14yr old girl with near 19yr old fella!

Cavehill Red

Staying with him is hardly beneficial to her schooling according to the OP, and furthermore it is likely damaging her emotional development and possibly (probably) placing her in a position of being sexually abused.
There's no downside here. The relationship must be ended as soon as possible.
It HAS to stop, and the quickest and most effective way of doing that is to call the cops and report him for statutory rape.
I agree everyone here needs to talk - dad to daughter, both parents, etc. But that's a long, slow process and won't affect any changes overnight.

CrazyRabbit

I wonder if his parents know that he is dating such a young girl? Or what about his family/friends? I imaging the pressure from them might convince him to find someone his own age.

cynder

Cavehill Red wrote: »

Staying with him is hardly beneficial to her schooling according to the OP, and furthermore it is likely damaging her emotional development and possibly (probably) placing her in a position of being sexually abused.
There's no downside here. The relationship must be ended as soon as possible.
It HAS to stop, and the quickest and most effective way of doing that is to call the cops and report him for statutory rape.
I agree everyone here needs to talk - dad to daughter, both parents, etc. But that's a long, slow process and won't affect any changes overnight.

Why does it have to stop?

Why cant a 14 year old date an 18 year old?

No proof there is sexual contact!

We have only heard the step moms side of things. They dont seem to be to up on things either, seems like they are being kept out of the loop. I take it there is not much contact between father and daughter.


Who says its going to damage her emotional development?

If the father jumps in and reports him for suspected statutory rape he will loose his daughter, they already have a strained relationship with little contact. (maybe in 10 years the daughter might see if differently)

Its not an ideal situation things have to be handled with kid gloves, not like a bull in a china shop.

Cavehill Red

grindelwald wrote: »

Why does it have to stop?

Why cant a 14 year old date an 18 year old?

No proof there is sexual contact!

Let the lad prove his innocence to the Gardai then. It's dubious enough he wants to date such a young child.

grindelwald wrote: »

If the father jumps and reports him for suspected statutory rape he will loose his daughter, they already have a strained relationship.

More apocalyptic predictions being used to justify doing nothing.
I already explained how addressing this problem quickly and definitively could actually result in his having sole custody of the child - probably no bad thing given the custodial parent's negligence in this matter.

grindelwald wrote: »

Its not an ideal situation things have to be handled with kid gloves, not like a bull in a china shop.

Actually, it's a situation best handled by the Gardai.

cynder

Cavehill Red wrote: »

Staying with him is hardly beneficial to her schooling according to the OP, and furthermore it is likely damaging her emotional development and possibly (probably) placing her in a position of being sexually abused.
There's no downside here. The relationship must be ended as soon as possible.
It HAS to stop, and the quickest and most effective way of doing that is to call the cops and report him for statutory rape.
I agree everyone here needs to talk - dad to daughter, both parents, etc. But that's a long, slow process and won't affect any changes overnight.

Just to say i can see where your coming from, and i see that you believe that you have the girl best interest as heart.

Im just trying to look a the situation with an open mind given that we only have the step moms account of things.

cynder

Cavehill Red wrote: »

Let the lad prove his innocence to the Gardai then. It's dubious enough he wants to date such a young child.

More apocalyptic predictions being used to justify doing nothing.
I already explained how addressing this problem quickly and definitively could actually result in his having sole custody of the child - probably no bad thing given the custodial parent's negligence in this matter.


Actually, it's a situation best handled by the Gardai.

Innocent till proven guilty by a court of law!

How does he prove he didn't have sex with her, she would have to be submitted for an exam. Its easy for both to say no we didn't have sex , we never have, we dont plan to until im/she is 17.

If the dad did get custody she could/would HATE him.


I didn't say do nothing, the dad needs to build up the relationship with his daughter, he can't do that while destroying hers with her BF. His not a pedophile on my books yet. I know you havent used the term but it seems to me your implying it.


Are you telling me the gardi have to be called each time teens under the age of consent become BF and GF.

Cavehill Red

I appreciate where you're coming from too.
But I'd be more of the opinion that a teen strop is like weather, it blows up big then quickly passes over. I wouldn't be inclined to avoid the risk of such a strop in these circumstances, given that the child is suffering in school, at risk of turning delinquent and possibly the victim of sexual abuse.

d10carter

scoring a 14 year old is one thing, dating them? well that is just odd.

alot of my friends that are girls are 17/18 and im 21 and id prob date them so im being hypocriticabl may

Cavehill Red

grindelwald wrote: »

Innocent till proven guilty by a court of law!

Let the Gardai investigate and if necessary a court rule on his guilt then. Better it's investigated formally than life-damaging abuse emerges later because nobody did anything.

grindelwald wrote: »

How does he prove he didn't have sex with her, she would have to be submitted for an exam. Its easy for both to say no we didn't have sex , we never have, we dont plan to until im/she is 17.

