Dental plan!

the purple tin

Ralph: Can you open my milk, Mommy?

Miss Hoover: I'm not Mommy, Ralph. I'm Miss Hoover.

McChubbin

"Ah wash mahself with a raaaag on a stiiick!"

reap-a-rat

Frink demonstrates his burglar-proof house.
Frink: Well, as you can see, when the burglar trips the alarm, the house raises from it's foundations and runs down the street, round the corner to safety...
(The house falls over and bursts into flames)
Frink: Well the... the real humans won't uh... won't burn quite so fast in there, mw-hai.

Witcher

Dr. Hibbert Willy, take these folks luggage

Dr. Hibbert Careful, he might try to gnaw on your crotch

Homer Don't worry..I've been around Scotsmen before

Wompa1

Dr. Hibbert: You never forget the birth of Siamese twins!

Lisa: I believe they prefer to be called "Conjoined twins."

Dr. Hibbert: And hillbillies want to be called "Sons of the Soil," but it ain't gonna happen. (Laughs)

Wanderer2010

Ned Flanders on being advised by the Simpsons that he should date a movie star: "Oh I coudn't do that, what would the neighbours think?"

Lisa Simpson: "We ARE the neighbours and we dont think"..

reap-a-rat

Parades just bring out so many emotions in me! Joy, excitement, looking...

Ava_e

Bart; yeah, and a good dad would come to his sons little league games.

Homer: I told you. I find them boring.



After Marge finds a gun in the veg crisper in the fridge, that homer had hidden there.

Marge: you lied to me homer you told me you got rid of the gun.

Homer: but Marge I swear to you, I never thought you'd find out.

the purple tin

Homer: [chanting] Flan-derrrs. Flan-derrrs. Flan-derrrs.

Ned: WHAT!

Homer: The game's down there Flanders, heh heh.

Me_Grapes

Homer: I'm telling you, Flanders can't coach at all! Now I'm not the type to hold a grudge for no reason

Host: Can I interupt you for just one moment sir.

Homer: Uh-uh

Host: Dou you have a question for Sandy Koufax?

Homer: Yes I do. Mr Koufax, don't you think Flanders is a big jerk?

(Host cuts Homer off)

Homer: Y'ello? I think we got cut off there.



Homer: Y'ello.

Valentina

[forming a vigilante group]

Homer: All right, I'll be Cue Ball. Barney can be Eight Ball, Lenny will be Twelve Ball, and Moe, you'll be Cue Ball.
Moe: You're an idiot.

the keen edge

I can't wait to eat that monkey.

krudler

"Oh Monty you're the devil himself"
"WHO TOLD YOU!..oh..."

Riddle101

Jay Sherman: How could you vote for Burn's movie?
Krusty: Let's just say it moved me.... TO A BIGGER HOUSE!!!. Whoops, I said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud.

Abe Simpson: The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it.

Jay Sherman: Tonight, we review an aging Charles Bronson in "Death Wish 9".
Bronson: [in a hospital bed] I wish I was dead. Oy!


Rainier: Jay, my new film is a mixture of action und comedy. It's called "McBain: Let's Get Silly".
*cut to clip from movie showing McBain with a microphone in front of a brick wall*
McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? [pause] That's the joke.
Man: [from audience] You suck, McBain!
*McBain pulls a machine gun and fires into the audience*
McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.
Man: [from audience] Hey, that really sucked!
*McBain pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it at him*
Rainier: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80 million.

Nerdkiller1991

Riddle101 wrote: »

Rainier: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80 million.

"How do you sleep at night?"

wnolan1992

Nerdkiller1991 wrote: »

"How do you sleep at night?"

"On top of a pile of money, with many beeautiful ladies."

Nerdkiller1991

wnolan1992 wrote: »

"On top of a pile of money, with many beeautiful ladies."

"Just asking. Yeesh!"

Heisenberg1

Marge: Homer, we need to talk to a financial planner.
Homer: Financial panther, eh?
[imagining]
Banker: Mr. Simpson, you're a dollar overdrawn.
Homer: Get him, Sheba!
[a panther leaps onscreen and mauls the banker]

longhalloween

foxyboxer wrote: »

On Marge's first day at the plant.

"If anything goes wrong Marge always blame the guy who can't speak english....ah Tebor, how many times have you saved my butt"

Smithers: "I'd give you the key, but that idiot Tebor lost it."

foxyboxer wrote: »

Later
"I'm sick of people always getting promoted ahead of me, you, Carl, Tebor!"

the purple tin

Chief Wiggum: Well your story is very compelling, Mr. Jackass, I mean Simpson. So I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter. [Hums and makes typing motion in the air]

Homer: Hmph, you don't have to humiliate me.
[He leaves, and another man walks in, with scorched clothing, flicking a zippo]

Mad Arsonist: I just torched a building downtown and I'm afraid I'll do it again!

