Is there ever a right time?

Mink

I'm sure this has been brought up before, but I can't find any threads on it.

I'm late 20's, husband early 30's. We're financially sort of ok, ie; very secure jobs, managing, renting but in a nice neighbourhood & enough space in our house etc. We've been married several years and we are really happy together :-)

I've been really getting broody probably the past two years. About ever 6 months or so another wave of friends & aquaintances (around the same age as me) get pregnant. I'm very happy for them & sort of live vicariously through them but it just makes me long to get pregnant.

Ideally I would have liked to own an actual house of our own but we are still a ways off from that. We're paying off debts & have to save. We're getting there but it's a slow, slow process.

There are also some other personal goals that we each have that we'd both like to reach before jumping into the whole baby thing. However, we've had those goals for many many years. About a year ago someone said to me that I should aim to have those goals reached in two years and then starting making babies. But I'm not quite there yet. However, the biological clock waits for no one.

My OH is really really good with kids but he doesn't bring the subject up as much as me. I feel like I'm annoying him by constantly surreptitiously raising the matter.

Not so much looking for advice as I know that essentially I need to sit down with him again & see where he is at on the whole thing. But I wanted to get some stories from others who are, or have been, in a similar situation. Did it all work out in the end? Or should I really make sure all my life "i"'s & "t"'s are dotted and crossed?

Khannie

Mink wrote: »

should I really make sure all my life "i"'s & "t"'s are dotted and crossed?

You'll be waiting forever for that. There really is no such thing as the ideal time. There will always be something not perfectly right in your life.

On the last one my wife said "I'd like to go". I initially didn't really want to at the time, but I went off, had a think about it, we talked some more, I took her feelings into consideration then said ok. Couldn't be happier with how it all turned out.

Then last week she said "I'd like to go again in 12 months". Initially I was a bit surprised, but again I went off and had a think about it. Seemed as good a time as any. I said ok, so we'll go again in 12 months probably.

Maybe just say you'd like to go for it and see what he says?

January

Khannie wrote: »

You'll be waiting forever for that. There really is no such thing as the ideal time. There will always be something not perfectly right in your life.

On the last one my wife said "I'd like to go". I initially didn't really want to at the time, but I went off, had a think about it, we talked some more, I took her feelings into consideration then said ok. Couldn't be happier with how it all turned out.

Then last week she said "I'd like to go again in 12 months". Initially I was a bit surprised, but again I went off and had a think about it. Seemed as good a time as any. I said ok, so we'll go again in 12 months probably.

Maybe just say you'd like to go for it and see what he says?

Just make sure you're not delivering this one yourself

I don't think there ever is a right time. Ever... There's so many pros and cons to going for it and then so many for waiting. You may regret if you wait as as you get older it gets harder to conceive and you could be waiting longer to get pregnant. You may regret if you go now as you haven't got all your goals achieved, or because you haven't bought a house yet.

Sit down and talk with your husband and work it out between yourselves, you may decide to wait another year or you may decide to start trying straight away, but whatever you choose will be the right decision for you.

Grawns

You could be better of renting for the next 10 years rather than buying a house so if you're happy where you are currently I'd leave owning your own home out of consideration.

There is definitly no ideal time as I've had friends who ended up having problems getting pregnant even when every other thing was in place in their lives. It just has to be a joint decision so get talking.

Khannie

adrieanne__x wrote: »

Just make sure you're not delivering this one yourself

Actually we're seriously considering a home birth the last experience was so positive.

