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Tell Us A Joke

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  • 19-09-2010 8:19pm
    #1
    Motley Crue
    Registered Users Posts: 6,382 ✭✭✭


    Just for Laughs, try and tell a joke....
    Scientists have recently announced they're going to start working with lawyers instead of rats. They're doing this for two reasons, first being that they won't grow an emotional attachment to the lawyers, and second because it's harder to punish the rat
    Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
    A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.


Comments

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    #2
    Superbus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,784 ✭✭✭Superbus


    Man walks in to a bar. He says Ouch!


    He dies of brain injuries.


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    #3
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Motley Crew.

    They were a joke.


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    #4
    Motley Crue
    Registered Users Posts: 6,382 ✭✭✭Motley Crue


    starbelgrade wrote: »
    Motley Crew.
    They were a joke.

    **** you:mad:


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    #5
    BioHazRd
    Registered Users Posts: 2,088 ✭✭✭BioHazRd


    Any further comments like the above will earn a ban. We don't tolerate personal attacks here. You have been warned


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    #6
    Tony10
    Registered Users Posts: 112 ✭✭Tony10


    excuse my bad taste in humour but this made me laugh...

    What's the main reason for paedophilia in Ireland?.....

    Answer:- all the sexy young kids:eek:


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    #7
    mooman
    Registered Users Posts: 486 ✭✭mooman


    Tony10 wrote: »
    excuse my bad taste in humour but this made me laugh...

    What's the main reason for paedophilia in Ireland?.....

    Answer:- all the sexy young kids:eek:

    I really shouldn't be laughing:D


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    #8
    minister poxbottle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 439 ✭✭minister poxbottle


    David davidson has a new show on bbc he brings wayne rooney and peter crouch around the streets of liverpool in search of cheap prostitutes



    it's called bargain cnut


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    #9
    Mankyspuds
    Registered Users Posts: 156 ✭✭Mankyspuds


    Larry Murphy and this girl get out of his van and are walking through a wood, the girl turns to Lar and says

    'jayus its very dark in here, its a bit scary dont you think?'


    to which larry replies


    'Yea, how do you think I feel, I'll be walking back on my own!!'














    GETS COAT....


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    #10
    fred funk }{
    Registered Users Posts: 6,827 ✭✭✭fred funk }{


    My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the shower.I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!""Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're having a sh*t"


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    #11
    almedajohnson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭almedajohnson


    Boss was angry on an employee and shouted on him

    Boss: Have you ever seen an idiot??
    Employee(with down head): No Sir
    Boss: Then what are you looking at down, look at me.


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    #12
    CarrickMcJoe
    Registered Users Posts: 3,379 ✭✭✭CarrickMcJoe


    Blonde pushes her BMW into garage...

    Blonde, "This car wont go I want a new one".

    Mechanic opens bonnet and in minutes has it going.

    Blonde" Ow WHat was wrong with it".

    Mechanic "Just crap in the carburetor".

    Blonde, "How often do I have to do that"!!!!


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    #13
    cocoshovel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭cocoshovel


    Brian Cowen....:pac:


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    #14
    Kippure
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭Kippure


    I saw me mate this morning, he,s got one arm god bless him.
    I shouted ,
    "Where you off to?"

    "To change a light bulb!", He said.

    "Thats going to be awkward isnt it", i said.

    "Not really" he said, " I,ve still got the fcukn receipt , you sarcastic cnut!




    Went to the disco, they played twist so i twisted,they played jumped, so i jumped, then they played come on eileen and i got thrown out...




    A fat women goes to the doctor and asks whats the easiest exercise i can do to help me lose weight?

    He replies,
    Shake your head from side to side.

    She asks,
    How often should i do this?

    Doctor replies
    Everytime your offered food you fat cnut.....



    I hate having to crush my grannies pills up and put them in here dinner, i feel sneaky, but would never forgive myself if i got her pregnant....



    Two magicians meet in the street. One says to the other " Hows tricks!"



    What do you call a woodpecker with no beck?
    A Head BANGER.


    Whats the differance between an onion and a dead hooker?
    I cry when i cut up an Onion.


    How many hookers can i fit in my shed?
    Another two if i move my bike.


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    #15
    minister poxbottle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 439 ✭✭minister poxbottle


    What do you say to a man with no arm's
































    got the time on ya cock


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    #16
    mikom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,391 ✭✭✭✭mikom


    "Knock Knock!"
    "Who's there?"
    "GESTAPO."


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    #17
    CarrickMcJoe
    Registered Users Posts: 3,379 ✭✭✭CarrickMcJoe


    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion,
    and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
    she sat alone at a nearby table.

    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

    'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
    I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
    those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
    since.'

    'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
    person could go on celebrating that long?'


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