Renting from family: Am I paying too much?

adamski8

if you left OP then your mother would get €0 for the room, presuming she wouldnt want a stranger moving in
looking from the strangers POV they wouldnt want to pay full whack to live in a family house
so if your mother is basing what she see's rents in the surrounding area she is not taking this into consideration
so with that in mind €400+ is defo not worth it and thats even leaving aside she is family etc

sambuka41

OP it sounds fair enough,you are an adult working full time. You need to pay your way in the world. And as you say if you haven't got the money for some reason she will be more understanding than a landlord!! It sounds like she needs the money and is not able to say it to you out right,she's probably embarrassed.

The children of the Celtic tiger are something else!! It is not a parents obligation to fund their kids forever. Plus we are in the middle of a recession,you'd be some selfish git if you wouldn't help your ma out with a bit of cash if you have it. (not saying that you are OP just in response to some of the posters)

In saying all that though there is nothing like the freedom of moving out.

XxMCRxBabyxX

sambuka41 wrote: »

The children of the Celtic tiger are something else!! It is not a parents obligation to fund their kids forever. Plus we are in the middle of a recession,you'd be some selfish git if you wouldn't help your ma out with a bit of cash if you have it. (not saying that you are OP just in response to some of the posters)

In saying all that though there is nothing like the freedom of moving out.

Does everything have to be about "the children of the celtic tiger"?! i don't think that has anything to do with this situation. People are more concerned that the OP's mother is expecting a high enough rent off her child when they could be able to get cheaper elsewhere with more freedom.

There's helping out and being exploited imo.

OP if you can find cheaper for the same facilities I don't see why you shouldn't move out. If your mother wants to teach you how to be independent, moving out will teach you this an awful lot better than just living at home with most of your responsibilities covered.

sambuka41

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

Does everything have to be about "the children of the celtic tiger"?! i don't think that has anything to do with this situation. People are more concerned that the OP's mother is expecting a high enough rent off her child when they could be able to get cheaper elsewhere with more freedom.

There's helping out and being exploited imo.

OP if you can find cheaper for the same facilities I don't see why you shouldn't move out. If your mother wants to teach you how to be independent, moving out will teach you this an awful lot better than just living at home with most of your responsibilities covered.

Yeah i think it is a Celtic tiger attitude thats left over. Its the sense of entitlement that bugs me. As an adult you cant expect others to pay your way, not even your parents. People saying that its too much money for the family home are not living in the real world. For the OP to keep paying their €75 a week when theres less money coming into the house is very unfair. In that case its costing to have the OP at home.

I dont think thats exploitation,its an acknowledgement of the fact that times are hard. Its one step closer to independence and responsibility.

In saying that I wouldnt blame the OP for wanting to move out if he/she felt ready. And there are loads of positives to moving out of the family home and having your own space.

XxMCRxBabyxX

sambuka41 wrote: »

Yeah i think it is a Celtic tiger attitude thats left over. Its the sense of entitlement that bugs me. As an adult you cant expect others to pay your way, not even your parents. People saying that its too much money for the family home are not living in the real world. For the OP to keep paying their €75 a week when theres less money coming into the house is very unfair. In that case its costing to have the OP at home.

I dont think thats exploitation,its an acknowledgement of the fact that times are hard. Its one step closer to independence and responsibility.

In saying that I wouldnt blame the OP for wanting to move out if he/she felt ready. And there are loads of positives to moving out of the family home and having your own space.

But no one said that! They just felt the rent was too high for what was being offered, not that the mother should be paying her child's way

OS119

sambuka41 wrote: »

Yeah i think it is a Celtic tiger attitude thats left over. Its the sense of entitlement that bugs me. As an adult you cant expect others to pay your way, not even your parents. People saying that its too much money for the family home are not living in the real world. For the OP to keep paying their €75 a week when theres less money coming into the house is very unfair. In that case its costing to have the OP at home.

