Swinging!!

pickarooney

Fair enough, but I secretly (or not so secretly) think that anyone who likes celery is weird. I have no issue with people thinking my tastes in food, music, clothing etc. are weird or that I am weird for having them; I can't see why I would care.

As for swinging - never tried it so don't have a useful opinion on it. I did watch Louis Theroux's documentary on it though and found it very depressing. Many of the women in it were clearly going along with their husbands' fantasies against their own wishes and much like any 'joint' decision I suspect a lot of the time one partner is really enthusiastic while the other is at best ambivalent.

Pembily

pickarooney wrote: »

Fair enough, but I secretly (or not so secretly) think that anyone who likes celery is weird. I have no issue with people thinking my tastes in food, music, clothing etc. are weird or that I am weird for having them; I can't see why I would care.

There is a massive difference in people thinking I am weird because I like celery (yes I actually do) and people telling me I am disgusting and fcuked up for liking celery!!! Weird is one thing but disgusting is a personal attack...

pickarooney

It seems about the same to me, but I couldn't find one mention of the word 'disgusting' or 'fuсked up' in this thread before my post, so the point is moot.

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

Fair enough, but I secretly (or not so secretly) think that anyone who likes celery is weird. I have no issue with people thinking my tastes in food, music, clothing etc. are weird or that I am weird for having them; I can't see why I would care.

Do you actually think that someone who likes celery is weird? Do you genuinely believe that someone who likes celery has something wrong with them? Regardless of anything else about them?

pickarooney wrote: »

As for swinging - never tried it so don't have a useful opinion on it. I did watch Louis Theroux's documentary on it though and found it very depressing. Many of the women in it were clearly going along with their husbands' fantasies against their own wishes and much like any 'joint' decision I suspect a lot of the time one partner is really enthusiastic while the other is at best ambivalent.

True, but that's true of many, many sexual fetishes and fantasies. It's rare for partners to have the same level of interest in each other's fantasies. But you do it because you want to make them happy. Obviously no-one should be forced to do it, but if both are consenting I don't see why swinging should be treated as any different to bondage or any other fetish

pickarooney

28064212 wrote: »

Do you actually think that someone who likes celery is weird? Do you genuinely believe that someone who likes celery has something wrong with them? Regardless of anything else about them?

A bit, yes, if I'm honest. It just doesn't make sense in my head how it could appeal to anyone. I won't shun them or anything, but I won't ask them for recipes either.

Obviously no-one should be forced to do it, but if both are consenting I don't see why swinging should be treated as any different to bondage or any other fetish

Do you think it is treated differently? Do you not think that if you started a thread on scat that people would give their opinions that it's disgusting and that anyone who's into that is weird?

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

A bit, yes, if I'm honest. It just doesn't make sense in my head how it could appeal to anyone. I won't shun them or anything, but I won't ask them for recipes either.

That's a bizarre world-view tbh

pickarooney wrote: »

Do you think it is treated differently? Do you not think that if you started a thread on scat that people would give their opinions that it's disgusting and that anyone who's into that is weird?

Yes, and they would be equally as wrong. Your argument doesn't really work when you pick something that is even further outside the norm, when my point is about things that are outside the norm. If the OP had said they were interested in using role-play in the bedroom, no-one would have said they didn't love their partner.

pickarooney

28064212 wrote: »

Yes, and they would be equally as wrong. Your argument doesn't really work when you pick something that is even further outside the norm.

Says you. Scat is only further outside 'the norm' according to your prejudices. It's human nature to find certain things, and the people who engage in them, weird.

fungun

I think it seems to be more difficult for women. A partner of mine hadnt had any lovers before me and I was willing to let her try one out so to speak....and the thought of it was a turn on for me. But although she actually did love the thought of it, she never found a man she would have liked to do it with. I often wonder how I would have felt afterwards!

The thing is though, once you do it...it means women have the sexual power....takes a little bit for a man to come to terms with this.

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

Says you. Scat is only further outside 'the norm' according to your prejudices. It's human nature to find certain things, and the people who engage in them, weird.

Actually, I was basing it on society's current prejudices. At times, homosexual activity would be considered way outside the norm, even if it wasn't considered that way by some people. If someone wants to engage in scat play, I have no problem with it.

And just because some people do it, doesn't make it human nature or right.

fungun wrote: »

I think it seems to be more difficult for women. A partner of mine hadnt had any lovers before me and I was willing to let her try one out so to speak....and the thought of it was a turn on for me. But although she actually did love the thought of it, she never found a man she would have liked to do it with. I often wonder how I would have felt afterwards!

