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What age to leave kids home alone?
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grindelwald wrote: »Just to say that i was minding kids at 15 and staying over night as their parents were doing nights shifts and at 16 i left home rented a room and workled 5/7 8-12 hours a day.
We do worry about our kids more these days as we more aware of what goes on, yep those were the days that you could leave the keys in the door or leave the door wide open and nothing would happen, now , not a hope. You get people who pay a high price for leaving their kids for a while (mc canns) yet others can get away with it. You will never know its the wrong time until you get home and find your child gone, murdered or raped. S**t happens you cant predict when its gonna happen and to who, we as parents just try to prevent it from happening to our kids.
Exactly grindelwald who wants to put their kids at risk even if it may be percieved to be a very small one. Does noone here recall what happened to the poor Mccann family when they were only a short distance away from their kids.
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I think a dose of common sense applies. Go into city centres and you will see kids as young as 7 minding 3 or 4 year old's crossing busy roads. They may not get good education but they know how to look after themselves on the street. well until they bump into the local drug dealer.
What annoys me about this thread is the "ah sure it was safe back in my day"
let me tell you something, it was not safe back in your day. Your parents were just not open to the same media hype, where to busy working to worry excessively about things that might happen.
Young boys and girls were abused in small villages/towns around country in 1950's all the time. However, the risk of it happening were very small. Young children 8-10 and it does depend on the child are capable of staying in a house for a couple of hours without the sky falling in or the parent dying or not being able to get back to house. In fact they are capable of a lot more than they are given scope for.
It's up to the parent to decide, the parent maybe completely irresponsible or not but you have to build confidence in a young child or they will never become responsible for themselves. A little bit of , "you're staying on your own for a couple of hours. If you mess up you will lose privileges for a month".
So I would leave you with this final thought. You may risk something "bad" happening in the immediate but you may also be so over protective that it instills so much fear, lack of confidence, ability in your child that they are unable to act in the adult world with the self reliance that is required to survive and thrive. Just cause you can't see that risk in the future doesn't mean it isn't there. I have seen it happen and it can last decades to gain that confidence that should have been there. Life is full of risk. Children need to be taught that they have to bear the burden for their own well-being early on.
What about an different type of emergency where the eldest child is required to stay in house. If in an emergency they haven't been trained or given experience they become the burden rather than the help to save someone else. Point is being over protective is just as much a risk as being too laissez-faire about it.
So in regard the OP imo I think you over reacted to your husband. Your focus was completely misplaced. Because what you did was put too much emphasis on your husband's actions and not on your daughters achievement in self-reliance. You should have applauded her for that, instead you diminished it. I imagine her feelings were probably hurt by your actions. You should have a policy worked out in advance with partner/husband on building up daughters/children experience of minding themselves, so it is a slow build-up rather than a big bang. That was both your responsibility. And at the end of the day, a father will always take more risks with children than a mother, it's a genetic deficiency
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Exactly grindelwald who wants to put their kids at risk even if it may be percieved to be a very small one. Does noone here recall what happened to the poor Mccann family when they were only a short distance away from their kids.
Eh.. I think its apples and pears mentioning the McCanns here - the OP was asking at what age was an appropriate time to leave your children i.e. when they are at an age when they can start to look after themselves for a short time - the McCann children should have UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES been left on their own.. they were practially just babies.0 -
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melissahodson wrote: »Hi
Can anyone tell me what age they feel its ok to leave children home alone for a few hours?
I was away at the weekend and my hubby left our daughter who is 9, (10 in November) home alone while he went to a neighbours house to watch a football match with our other 2 children! He called twice to make sure she was ok, and she knew not to answer door etc, and she had his num to call him in emergency, but I was livid as feel she is far to young, she still believes in Santa for goodness sake!
Am I over-reacting?
I dont understand why he didnt bring them with him
They could have played in other room rather than been left home alone. 0 -
My way of thinking is why put yourself or your kids in a position where it could happen to you if you don't need to, thats all. No harm in giving kids a bit or responsibility at all, at 11-12 it'd be ok to let a child stay home alone for awhile knowing that they'd hopefully have the smarts to not allow anyone in etc... but if the worst came to the worst theirs no way they could fight off an attacker etc....
Didn't you see Home Alone 1, 2 and 3 0 -
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I dont understand why he didnt bring them with him They could have played in other room rather than been left home alone.
I know that was my main prob, he brought the younger two, but our eldest wanted to stay and watch a movie, I said the same she could have watched it on laptop in diff room if she didn't want to watch football. I am glad i put this message up now as got mixed comments and i can honestly say he will NEVER leave her alone again!!! I still feel strongly that 9 nearly 10 to young and wil see when she is 13, when she is in secondary school.0 -
Cat Melodeon wrote: »Trying to find a link to back this up, but I'm pretty sure that there is some sort of law/guideline that says that kids can't be left on their own until they turn 13. Will keep looking and post back if I find it.
Edit: Nope, couldn't find it, could only find 2 articles saying there is no legal limit. However, the ISPCA suggest 16 as being the minimum age (a bit old imo):
http://archives.tcm.ie/irishexaminer/2005/11/11/story727405466.asp
http://www.schooldays.ie/articles/Irish-Times-Their-freedom-your-fears
Its ridiculous isn't it that there is no law??? I searched th internet high and low at the time trying to find guidelines etc, but it was more saying that if anything happened u could be done for neglect, but not stating age they could be left at. I think 16 if its night time you will be gone, but think prob 13 if it was an hour or so in the afternoon. Thanks for articles 0 -
So in regard the OP imo I think you over reacted to your husband. Your focus was completely misplaced. Because what you did was put too much emphasis on your husband's actions and not on your daughters achievement in self-reliance. You should have applauded her for that, instead you diminished it. I imagine her feelings were probably hurt by your actions. You should have a policy worked out in advance with partner/husband on building up daughters/children experience of minding themselves, so it is a slow build-up rather than a big bang. That was both your responsibility. And at the end of the day, a father will always take more risks with children than a mother, it's a genetic deficiency.[/QUOTE]
In my defence, my daughter did not know I was upset with my husband, we never argue in front of them, and she was not nor is aware that I was annoyed with my husband for leaving her. I asked was the movie good, did anyone knock at door, call the house etc, and she knew not to answer door as she is not allowed ans door when I am in the shower etc. I still stand by my view that 9 is too young, she has plenty of time to grow up and be given responsibility. I feel people want children to grow up too quick nowadays, their childhood is precious, from the tv to media its all about them growing up fast, sexualising their clothes, magazines etc, I mean they even had padded bra's for 9 yr old!!! Whats that all about? She is an innocent 9yr old and I am delighted about that, she has plenty of time to grow up. Its a big bad world out there and its my job to protect her.
We had not had a discussion about the appropriate age to leave her etc, as it has never come up, but he knew my views from discussions we had when my sister was leaving her son and her worries and he was 14!!0 -
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