I dont think thats exploitation,its an acknowledgement of the fact that times are hard. Its one step closer to independence and responsibility.

while thats entirely true if you want to bring the 'real world' into the price of living in your parents home as an adult, it also swings the other way - if parents can't afford to keep such a large/expensive house without charging a market rent for a sub-market product, then the logic of 'the real world' suggests that they need to tailor their expectations of what kind of home they can afford to suit their income.

the market is a double edged sword - if you want to use it as a method of increasing income you have to offer a product thats comensurate with what the market offers.

sambuka41

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

But no one said that! They just felt the rent was too high for what was being offered, not that the mother should be paying her child's way

Granted,im probably not explaining myself very well!!:p What i was trying to say is that its not too much if its helping the family out and if it suits the OP.

With the celtic tiger type thinking of what you can get for yourself bugs me. In this case it sounds like the OP mother is down cash from brother moving out and has 2 dependent kids. She's not an evil landlord asking for above the going rate. As some other posters said its about the same once bills and food included. So either way its down to the OP and what they want to do.

Edit(OP if i had a roof over my head,food and bills covered for €475 Id be quite happy with that!! Its a lot cheaper than what i am currently paying!!:P)

am i bovvered

Hi OP
The facts are your an adult now, your mother can charge you what she wants to live in her house, its up to you whether you want to accept it or not.
If you decide you can do better elsewhere then go, your mother should have no problem with that.
Good luck

hondasam

op
speaking as a mother I have never asked my own kids to pay rent, my son comes home on his days of and brings his washing. I often buy shopping for them when Im in town. my son and daughters rent a house together. the all lived at home until a few years ago but never in a million years would we ask rent of them or ask them to pay bills. now i dont know what your mothers finances are, maby she needs your help. my advise would be if you are going to pay this much get your own place, you can get a room in a shared house now for €60 per week. parents help their kids as much as the possibly can and parents hope that in return when the are older the kids will return the favour.

JuliusCaesar

hondasam wrote: »

parents help their kids as much as the possibly can

Most parents help their children become independent and self-sufficient.

hondasam

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Most parents help their children become independent and self-sufficient.

meaning ?

didntgotoplan

The deal was €475 per month, all bills included except food. I do all my own washing, ironing and cooking myself. Yes it's my own family home.

So I had a talk with her. She is worried about work and handling bills and she wanted me to help out. I graduated a year ago and have only been working part time since then as it was the only work I could get, so she has been supporting me since then even though I paid her between €200-€300 a month.

I normally do half of the cooking anyway for myself, but she buys the food which can be annoying if I use some of something she had planned for another dinner another day. The deal was I do all the cooking for myself with food I buy myself, but we worked it out that I'd help out by cooking 3/4 dinners a week and she will do the rest. I'll go shopping with her and we will either, add up what I will be using or split it into 4 so that I'm paying my share.

The thing is that if I move out she won't rent to anyone else (she has told me that she couldn't have someone she doesn't know living with her) and that could mean that she will end up not being able to afford the place anymore. We all grew up in this house and I know that the youngest two wouldn't want to live elsewhere as they are happy here and they have exams in the coming years. It was the only thing my mom wanted when my dad left, that she had the house. I would rather help my mom out that help someone else financially.

stepbar

Smcgie wrote: »

I moved out when I was 16, something I will never regret and something I think should be done with a lot of 18-22year olds. OP It may sound big and scary but you could easily live on €50pw after rent.

Sure... if you want to have no life ..... I.E - "A Man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing"

Get real :rolleyes:

stepbar

didntgotoplan wrote: »

The deal was €475 per month, all bills included except food. I do all my own washing, ironing and cooking myself. Yes it's my own family home.

So I had a talk with her. She is worried about work and handling bills and she wanted me to help out. I graduated a year ago and have only been working part time since then as it was the only work I could get, so she has been supporting me since then even though I paid her between €200-€300 a month.

......

The thing is that if I move out she won't rent to anyone else (she has told me that she couldn't have someone she doesn't know living with her) and that could mean that she will end up not being able to afford the place anymore. We all grew up in this house and I know that the youngest two wouldn't want to live elsewhere as they are happy here and they have exams in the coming years. It was the only thing my mom wanted when my dad left, that she had the house. I would rather help my mom out that help someone else financially.

I'm not being funny but that's not really your responsibility. Gouging her son for money seems a bit unmotherly like to me and lets face it she is going to have the same problems should you choose to say or not. And anyhow.... what's your Da contributing? Surely he has responsibilities towards the 2 other kids until they are 18?