The thing is though, once you do it...it means women have the sexual power....takes a little bit for a man to come to terms with this.

Are you specifically talking about a woman taking other lovers while her partner doesn't? That's slightly different to swinging (arguably a specific subset of it) called cuckolding, and involves a dominant-female/male-submissive element, so the woman would have the sexual power in it.

In an 'equal' swinging relationship, both partners are free to indulge in sexual activities outside of the relationship. Would not necessarily involve any change in the sexual power balance, and both partners would need as much "coming to terms" as each other

pickarooney

28064212 wrote: »

Actually, I was basing it on society's current prejudices.

Is there a certified diagram detailing what exactly is more normal that what?

And just because some people do it, doesn't make it human nature or right.

And just because some people don't do it, doesn't make it odd, or wrong.

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

Is there a certified diagram detailing what exactly is more normal that what?

I'm not talking about something being normal in the sense that it's ok (or "not abnormal"), I'm talking about closer to what society considers to be normal. If I did a massive survey interviewing every person in Ireland on what they considered to be a normal sexual habit, do you think scat would receive more positives or less positives than swinging?

pickarooney wrote: »

And just because some people don't do it, doesn't make it odd, or wrong.

Never said it did. It is objectively wrong though

pickarooney

28064212 wrote: »

I'm not talking about something being normal in the sense that it's ok (or "not abnormal"), I'm talking about closer to what society considers to be normal. If I did a massive survey interviewing every person in Ireland on what they considered to be a normal sexual habit, do you think scat would receive more positives or less positives than swinging?

I have absolutely no idea of the answer or how you would presume to know it in advance.

Never said it did. It is objectively wrong though

I don't understand. What is wrong?

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

I have absolutely no idea of the answer or how you would presume to know it in advance.

Fair enough. But it was irrelevant to my point. Go back to my post and replace "even further outside the norm" with "also outside the norm". The point was that stuff outside the norm should not be treated any differently

pickarooney wrote: »

I don't understand. What is wrong?

We seem to have gone a little too deep into double negatives. This was the original statement:

pickarooney wrote: »

It's human nature to find certain things, and the people who engage in them, weird.

I don't think it's human nature, and I think it's objectively wrong to find people weird based on a single aspect of their personality

Bottle_of_Smoke

Ok male visitor here.

I think I'd be too jealous of girlfriend being with another guy for it to work out. Just don't think I'd see her in the same light anymore. Which is a shame really because I find the authorised sleeping with more than one woman whilst having a relationship a great concept.

Maybe I'll feel differently in later life. Heres hoping...

Kooli

28064212 wrote: »

I don't think it's human nature, and I think it's objectively wrong to find people weird based on a single aspect of their personality

Isn't that judgmental in the same way?

Why is it OK for you to say it's wrong for someone to call someone else weird, but it's not OK for someone to say it's wrong to have sex with someone who's not your partner? (That's more of a rhetorical question than one directed at you in particular)

We all have our own moral codes, and I think there's a lot of pressure in threads like these to say we're 'totally cool' with things we're really not!!

I'm one of those people who does equate sex with love, intimacy and closeness. There have been times in the past when sex was just sex for me, but I would never want to go back there to be honest. So the idea of swinging, which people here seem to be saying is just sex with someone I have absolutely no connection with, when I am already in a loving relationship with someone I do have a sexual connection with, is bonkers to me.

And I certainly don't envy or admire those who do it. I don't really care what they do in their own time, but it's an act that I cannot reconcile with my own ideas of sex and relationships in any way.

28064212

Kooli wrote: »

Isn't that judgmental in the same way?

Why is it OK for you to say it's wrong for someone to call someone else weird, but it's not OK for someone to say it's wrong to have sex with someone who's not your partner? (That's more of a rhetorical question than one directed at you in particular)

Again, that's not what I've said at all. What I've said is:

• It's wrong to say that someone who swings doesn't love their partner
• It's wrong to say that someone who swings is in some way 'wrong'
• A person can say swinging is wrong, but they can't say that someone who swings is somehow less than they are

Kooli wrote: »

We all have our own moral codes, and I think there's a lot of pressure in threads like these to say we're 'totally cool' with things we're really not!!

No-one has said anyone has to be 'totally cool' with swinging. It's when people try to apply their moral codes to others. In your moral code, if your OH slept or wanted to sleep with someone else, that would be unacceptable to you. That's fine. What's not ok is telling someone else who has full knowledge and given full consent that they are wrong to allow their OH to sleep with someone else, even though it's not against their moral code.