(sorry for the OT, OP).

littlemissfixit

I don't think there ever is a perfect time either. My hubby and I had been talking about it for a while, always saying we would go for it in a while, there was always something, maybe after this... and after we do that... etc.. We have our own house but it was under huge renovations so we were living in rented accommodation.
Then I started having health problems with the pill, changing doing no good, we kinda talked and tought " anyway, it takes most people a good few months to conceive so might as well stop the pill now and we'll get pregnant in the next year or so that would be fine..."
This wasn't to be as I got pregnant the very first month, for which we are very thankful for because 3 months later I was being made redundant. Why thankful then might you say, well if I had lost my job before getting pregnant, we would probably have put it on the ice again and god knows for how long. It's as if things had been decided for us. I could moan that it was impossible to find another job in a recession while pregnant and that money is very tight, but I'd rather see the bright side: I could really take care of myself even though I couldn't buy any nice clothes, makeup and all the rest to spoil myself, in three weeks time our beautiful baby with us and a husband that had no choice but to put the big push on the house renovations

crazy cat lady

Oh there definately isn't a right time, and even if you decide that its the right time, this will be the time when your body won't cooperate!

The things is, even if it isn't the right time, you will always manage. A baby won't care if you own your own home, as long as you have a home filled with love.

A baby won't care if you have achieved your personal goals, and I can almost guarantee that your personal goals will seem a lot less significant after a baby comes. You won't mind waiting a while to achieve them as a baby will take priority in your life and you will love every minute if having a baby is what you want. And anyway, is having a baby not a personal goal? One that has an expiration date?

We don't own our own home, we haven't travelled as much as we would like, and my husband was about to sit his semester one exams of his first year of an engineering degree when our little lady was due (fortunately she waiting til after to come... much after :mad:) We've managed, we haven't struggled, and although I'm sure there could've been a 'better' time to start a family, it certainly wasn't the wrong time

Mink

Thanks guys. I think I need to bite the bullet & talk to him over next few weeks (at least to get it off my chest). We just lost a beloved family pet yesterday so neither of us are in a mood to talk babies at this moment.

I guess the good thing is that once your pregnant, you do have several months to get some stuff sorted, it's not like you decide to get pregnant and then you wake up one morning and there's the baby in a crib beside you!

Even if we agree that we'll definitely go for it in a year that would make me happy as we have even more time to get stuff done and prepared and I'll know that there is a definite time we're going to try, rather than thinking it could be another 5 years etc.

sbhomebird

yes, there is never a good time... we thought that we were in a great position. My husband had a great job, as did I.. then just two weeks before we had our daughter , he was made redundant.my job, although a great job, didn't pay me during maternity leave... there was no way to plan for that....Things were tough for a while, but you just get on with things

best of luck

ThePiedPiper

absolutely no such thing as the right time.. If our parents and grandparents had all waited to have babies at the right time, none of us would be here.

From a personal point of view, we found out we were expecting our first when
1. Not married but we were engaged and planning a wedding
2. Not owning our own house, but about to start buidling
3. OH starting a college course
4. Me looking for a job
5. Not done as much travelling as we wanted
etc, etc, etc.

Does it matter even remotely now? Absolutely not. We did all the other things we had planned and are now expecting a second, even though I'm about to probably go back to education!! Again, not a perfect time. No such thing.

Two friends of mine were probably the opposite, spent years waiting until the perfect time, when lo and behold the perfect time arrived, they took another 2 years of ttc until they had their child and regret leaving it so long.

How Strange

I agree there is no right time. There will always be a reason to wait; bigger house, buy instead of renting, travel more, better job, get a job etc etc.

I think it's a good idea to bring up the subject and give a time such as a year to prepare yourselves. We did this last year, I told my oh that I was becoming more open to the idea of babies. We discussed it then, left it be for a few months and almost a year later I said I'd like to start trying.

I'm 24 weeks now and while it was nerve wracking at first seeing the positive sign on the pee stick we got our heads around it very quickly and now we're both delighted.

We know life will change fundamentally and while we're very fortunate to both have jobs we do wish we lived in a bigger place but you know that's just how it is.

I think saying it out loud a year ago really gave us both the time to prepare ourselves for the idea of babies and having them together. It's a big and scary step for most couples and we still go through moments of panic but we don't regret going for it.