Smcgie

stepbar wrote: »

Sure... if you want to have no life ..... I.E - "A Man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing"

Get real :rolleyes:

Another fine flaming post there stepbar.

OS119

stepbar wrote: »

I'm not being funny but that's not really your responsibility. Gouging her son for money seems a bit unmotherly like to me and lets face it she is going to have the same problems should you choose to say or not....

that would be my concern here OP - if your mum can't afford to live in the house without you contibuting €500pcm when is she going to accept that she can't afford to live there and move to something she can afford?

is it when all the kids have left and gone to college, or when they've all bought their own homes and got married, or when, to be grim, your mum dies?

sorry mate, but you could be living with your mum till you're 45 at this rate.

sunshineoh9

see, i never understood why parents ask for rent...
they say they want you to move out and then make you pay so you can't really afford to save up to get your own place... its mad! :eek:

ilovesleep

It doesn't matter how much you contribute at home you will never get the respect, privacy and freedom that you deserve. I would highly recommend you to move out. It was the best thing I ever did. I would love to see a landlord spin half of the crap my mother used to give me - he'd find himself up in court.

Cathmandooo

didntgotoplan wrote: »

The deal was €475 per month, all bills included except food. I do all my own washing, ironing and cooking myself. Yes it's my own family home.

So I had a talk with her. She is worried about work and handling bills and she wanted me to help out. I graduated a year ago and have only been working part time since then as it was the only work I could get, so she has been supporting me since then even though I paid her between €200-€300 a month.

I normally do half of the cooking anyway for myself, but she buys the food which can be annoying if I use some of something she had planned for another dinner another day. The deal was I do all the cooking for myself with food I buy myself, but we worked it out that I'd help out by cooking 3/4 dinners a week and she will do the rest. I'll go shopping with her and we will either, add up what I will be using or split it into 4 so that I'm paying my share.

The thing is that if I move out she won't rent to anyone else (she has told me that she couldn't have someone she doesn't know living with her) and that could mean that she will end up not being able to afford the place anymore. We all grew up in this house and I know that the youngest two wouldn't want to live elsewhere as they are happy here and they have exams in the coming years. It was the only thing my mom wanted when my dad left, that she had the house. I would rather help my mom out that help someone else financially.

That's a very difficult situation to be in. Does your mom have all the help she can get from the State? Would you suggest to her that she contact Threshold asking them what her options are if she cant afford to keep the house. You shouldn't be guilted into supporting her and your younger siblings, while it's good to give back, she is taking the biscuit a bit.

Is there any view of the future where she's going to be able to support herself and the 2 without your help? Or is she looking at you as a long term supporter?

solovely

Is your Mum paying a mortgage or rent herself? If so, and if you are the chief income earner, it doesn't seem like an unfair amount to pay....but for your own sanity and pocket, you could get a much better deal nearer to your work.

I have two tenants and even including bills, their rent isn't that much and I'm 30 mins from Dublin city centre. I would feel like I was totally taking advantage of them to charge more.

The fact that you have to use your own fridge and can't use the dishwasher astound me!!! There is no rational landlord or landlady who would impose such impositions on a tenant!

Really think you need to sit down with your Mum and attempt an adult chat.

Do you actually like living at home is the main question really? If you do, then it's worth negotiating the rent down, if not, there is no logical reason to stay.

And this lark that Dublin people give of having to save to move out of home....all of us country folk did it at 18, without a penny to our names...come on, it's not that hard!!

the_syco

Cathmandooo wrote: »

That's a very difficult situation to be in. Does your mom have all the help she can get from the State? Would you suggest to her that she contact Threshold asking them what her options are if she cant afford to keep the house. You shouldn't be guilted into supporting her and your younger siblings, while it's good to give back, she is taking the biscuit a bit.

Is there any view of the future where she's going to be able to support herself and the 2 without your help? Or is she looking at you as a long term supporter?

Agreed. IMO, this is akin to emotional blackmail.

hondasam

didntgotoplan wrote: »

The deal was €475 per month, all bills included except food. I do all my own washing, ironing and cooking myself. Yes it's my own family home.

So I had a talk with her. She is worried about work and handling bills and she wanted me to help out. I graduated a year ago and have only been working part time since then as it was the only work I could get, so she has been supporting me since then even though I paid her between €200-€300 a month.

