Expecting too much from friend?

LegacyUser

Someone close to me died the week before last unexpectedly, we are all still reeling from it, its very very hard. I thought I would have great support from friends as I don't have any family but some don't even seem to care about it. I met one of my best friends a day or two after the funeral, but I haven't had a call or even a text since then, nothing at all. Its been a week and a half now and I feel really upset and hurt that someone who I thought was a best friend obviously isn't even wondering how we are coping. What do others think? Other friends have really been there and sent texts and things like that, and kept in touch in general. In fact some people I wasn't even that close to have been fantastic. Am I expecting too much from someone who I considered a really close friend?

Deki

Sometimes people who really love you are just the ones who don't know what to say. They see your pain and they can't fix it and they can't bear to see you that way, and they try to avoid the subject or put it off. Try not to be hurt further. I find it very hard to attend funerals. It's not because I don't care it's just that when I enter that funeral home, I have my own memories that come flooding back. I'm sure others think my behavior is odd, but I really can't help it - My mind is taking me to another time. Anyway I have to force myself. So try to just forgive them. I'm glad that others are there for you, we need acknowledgment of our pain and understanding of our loss.:pac:

Storminateacup

I found that after the funeral, people just start getting on with their lives. After my mother, and my daughter, I had the best support during and directly after, but.. I felt the same as you. That nobody cared. Of course, that wasn't true. My dad cared, my brother cared. I think my friends were just awkward talking about it.

When I brought up my daughters name in conversation, they still were clearly uncomortable talking about her. So I stopped.

If there is something upsetting you and you feel talking about it will help you, say it to your friend. Tell her/him how youre feeling. Get it out.
Maybe they just don't want to be the one to bring it up.

ballsymchugh

OP, you could try and initiate contact. your friend is probably just at a loss as to how to approach the situation, so if you send a text or something asking to meet up for a coffee or something then you'll make the situation less awkward for them.
after my father died, it took me 2 years to find someone that i could honestly have a decent conversation about it with. it was unbelievably frank and to the point but was worth the wait. after everything settled down i had a few friends call around at different times. they all said something along the lines of they should've called sooner, but it's hard for them. to be honest, i was happier that they waited, because when everything settles down and people get back to what they were doing, you begin to miss the crowd and the comfort they brought.

La frog fairy

Hey big hug here for you..

I can understand very well where you come from.


I, myself had a best friend who mother died when we were 14 years old, i didnt go to the funeral even though she was my best friend, its not that i didnt care or felt for her pain, i just felt like i didnt know what to do or say, i felt totally awkward and felt that maybe she wanted to be alone or needed her family not me.
Found out later i was wrong when it happened to me.


Not everyone knows how to deal with death, either they have experienced it and it reminds them of a dark time or they never have and they just imagine that you need to be alone.

So if i were you i would concentrate on getting yourself through this with the support that you do have from other people, friends and family and im sure this friend will come around at some point.



All the best to you and hope you feel better soon