'll be punished but that doesnt mean the resentment goes away, it makes it worse actually. What option does the slave have? The slaves resentment manifests into passive aggression. When the master orders the slave to do something the slave will do it but because it has no choice the slave will do it badly, make mistakes, postpone, act stupid, break something, do it in an unproductive way..... or not get out of the pool when asked so many times. This is the slaves passive aggression going back at the master. The slave then makes the master frustrated which means the master becomes a slave having to constantly order the slave around and check up on them. (that's why slavery never worked by the way).

LordSutch

Quality wrote: »

I have to get this off my chest... I am sick to death of hearing people cursing at their kids, or calling their kids names.

That little fu**er, that little bi**h you get the message.

I dont understand how people can calll their children names and it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be around the person when they are doing it.

Scary stuff & pretty rough sounding, swearing at children should be a a Big No No in any household :mad:

smelltheglove

Just to throw this in there, I think there is a huge difference between the odd stressed curse or in the kidding terms and aggressive cursing. The first few times my hubbiecalled the little one a little shiote I was far from impressed but thats him and the kids know its not nice to curse and that he's just kidding.

I have seen as was mentioned above, parents grab a child and say ye little f-ing bollix in an agressive way which is a whole different ball game and something that actually sickens me tbh. Even is a parent says to a child come here and I bait ya or wait till you get home Im gonna batter you, no curses there but a bit too aggresive for my liking.

I was talking to a girl in work about this recently and I was saying that there is a big difference between cursing in front of your kids, and cursing at them.

I sometimescurse in front of my daughter, but I never curse at her. I completely agree with Quality, there's something just not right about it. Now, I would say, ya flippin eejit, but it would be something that the two of us would be laughing about and she'd say it back. Because I curse, I would never scold her for doing the same, but I just say to her it's not really that nice and that it's not nice when I say it, as a result, she's maybe cursed 4 or 5 times in her 6 years, and if I'm honest, most of those is when she's telling Dad what Mam said

I think threatening to physically hurt a child is absolutely disgraceful, there is absolutely no excuse for it.

wolfpawnat

My son is going to grow up thinking words that I use for swear words are swear words when they are not! e.g. F€ck is frick, Fu€k is fudge, although I say a b0llix and €unt too much, but never to him. usually when people nearly bang into the buggy or really get on my wick, I am doing everything I can to curb it before he repeats it!!!

The only time I threaten violence is when I say I am going to kick your botsy (bum) I take off his shoe, put it on my fingers and tap it on his nappy. I do it when he is doing something cheeky like trying to steal the tv remote, and as soon as I say it, he has a cheeky smile on his face, as he knows I would never do it to harm him, it is a joke to show we are messing.

The family in the apartment below mine need a good sorting out. Father yells constantly at the children. "Get the fu(k over there" "What the fu€k are you doing" etc, but however bad he is, he pales in comparison to his wife. I would do ANYTHING to rip into her like she does those children! But sadly as I don't have the lack of class to do so. "You stupid little sh!t I wish I never had you", "Your a bastard like your father"

The boy (approx 7yo) is a bully to other children and the girl (approx 2.5-3yo) is so shy. The thing is though they never give out if they hear the elevator moving or if they think someone is in the hall. One day I was so shocked by what I was hearing I remained in the hall listening. They opened the door and saw my face (My mouth was open) and were all "Oh hello" since then I have made sure to give them filthies EVERY time I see them, or make a comment to my son about how the place has gone to the dogs. They won't look me in the face at all. Ashamed looking.

Das Kitty

Some of the worst things I've heard said to children by their parents contain no curse words at all. For me it's not whether a particular word is used or not but what the meaning is.

For example I heard a mother saying to her 3 year old "I'll rip your throat out." and another telling her 10 year old that she wished she'd drowned him as a baby. That kind of stuff is seriously damaging IMO. Whilst I dislike people swearing at their children I know there are families that deal with one another in these terms, to them it's normal. It makes me sad but I don't think swearing at children is necessarily abusive.

I come from a rough enough area and we were always called ****ehawks and bollixes, and while it won't be something I'll be bringing into my own parenting I don't feel damaged by it.

wolfpawnat

Agreed Das Kitty.

Sh!te is nothing in comparison to evil comment such as I wish I aborted you!

Swearing is everywhere these days, tv, sports games everywhere. It no longer really matters!

But nasty comments WILL affect the child! It will cause the children we read about in America that lose the plot and shoot half their class! I know it sounds extreme but those kind of comments eat away at a person!

Das Kitty

Das Kitty wrote: »

For me it's not whether a particular word is used or not but what the meaning is.