I normally do half of the cooking anyway for myself, but she buys the food which can be annoying if I use some of something she had planned for another dinner another day. The deal was I do all the cooking for myself with food I buy myself, but we worked it out that I'd help out by cooking 3/4 dinners a week and she will do the rest. I'll go shopping with her and we will either, add up what I will be using or split it into 4 so that I'm paying my share.

The thing is that if I move out she won't rent to anyone else (she has told me that she couldn't have someone she doesn't know living with her) and that could mean that she will end up not being able to afford the place anymore. We all grew up in this house and I know that the youngest two wouldn't want to live elsewhere as they are happy here and they have exams in the coming years. It was the only thing my mom wanted when my dad left, that she had the house. I would rather help my mom out that help someone else financially.

I think your mom relies on you a lot and you are probably doing a lot of the things your dad should be doing for the younger kids but I think she needs to appreciate you more. You are obviously a very good daughter, she should be proud of you.:)

didntgotoplan

Thanks for all the advice guys.
I do understand where all of you, both of the sides, as I'm very mixed about this myself.
I'm on a 3 month trial in work so I think I will wait until that's over before moving out. During that time, i'm going to save up some money so that I would have it there in case I do end up moving out.

Thanks everyone.

stepbar

Smcgie wrote: »

Another fine flaming post there stepbar.

Mmmm.... have I hit a nerve there? Or maybe because it's true? I'll go with the latter.

Smcgie

stepbar wrote: »

Mmmm.... have I hit a nerve there?.

No not really but I am intelligent enough to understand that you have an issue with me and continue to reply to my posts outside the I&M forum with smart arse replies.

Really is the anything I can do to help you stop this? This is the third incident that you have done so, Do you want an apology? because if I've upset you please say and i will quickly apologise and we can bury the hatchet.

This is childish and unnecessary. PM me please if you want to clear anything up.

Sincerely
S.

stepbar

Smcgie wrote: »

No not really but I am intelligent enough to understand that you have an issue with me and continue to reply to my posts outside the I&M forum with smart arse replies.

Really is the anything I can do to help you stop this? This is the third incident that you have done so, Do you want an apology? because if I've upset you please say and i will quickly apologise and we can bury the hatchet.

This is childish and unnecessary. PM me please if you want to clear anything up.

Sincerely
S.

Ah... good one lol :rolleyes: Avoid the matter in hand by posting some ramblings about some "perceived" issues I have with you. You'd sware I go seeking out posts of yours. The fact you even mention something about three "incidents" (which I have no real memory of) says it all. But when you (or anyone for that matter) post nonsense, I feel compelled to respond.

And BTW that was not a smart arse response to your post. It's a matter of fact. If you honestly think someone could "easily" live on 50 eur a week and have any sort of life, well I have to question what planet you are living on.

XxMCRxBabyxX

stepbar wrote: »

Ah... good one lol :rolleyes: Avoid the matter in hand by posting some ramblings about some "percieved" issues I have with you.

And BTW that was not a smart arse responce to your post. It's a matter of fact. If you honestly think someone could "easily" live on 50 eur a week and have any sort of life, well I have to question what planet you are living on.

I live on 50p/w and have quite a good life myself

stepbar

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

I live on 50p/w and have quite a good life myself

Sure about the living on 50 eur p/w bit? Maybe you might want to go back over the figures..... Last time I checked a cinema ticket was about 10 eur, a good book about 15 eur, a DVD 20 and a few beers at the weekend upward of 100eur. The internet you're using (unless you bum it) costs c40 - 50 eur p.m. And I only use those as examples..... Maybe you don't drink.... but unless you have no social life, 25 eur would just about feed you for the week and the other 25 wouldn't pay for much else TBH.

I-Shot-Jr

Your ma (I've always wanted to say this on boards in proper context) is robbing you blind. Absolute joke prices. Move out EDIT: Woman you think you might be uncomfortable but you'll realise the benefits the next time you bring a EDIT:Man home believe me. I still can't get over it though E475 is an absolute rip off to live with her.

djimi

It depends on what youre outgoings actually are but €50 a week is pushing it no matter who you are. Impossible to run a car on that kind of money for example.