Kooli wrote: »

I'm one of those people who does equate sex with love, intimacy and closeness. There have been times in the past when sex was just sex for me, but I would never want to go back there to be honest. So the idea of swinging, which people here seem to be saying is just sex with someone I have absolutely no connection with, when I am already in a loving relationship with someone I do have a sexual connection with, is bonkers to me.

And I certainly don't envy or admire those who do it. I don't really care what they do in their own time, but it's an act that I cannot reconcile with my own ideas of sex and relationships in any way.

There's no problem with any of that (although swinging doesn't have to involve someone who you have no connection to, many couples (either together or separately) will vet prospective partners the same way they would if they were single)

Audie

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Ok male visitor here.

I think I'd be too jealous of girlfriend being with another guy for it to work out. Just don't think I'd see her in the same light anymore. Which is a shame really because I find the authorised sleeping with more than one woman whilst having a relationship a great concept.

Maybe I'll feel differently in later life. Heres hoping...

Yeah my boyfriend would probably have the same idea as you. I'm surprised, looking at this thread, how many people are against the idea. It's fair enough, people are entitled to their opinions and feelings. I don't see the big deal. Sex is just sex, if a couple can agree on where to draw the line, and keep everything honest and open, then where's the problem. I think the trust involved would say that a relationship is stronger, and not weaker because of it. There is a risk involved, but if you're able to control everything, then there shouldn't be a problem.

LegacyUser

just wondering if any of you have tried it? my bf has asked me to try it... I think i would like to but not sure!! Just wondering what peoples experience of it is good or bad?

Thanks.

Pebbles!

willIwon'tI wrote: »

just wondering if any of you have tried it? my bf has asked me to try it... I think i would like to but not sure!! Just wondering what peoples experience of it is good or bad?

Thanks.

I'm in the same boat myself, I think I'l like it but not sure! I suppose you never know til you try!! Me and my boyfriend talked about it together and both of us are curious about it but not going to do anything until we're fully sure!!

It's a hard one to call about whether you'd enjoy it or not cause there could be so many feelings after it's done!!! As you can read from this thread everybodys views on the subject are varied! To me it's not like cheating because both are involved! The majority of people would see nothing wrong with a three-some but see this as totally wrong! I would never cheat on my boyfriend but this to me is different, it's something we are trying together. People that I have talked to that have done this, said it has made their relationship stronger.

You can always try it once and see if you like it or not. You can go to these parties and not participate if you feel uncomfortable or you can just not have intercourse until your ready for that step that yer sure!

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

Not cheating if it's authorised, now is it? Cheating involves some form of deception. In fact, swinging takes the deceoption (ergo the harm) out of it -- as long as both partners are in agreement.

I agree with this to a certain extent...if both partners are in agreement you would think there is no harm in it...but what happens after the 1st time if one partner decides they didn't like it and the other partner was still all for it?? there has to be alot of trust involved...i think i would worry that my partner would get a taste for being with someone else which would result in him/her cheating - that may not be everyones view but imo if you are in any way uneasy about it after thinking it was something you wanted then both partners have to agree that it is something that will never be done again...if a partner has to be coerced into it at any time then it is a big no-no. So definitely both partners must be in agreement and there has to be ground rules, alot of trust and not something to be entered into without alot of thought and discussion! sorry if that was a bit long winded haha!

LegacyUser

There are a lot of presumptions being made on this thread about people who swing by people who don't. We have been together over 10 years (both still under 30), have a fantastic relationship and sex life. We have been swinging for 8 years.

Our life dosen't revolve around it but from time to time we do enjoy meeting up with other couples. We are VERY selective about who we meet and like to have a rapport with them. We wouldn't meet just anyone and there has to be chemistry.

We have a very honest relationship and that is key. We have been to clubs in the UK and Europe and has some great experiences and fun times. We have also met some great couples here in Ireland and you would be suprised how 'normal' couples who swing can be. None of or friends and family have any idea. We have made some great friends we keep in contact with over the years.

We have felt safe and comfortable with every couple we meet and from chatting to them make sure we are all on the same page - whatever happens happens and 'no pressure' - this is vital for a successfull meet.

We are mostly soft swap. We have only every had full sex with each other and the Mr. has had one other partner for full sex. Always use protection as do 99% of swingers.

La frog fairy

Thaedydal wrote: »

Yes it's called a soft swap or a soft swing.

Im a bit confused, how would you actually control yourself or think someone else could control themself in that situation? I mean, to me it sounds like "look at the chocolate, smell and touch it but dont eat it" type of thing.

Like previously said, each to their own, its totally not my thing at all to involve others.

I think theres plenty to do when its 2 people, just need imagination, spice things up, games.etc.. when you reach that point of being really comfortable with someone in your sexual side of your relationship its nice to explore together things but in my opinion involving other people it could potentionally be a disaster in the waiting.
my little opinion anyway

Best of luck to you.