Ever been interviewed by Gardai? They're good at their job. I don't fancy the chances of an 18 yo denying it successfully to them unless he actually hadn't had any sexual encounter with the child.

grindelwald wrote: »

If the dad did get custody she could/would HATE him.

I didn't say do nothing, the dad needs to build up the relationship with his daughter, he can't do that while destroying hers with her BF. His not a pedophile on my books yet. I know you havent used the term but it seems to me your implying it.

Of course the Dad needs to work on the relationship. That's a medium to long-term process. But there is a situation here unrelated to that which needs dealt with in the immediate term.

grindelwald wrote: »

Are you telling me the gardi have to be called each time teens under the age of consent become BF and GF.

If they're both underage, no. If one is and one isn't, then individual circumstances need to be taken into consideration. Younger females are more likely to suffer as a result of such interactions than younger males, in terms of pregnancy etc. The wider the age gap and the younger the child is under age of consent, the quicker I'd be calling the cops.
In this case, a four year gap and a 14 year old child, I wouldn't hesitate. I'd remind you about Michaela Davis as an example of what can happen if you do nothing.

cynder

The Davis case is completely different also she was 12, this girl is turning 15.

Cavehill Red

grindelwald wrote: »

The Davis case is completely different also she was 12, this girl is turning 15.

I don't see a qualitative difference here. A 14 year old is a minor in law as much as a 12 year old. Neither should be entertaining relationships with older men, and both run risks as a result that parents, the authorities and society ought to try to protect them from.

when I was in first year in college one of the lads (19) was going out with a girl in 5th year in school. We all presumed she was 17. Years later when we were all 25 she had a birthday party, her 21st :eek: So she was 15 back when we were all in 1st year. They are married now over a year and she is expecting, so it doesn't always end badly

cynder

RoverJames wrote: »

when I was in first year in college one of the lads (19) was going out with a girl in 5th year in school. We all presumed she was 17. Years later when we were all 25 she had a birthday party, her 21st :eek: So she was 15 back when we were all in 1st year. They are married now over a year and she is expecting, so it doesn't always end badly

Thanx for that, there are some good ones out there.

lynski

hate to say this, but there is no guarantee that the gardai will do anything. i know of a case where a 15.5 yr old girl is pregnant with her second child by her now 20 yr old bf. her parents have tried to have him prosecuted to no avail.
not the most functional family in the first place but she was an out the windows, fu kinda kid. 2 babies now.
If it were a relative of mine seeing a 19 yr old, I would make sure someone had a quiet word down a dark alley with the p***k. then if they persisted, i would try the guards.

And statuary rape is one thing, but ANY sexual contact with a minor is illegal, any attempt at sexual contact is illegal. and i am not sure and not enough time to check, but i think anything that can be seen as 'grooming' them for later sexual contact is illegal. Now someone want to introduce to me any guy, of any age who would be seeing a girl of any age for a year with nothing, beyond kissing, happening and i will give him directions to the George.

dan_d

Does she realise she could be the reason he spends a substantial amount of time in jail, if the Guards do hear of it (whether through you or someone else)?

Just a thought.

lynski

munchkin_utd wrote: »

interesting!
I didn't realise there was such stringent punishment for engaging in contact with a 14 year old. Or to even attempt it.
If I were the 19 year old I'd be looking to drop the hand on something more my own age.



http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/justice/criminal-law/criminal-offences/law_on_sex_offences_in_ireland
(half way down)

even more interesting is that there is now an offence of "

Reckless endangerment of children

The Criminal Justice Act 2006 provides for a new offence of reckless endangerment of children. This came into effect on 1 August 2006.

This offence may be committed by a person who has authority or control over a child or an abuser and who intentionally or recklessly endangers a child by:

Causing or permitting any child to be placed or left in a situation which creates a substantial risk to the child of being a victim of serious harm or sexual abuse or
failing to take reasonable steps to protect a child from such a risk while knowing that the child is in such a situation.

So potentially the mother of a 14 yr old who allows a 19 yr old free access to her daughter and house is also a criminal.
Bet that is not too widely known.

Rycn

PCPhoto wrote: »

if you do meet the guy (why not ask her to invite him over for lunch/dinner) - best thing to do is frighten him with committment (most guys that age wont want to settle down) - ask all kinds of questions about how many kids they are planning to have, would he prefer to live in the city...countryside... be nice to him and call him "son" or/and talk to him one-on-one ... explain your stepdaughter is important to you and you dont want to see her hurt...or heartbroken.

tell him he's not allowed to be with another woman for the rest of his life..... and thats prob another 60 or 70 years (if he's lucky)

By the looks of it you need to get out more.

This is terrible advice OP, ignore it if you want to keep your daughter.

Moonbeam wrote: »

Don't fight with her about it but do invite him over so that you can meet him and do let her know that you do disapprove but you trust her.

This is the best advice ive seen OP.