Toilets.

unknown13 · 28-09-2010 8:01pm

Ruski wrote: »

TimeToShine, you deserve a section in the Observer, submitting reviews of on-campus toilets.

TimeToShine deserves a section for Ranting. Week 1: "The Gamesoc is gay". Week 2: "Toiltets". Week 3: TBD

dynamot · 28-09-2010 8:58pm

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Look horse, if you have a loose round in the chamber and the the auld jocks are getting the 'witches kiss' head for the squash courts down at the sports centre.

Nice and warm, good room, and plenty of background noise to mask the low rumble of a sour peppery run of ripe midden exiting the sphincter and thwacking solidly off the back of the pan..

One can unload there in full confidence, put the full squeeze on, and blow out loose meaty chunks with the expectation that there will be no 'tut tutting' from the vestibule of the toilet.

The Flutt blew out a meaty load with accompanying 'noises off' in the Grange Golf Club recently and heard a 'tut tutting' from the body of the hall as it were.

So there you go buddy, build up a head of steam after the curry takeaway and and the stodgy chips and don't be afraid to build up the full compressor strength and hose out a nice loose peppery lad in there.

Extra marks if you cloud the seat in a thin skein of watery mist.

Have one for me;)

thats disgustingly descriptive

**Timbuk2** · 28-09-2010 9:09pm

TTS, you're actually hilarious - I sort of wish you were in the same course as me (you came close

).

Keep the reviews up - they make me laugh.

Plus I didn't know students could use the bathrooms in O'Reilly Hall?

parker kent · 28-09-2010 10:09pm

**Timbuk2** wrote: »

Plus I didn't know students could use the bathrooms in O'Reilly Hall?

Well you can if O'Reilly Hall is open and you are in there (like at a graduation or one of the bigger Lawsoc or L&H events). Otherwise, and this pun is entirely intended, tough shít

TimeToShine · 28-09-2010 10:13pm

They're doing some kind of construction or something so the doors are open, so basically our shítting pleasure depends on whether or not the builders do their jobs... so a definite no for a while anyway

FlutterinBantam · 28-09-2010 10:18pm

TimeToShine wrote: »

After a tedious day of college today, I felt it was time for one of the aforementioned shíts.

After a 15 minute debate with myself, and after letting off a watery fart, I decided to go with the O'Reilly Hall. I was not disappointed.

I was greeted by the pleasant smell of Roses, and lo and behold there was a vase of roses in the corner. At each sink there was a tub of Palmolive Milk and Honey, my favourite kind , each sitting oh so royally on a stand of pure aluminium.

Then I entered the haven known as the Toilet itself. Spotless, 2 rolls of tissue AND a coat hanger so one can take off his/her trousers and spread the legs for maximum shítting comfort. The lack of top class graffiti from our intellectual and educated fellow students was missed and I admit quite disappointing, but the scenery was quite relaxing and the shít came out quite pleasantly.

Upon finishing, I used a lot of toilet roll to clean up after me, and WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT it went down in ONE FLUSH. Truly miraculous stuff.

Now onto the rating system:

Smell : 9/10

Scenery: 6/10

Solitude:10/10

Facilities: 10/10

Size: 7/10

I will keep you all updated as I venture forth through UCD, mercilessly subjecting each and every toilet to the most rigorous of tests, in order to find out who truly deserves to swallow up my, nay OUR shít every day.

Excellent use of your time, truly worthwhile.

Could I respectfully suggest that as the Autumn season sinks into Winter and the trees divest themselves of their verdant foliage, you rate the shitters for heat as well.

One cannot have a comfortable evacuation in a cold shitter
as the freckle will not expand to release the ripe burnished 'King Edward'.

Just a suggestion mind, hope you don't take umbrage.

parker kent · 28-09-2010 10:42pm

TimeToShine wrote: »

They're doing some kind of construction or something so the doors are open, so basically our shítting pleasure depends on whether or not the builders do their jobs... so a definite no for a while anyway

You really should thank me for letting you know about the toileting delights of O'Reilly Hall.

unknown13 · 28-09-2010 11:02pm

This is the solution to your problem.

Ruski · 28-09-2010 11:37pm

Sure, standing it's grand but what if you have to squat? Should we get one of them public jacks which are made out of glass, but you can't see inside? Cos those are badass.

HavingCrack · 29-09-2010 7:54pm

Don't go near the Newstead toilets....awful place altogether. The basement toilets in the Sports Centre are fairly dingy as well.

The basement toilets in the Library building beside the SU shop were quite nice last time I was 'doing my business'.

antomorro-sei · 29-09-2010 8:47pm

This thread is excellent. Bravo, lads.

laserlad2010 · 29-09-2010 11:13pm

might I recommend something that may shock other users... try the disabled toilets in the Health Science building, top or 2nd floor, very seldom used and quite private. Kept well clean too. You can even make use of the aids to sit yourself down, and, if you're feeling particularly lazy, you can ring the alarm bell to get someone from the reception come and help you out...

FlutterinBantam · 30-09-2010 5:39pm

Very well observed.

Nothing like a strong set of bars to brace oneself when trying to back out an enormous crusty log.

Takes the strain from the lower back and sphincter and give excellent control when the the log is 'crowning'.