Very true actually.

about blank

The other morning my son (half asleep) spilled his cereal on the floor, needless to say I (also half asleep) was v angry, I took the lords name in vain that evening he was in the bedroom and I was taliking to his mam when he comes in the room and says ;

Mammy, daddy said a rude word today, he said jesus christ when I spilled my cereal on the floor


Of course I was ashamed and I apologized to him for saying it, I would never curse at my son directly, that is just wrong on so many levels...

about blank

Das Kitty wrote: »

Some of the worst things I've heard said to children by their parents contain no curse words at all. For me it's not whether a particular word is used or not but what the meaning is.

For example I heard a mother saying to her 3 year old "I'll rip your throat out." and another telling her 10 year old that she wished she'd drowned him as a baby. That kind of stuff is seriously damaging IMO. Whilst I dislike people swearing at their children I know there are families that deal with one another in these terms, to them it's normal. It makes me sad but I don't think swearing at children is necessarily abusive.

I come from a rough enough area and we were always called ****ehawks and bollixes, and while it won't be something I'll be bringing into my own parenting I don't feel damaged by it.

Anyone who would say that to a child does not warrant that title.




I'll rip your throat out

the above comment should be brought to the attention of the somebody like the gardai as i would view that comment as threating behaviour :mad:

metrovelvet

Ive heard so many Irish women say that to their kids 'I shouda drowned ya."

FFs. Geesh. No wonder theres a self esteem and drink problem in this country.

metrovelvet

metrovelvet wrote: »

Ive heard so many Irish women say that to their kids 'I shouda drowned ya."

I've never heard that thank god, that's just sick.

cbyrd

Swearing in our house is usually a frustrated fcuk's sake or jesus f'ing christ:D we never made a concious decision not to swear but where i worked i was constantly talking with people so out of habit i didn't swear. (unless it was under my breath )

Playfully i would call the girls b!tch, in the context.. hey bitch.. and she'll laugh and say hey mama bitch.. they never swear they know i'd get annoyed with them i dont' think they have enough to be frustrated about to justify swearing
My husband will sometimes swear in front of them but i will tell him to minds his language.. and in fairness he'll tell me too if i slip up

About a year ago my dad was in recovery after chemo, and the girls (then 10 and 7) were in the sitting room with him i was in the kitchen with my mam, when i heard dad nearly choking laughing... he told me that someone on the telly said shít and he said 'Oh my god thats terrible language,' knowing full well they've heard worse...
The girls laughed and told him they heard more than that, so, he being up for a laugh said 'sure you's don't know any swear words'...:eek: so they listed the ones they knew for him.. a sailor would've learned from them and lots they didn't hear from me

but it makes the point about respect, they know all the words and they know how to use them, but they don't, they have the vocabulary to vent without swearing. It's part fear i'll get annoyed with them and just knowing it's not nice..:)

CK2010

i never ever understood the whole calling friends or other girls 'bitch', like 'hey bitch', in cbyrd's post. i always thought it was generally used as an insulting word and to use it as a term of endearment (sp?) would just give everyone else a free pass to use it regardless of the meaning behind it. actually i dont even know if thats the reason, i just find it a bit self degrading, for want of a better word, to allow a friend to call you bitch.

i dunno, like im not a prude, and i would curse way too much for anybodys liking on a daily basis but i just always cringe a little when i hear the word bitch being used like this-and im from an area where i regularly hear 'you little ****' in a messing kind of way and i wouldnt bat an eyelid! even my oh calls me ****head so i dunno why bitch strikes a cord with me! maybe its the feminist in me or something!

also, myself and my partner would always call our girl a little wagon when she was being cheeky and then someone informed me that its actually a bad word! i didnt think it was!

Noffles

Swearing in homes is far worse over here than it is in the UK... in my opnion. I'd not really sworn in front of the nipper till we moved over here... been here 10 years now and everyone in my house swears like **** including the nipper as do all his mates and all their parents...

LordSutch

Noffles wrote: »

Swearing in homes is far worse over here than it is in the UK... in my opnion.

Not sure you can generalise like that, we were in a Glasgow pub recently & some of the language used by one of the parents towards his son had us open mouthed, & not sure whether to laugh, smile, or maybe grimace all at the same time!

parts of the UK are as bad or even worse than here.

caseyann

metrovelvet wrote: »

Ive heard so many Irish women say that to their kids 'I shouda drowned ya."

FFs. Geesh. No wonder theres a self esteem and drink problem in this country.

So many lmao,The evil Irish women way to generalize why there is self esteem issues in this country and drink problems :rolleyes: