My son feels like he has no friends.

CrazyRabbit

anthonymax wrote: »

I am overwhelmed by everyone's support here to be honest,I'm new to these boards,it's great to be able to hear all opinions because I really needed some advice.

Well it's a good thing you didn't post the thread in After Hours forum!
'Support' isn't the vocabulary of most visitors there...hehe.

This is one of the best forums on boards.ie, and has many intelligent & caring regulars. Always a pleasure to read threads here & take the time to answer.

wolfpawnat

anthonymax wrote: »

You have all certainly given me a lot to think about!

I agree with Deliverance and Astra to a good extent,I am a natural born worrier if ever there was one,she told me first born children often have a tendency to worry more. I am a first born,as is my ten year old. Interesting!!

Since I didnt have much of a mother and I was oldest, still am of course, I know the feeling. And lets call a spade a spade, we as oldest children, worry about the oldest children most as we know the responsibility life throws on their shoulders!

I am a frantic worrier, I am not happy til I have the most ridiculous scenario worked out in my head! And even then I am not happy, but near on convinced said, ridiculous scenario will occur!

anthonymax wrote: »

I am overwhelmed by everyone's support here to be honest,I'm new to these boards,it's great to be able to hear all opinions because I really needed some advice.

And he was in good enough form after school today and has his friend coming over on Fri after school. And I think McDonald's could be in order for Saturday!!

That is what this forum is about, parents helping parents, also it is nice sometimes to offload to the cyber world were you don't have to annoy friemds with worries all the times and also you can get totally different POV!

Woohoo MaccyD's can not fail!!! Can I come

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

This is one of the best forums on boards.ie, and has many intelligent & caring regulars. Always a pleasure to read threads here & take the time to answer.

I check it out whenever i can and normally don't even look at anything else. I can relate to many people here. We all go thrown broadly similar experiences

cynder

anthonymax wrote: »

And he was in good enough form after school today and has his friend coming over on Fri after school. And I think McDonald's could be in order for Saturday!!

Your posts are now sounding very positive, delighted things are looking up, inviting his friend over is spot on, (my 5 year old tried to kidnap one of his friends after school yesterday, he wanted to bring him home)

Enjoy the mac donalds! mines a chicken wrap;)


*you must be starting to feel much better now, keep up the good work:).

BostonB

anthonymax wrote: »

smelltheglove,thanks for your reply.
I found the GAA club to be a complete waste of time.It was fine when he was aged 6,7,but it's too competitive now at his age,he is not good at football,simple as.So the managers won't even give him a game,it's not a fun league any more,they play to win now.So he found it too demoralising being left on the sideline all the time.The soccer is a bit better,they don't take it quite so seriously I find.He loves Gaa and soccer,all he talks about is Man United,he knows soccer inside and out,he loves computers and computer games,he's brilliant at swimming,he will try anything and go anywhere and has plenty of things to talk to the other lads about.To be honest I can't really understand where all this has come from.

Out local GAA rotates the players on the kids teams so they all get a game good and bad, all spend some time on the sideline and some time on the pitch.

Maybe ask around other clubs to see what their policy is.

Its a poor club that leave players on the side all the time.

anthonymax

BostonB,our GAA team insists they have the same policy as yours,but unfortunately on match days this goes out the window! They will make a token effort at putting the weaker kids on,sometimes for only minutes. At a match one day one poor kid got on for less than one minute,literally seconds before the whistle blew for half time. He was replaced for the second half then!

In an ideal world all the kids would be treated equally,but how do you explain to X why he only ever gets a couple of minutes while his friend Y doesn't leave the pitch the whole match? Maybe you're right it's a poor club that does that. They do great with the little kids,but competition is fierce even Under 10s!

Jakob

Not really my place to post, but......... get him a guitar and some lessons. It's as easy as that. Just think about it anyway. I wouldn't be bothered writing out the benefits this will bring, I'm sure you can work them out. It will shape his life positively IMO. He will meet new friends at lessons etc. Oh and **** the haters, they ain't worth it anyway yo

Edit: Good luck whatever you do

BostonB

My oldest is not able to play GAA but his cousin 9 was sidelined in the next game, even though the previous game he scored, nearly all the goals & points. He still turned out to support the others though. Felt it was being part of the team.