Good man ,keep up the good work.

FlutterinBantam · 04-10-2010 6:06pm

Crimped off a glistening 'King Edward' into #3 stall O'Reilly shitters today.

Looked almost regal and Titanic like as she slipped into the 'S'.

Awesome!

**Timbuk2** · 04-10-2010 6:48pm

/Adds to list of toilets that I won't be going into

WeeBushy · 04-10-2010 9:27pm

TTS, I humbly suggest you try out the jacks up stairs in the ag building. They are surprisingly clean considering the clientele, and quiet as well. I think your cheeks would quite enjoy it.

Don't use the ones downstairs though, just a word of warning.

Gi joe! · 05-10-2010 2:38pm

Ruski wrote: »

Such an exhilarating feeling to be in those toilets. Reminds me of the anal suppository scene in Trainspotting.

x2

There's just something about the confinement and overall atmosphere of those toilets that makes me feel more alive than anywhere else.

My first day of college I entered those jacks a boy, but left a man.........

Chet T16 · 05-10-2010 3:12pm

Gi joe! wrote: »

x2
My first day of college I entered those jacks a boy, but left a man.........

And i'll never forget you x

Mardy Bum · 05-10-2010 4:18pm

50 posts and counting about toilets? Has this got a wee bit embarrassing yet?

FlutterinBantam · 05-10-2010 4:34pm

:rolleyes:

Not in the slightest, horse.

WeeBushy · 05-10-2010 5:01pm

Mardy Bum wrote: »

50 posts and counting about toilets? Has this got a wee bit embarrassing yet?

Seeing as the average person spend 5% of their life on the bog, there's not enough posts imo. Its a very important aspect of our lives and I for one applaud a man who aims to improve the experience (for us all) of squeezing one out.

Ruski · 05-10-2010 5:08pm

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

:rolleyes:

Not in the slightest, horse.

Your avatar is VERY relevant to this thread.

FlutterinBantam · 05-10-2010 5:41pm

Ruski wrote: »

Your avatar is VERY relevant to this thread.

:eek:

You must be a post grad. student such is your awesome perceptibility.

High achiever eh?

Ruski · 05-10-2010 5:47pm

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

:eek:

You must be a post grad. student such is your awesome perceptibility.

High achiever eh?

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

parker kent · 05-10-2010 5:58pm

Ruski wrote: »

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

Particularly unfunny sarcasm as witnessed above.

FlutterinBantam · 05-10-2010 6:29pm

Lads, don't be so frikken anal about a post.

Talk about pointing out the obvious.

Loosen your thongs and keep sleddin' ok.

Sorry for upsetting you .

1.1 men surely:cool:

parker kent · 05-10-2010 6:45pm

Wasn't really getting at you, more defending the honour of sarcasm. Biggest cliche in the world to call it the lowest form of wit. Bad sarcasm is low, good sarcasm is great.

As a regular contributor to this thread (including the addition of the information that O'Reilly Hall is where Kings go to crap) I am hardly a dry shíte. Although I am sure that I have probably caused many a dry shíte to occur on O'Reilly Hall as students are renowned for not getting enough roughage in their diets

TimeToShine · 05-10-2010 11:04pm

TOILET UPDATE TOILET UPDATE:

As morally and ethically wrong as it may seem, the toilets downstairs in the Arts building (down the steps behind the reception) are truly top class. Nudging aside the "handicap" sign one enters to see a glorious square shaped cubicle of 2 or 3 metres length and width. Sitting in the corner is an absolutely spotless and unused toilet. No need to worry about splash from those retárds who can't aim for a circle from 4 centimetres away, no need to worry about catching AIDS from sitting on those nasty shít stained seats, a perfectly clean flawless blue, easy on the eye and easy on the cheeks.

The best thing about these toilets? the sound-proofing. No need to worry about people hearing you in the next cubicle and thinking "who's that weirdo?". One can heave and pant all he or she wants as they desperately try to lodge that fudge monkey who just refuses to budge. Grunt, moan, pant, or just plain old shouting, your shít lodging methods are safe here.

Upon finishing, one can wipe ones ass with some sublimely soft tissue. Never again will you feel newspaper-esque Lidl quality tissue scraping the inside of your cheeks, all whilst you long for a softer touch. These tissues provide just that, and maybe a bit more.

Another interesting feature I enjoyed was the handles on the sides of the toilets, clearly there for disabled people but most helpful in releasing violent túrds. The idea that every action has an equal and opposite reaction applies here, meaning the handles can be held onto for comfort and support as you blow that fúcker out the other end.

I will report soon with regards to the next big place to take your hard earned shíts. You paid good money for the food you ate, and it's only fair that it's sent off in a fitting manner.

Mardy Bum · 06-10-2010 12:28am

WeeBushy wrote: »

Seeing as the average person spend 5% of their life on the bog, there's not enough posts imo. Its a very important aspect of our lives and I for one applaud a man who aims to improve the experience (for us all) of squeezing one out.

Ok my pun obviously didn't hit home for anyone.

Note to self: Don't use puns

FlutterinBantam · 06-10-2010 8:08am

Excellent report TTS...Indeed, fanned out many a gout of ripe runny stuff there in my day .

Speckled the back wall on occasions too.

Toilets.

Comments