MrMischief

I was bored so i did a search on this.

We got "interested" in the idea by chance a couple of years ago after the mrs read an article in some magazine. We play around with idea as a fantasy and it has certainly made both of us aware of each others fantasies. Thats all they are to date, fantasies, and we haven't taken the idea much further (other than a bit of chat etc on a swinging website). Each to their own but the whole talk of it has certainly spiced up our sex life and if you were to ask me 5 years ago what swinging was i would have gave an answer that involved a playground. The whole scene seems to have become more populare since we got wind of the idea.

Anyway - just a bit of fun!

getzls

Just found this thread.

It can work

I'm 53 and my wife is 51 and we have a friend who has lived with us for the last five years.

Long story, he's 35, don't know what she sees in him.:)

MrMischief

getzls wrote: »

Just found this thread.

It can work

I'm 53 and my wife is 51 and we have a friend who has lived with us for the last five years.

Long story, he's 35, don't know what she sees in him.:)

Thats very odd in my opinion but yep each to their own!!

newbie2013

MrMischief wrote: »

I was bored so i did a search on this.

We got "interested" in the idea by chance a couple of years ago after the mrs read an article in some magazine. We play around with idea as a fantasy and it has certainly made both of us aware of each others fantasies. Thats all they are to date, fantasies, and we haven't taken the idea much further (other than a bit of chat etc on a swinging website). Each to their own but the whole talk of it has certainly spiced up our sex life and if you were to ask me 5 years ago what swinging was i would have gave an answer that involved a playground. The whole scene seems to have become more populare since we got wind of the idea.

Anyway - just a bit of fun!

I love the idea of swinging but my long term partner of 15yrs isnt to keen on it. She says that fantasisng about a 3sum really turns her on but she doesnt know if she could go and meet up for it.

It would prob happen if we were out and she got really drunk but we cant really afford to go out these days but whenever i do get a chance i think ill take her away for a wknd and see how it goes. Ill make sure to bring an extra bottle vodka lol.

Me personaly has a really high sex drive and my misses is the oposite and isnt really creative. Me, id hand of the celing if i knew it was that bit kinkyer but shes different.

When i really think about it i prob wont be around with her after our kids have all grown up because theres alot i want to experience that she doesnt and wouldnt really want to pressure her into doing something she doesnt so i think ill have to meet someone who does when that time comes.

Aidric

helimachoptor wrote: »

Some people are into it. I think you'd need to be very comfortable, watching your wife/husband getting their rocks off with someone else probably isnt the easiest thing to watch.

True. Jealously is going to kick in sooner or later. I wouldn't knock it because it could be just what's needed on a casual basis. I wouldn't be in favor of it on a regular basis as I think it's unhealthy.
Then again I don't believe we are programmed to be monogomous so what would I know.

newbie2013

newbie2013 wrote: »

I love the idea of swinging but my long term partner of 15yrs isnt to keen on it. She says that fantasisng about a 3sum really turns her on but she doesnt know if she could go and meet up for it.

It would prob happen if we were out and she got really drunk but we cant really afford to go out these days but whenever i do get a chance i think ill take her away for a wknd and see how it goes. Ill make sure to bring an extra bottle vodka lol.

Me personaly has a really high sex drive and my misses is the oposite and isnt really creative. Me, id hand of the celing if i knew it was that bit kinkyer but shes different.

When i really think about it i prob wont be around with her after our kids have all grown up because theres alot i want to experience that she doesnt and wouldnt really want to pressure her into doing something she doesnt so i think ill have to meet someone who does when that time comes.

Jesus.

You're going to get her drunk to see if you can persuade her into a 3some you know she's not really interested in, then you're going to leave her when the kids are raised, because you think someone else might be more into the same things as you.

You might be doing her a favour if you just go now.

Oh yeah, LOL.

newbie2013

Candie wrote: »

Jesus.

You're going to get her drunk to see if you can persuade her into a 3some you know she's not really interested in, then you're going to leave her when the kids are raised, because you think someone else might be more into the same things as you.

You might be doing her a favour if you just go now.

Oh yeah, LOL.

Lol sounds crazy but i know her and know she would really like to try it, sure who wouldnt. Its the confidence issues i have issus with and know she wouldnt have the courage to jump in the deep end and go wild like i would so would really need someone on my wave length. Is there anything wrong with tgat. Were happy with other things in life and ill be around to raise my kids the way i see fit then when its time for my time, then ill find someone whos same outlook in life as me and the misses can do the same and wrre all happy.