TBH I've been in lots of teams over the years that didn't do this, and they all eventually struggled as they end up with too few players, as players who don't improve, because they don't play enough, leave. Even adult teams do this. One local team I was in, pitched the A team vs the B team (those who never got a game) the B team won something like 7-1 and they still didn't get their game. Most of them left after that.

The guitars a good idea though. My oldest was mad keen. Though I made the mistake of selling my guitar because I wasn't playing it, and he didn't want to do it anymore. So I guess we'll both have to get guitars this xmas

anthonymax

Hi all,

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to reply to my post. The young lad is pretty much ok since this time last week,nothing to report from school at all. The karate classes have been signed up for,but they won't be starting until after Christmas,he has the soccer and drama til then anyway. We had a good chat and I think he's starting to see that it's not him,it's the fact that kids will always have something to say to someone,and if it's not him it's someone else.

And Mc Donald's was yummy

Deliverance

anthonymax wrote: »

Hi all,

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to reply to my post. The young lad is pretty much ok since this time last week,nothing to report from school at all. The karate classes have been signed up for,but they won't be starting until after Christmas,he has the soccer and drama til then anyway. We had a good chat and I think he's starting to see that it's not him,it's the fact that kids will always have something to say to someone,and if it's not him it's someone else.

And Mc Donald's was yummy

Well something has to be said. What a great parent. It warms my heart to see your dedication throughout the worry. That is what being a good parent is all about. Your kid will learn from the situation with the support and love from decent folks that are his parents. At the same time he will learn to look after others that might be in the same situation in the future.

Pat yourself on the back 'anthonymax' you are doing a great job.

anthonymax

Ah lads I'm welling up!!!

But thank you so much for that,it's so nice!

LegacyUser

As fergalr said, the only reason I'm qualified to post here, is because I was a kid once, but I just noticed the post about parents projecting onto their kids, and "asking too many questions"...

I'm 27, and I have found for quite some time that if my parents ask me hundreds of questions I tend to clam up, but if conversation just takes place naturally, I am inclined to tell them stuff. Can't explain it. I just know the one hundred questions about what I did this week, who I met, where I went is SOOOO annoying. I know they're just trying to be interested and friendly, but seriously....it's like 20 questions every time I walk in the door of the house.

My parents aren't too bad really, but I have a friend who's mother is unbelievable. She never, ever, ever stops asking questions. One question leads to five million. As a result my friend tells her absolutely nothing - and that makes her twice as bad. I know it's a vicious circle, but seriously, I have sympathy for him some days. It's one thing to say how was your day, it's another thing to want an analysed report on it.

I used to hate those parents who went through their kids schoolbags everyday until they were in their mid teens or so. When they're small, maybe, because you need to check if they've got notes or whatever, but after about the age of 8/9....don't root in your kids bags! Bit of invasion of personal space.If they haven't learned by then to take a bit of responsibility and remember to give you notes/messages from school, surely it's time you started to teach them????

I know this isn't particularly relevant to the OP's post, and it sounds like everything is working out okay for your son OP. I just thought I should put it in here - sometimes less is more...sometimes you learn more by just listening than by constantly transmitting (questions).

hamlet1

anthonymax wrote: »

Thanks everyone.I should explain he is a perfectly normal kid except he can be a little sensitive.He plays on the soccer team(even though he is not great and he knows this himself,the other boys tease him sometimes about it but it never upset him),and he really enjoys it.He does a drama club on Saturdays too.He is not shy at all.
I did consider going to his teacher,but what's to tell?I'm afraid I'll come across as an overprotective mother,and my husband thinks he'll be fine,he's just having a bad day,we all went through it,etc.
I maybe should give it some time,see what happens today.Have any of you had this experience with your own kids?

my daughter is 9 and experiences the exact same thing in school.there are 7 girls in her class and 6 of them are in a clique and she feels very left out at times.she plays with them sometimes in school but never meets them out of school.like you i have found her crying and it breaks my heart because she feels like a ''weirdo''.what we do is concentrate on friends she has made at out of school activities,as she never feels excluded with them.you should get your boy involved in something that he really likes.he will be going to secondary school in a couple of years and things should sort themselves out then,because he will meet kids from other areas and make friends then.