Chief Wiggum: Oh, yeah right. I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter. [Hums and types again] Fruitcake!

gregers85

Lionel Hutz: Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your husband were ejected out of the restaurant.
Marge: Well, we pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, remember that you are under oath.
Marge: We drove around until three in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn't find one?
Marge: [crying] We... went... fishing.
Lionel Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man whose had.... ALL he could eat?

Fowler87

Yeah I'm stupid, stupid like a fox!

Heisenberg1

RAMONE #1
I'd just like to say this gig sucks!
RAMONE #2
Hey, up yours, Springfield.
RAMONE #1
One, two, three, four! (loud guitar music begins) Happy birthday to you!
RAMONE #2
(backing) Happy birthday!
RAMONE #1
Happy birthday to you!
RAMONE #2
(backing) Happy birthday!
RAMONE #1
Happy birthday, Burnsie, happy birthday to you!
RAMONE #3
Go to hell, you old bastard!
The song finishes and the curtain closes.

RAMONE #4
Hey, I think they liked us.
BURNS
Have the Rolling Stones killed.
SMITHERS
But sir, those aren't the--
BURNS
Do as I say!

Heisenberg1

He throws the bear outside. Next we see it in 1957, atop a submarine about to dive. Bobo becomes frozen in a block of ice, and is dug up in the Arctic in the present day. He is packed into a bag of ice, and put in a van. The van then arrives at the Kwik-E-Mart, and the men unload the bags of ice.

MAN
You've gotta start selling this for more than a dollar a bag. We lost four more men on this expedition.
APU
If you can think of a better way to get ice, I'd like to hear it.
The men chatter, unable to think of one.

MAN
Beats me.
Bart picks up a bag.

BART
Hey Apu, this bag of ice has a head in it.
APU
Ooh, a head bag! Those are choc-full of... heady goodness!

Heisenberg1

Man with Pitchfork: [to evil children in 'The Bloodening'] Got off my land!
Boy #1: [mysterious British accent] Actually, we'd prefer to stay.
[the man becomes frightened and holds his pitchfork up in defence]
Boy #1: [mysterious British accent] You're thinking of hurting us.
Girl: [mysterious British accent] Now you're thinking, 'How did they know what I was thinking?'
Boy #2: [mysterious British accent] Now you're thinking, 'I hope that's shepherd's pie in my knickers!'

Thundercats Ho

Patty: I can't believe Aunt Gladys is really gone.

Selma: Her legend will live forever.

Homer's Brain: Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman.
Homer: [laughs hysterically] Legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh, that's good!

Marge: HOMER!

Homer: Wha--? D'oh!

talla10

Homer; Bart's teacher is named Krappel? Ive been calling her Krandell Oh i've been making an idiot of myself!!

______________________

Watching Homer eating donuts on security cam.

Burns; Thats right Keep eating little do you know your inching forever closer to the poisioned donut!! HA HA HA HA.... There is a poisioned one isnt there Smithers?

Smithers; Eh no sir. I've spoken to our lawyers they consider it murder.

Burns; Damn Nation!

Heisenberg1

Lou: I went to the McDonald's over in Shelbyville the other day.
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2,000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm... Must've sprung up over night.
Lou: But you know, it's the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example.
Lou: Well, at a McDonald's you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out. What do they call it?
Lou: A "Quarter Pounder" with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: "Quarter Pounder" with cheese? Well, I can see the cheese but? do they have Krusty's "Partially Gelatinated, Non-Dairy, Gum-Based Beverages"?
Lou: Yeah, they call them "shakes."
Eddie: Huh. "Shakes." You don't know what you're gettin'.

Heisenberg1

Chief Wiggum: We'll start the tour in a second. I just gotta check the answering machine. [checks it and there are 75 messages] Aw, can't anybody in this town take the law into their own hands?

Chief Wiggum: Now, what I am about to show you next may shock and educate you. Hold onto your values as we step through the looking glass into a hippie pot party. [flicks a switch, lighting a mannequin with a joint crudely stuck to his mouth] While Johnny Welfare plays acid rock on a stolen guitar, his old lady has a better idea. [lights up another mannequin, of a woman opening wide to eat a baby sandwich; the crowd gasps] That's right, she's got the munchies for a California Cheeseburger.

the purple tin

Bart: You are never going to guess what I saw at Martin's party
after you guys left. You know that playhouse? Well, I...

Skinner: [overhearing] Good gravy!

Cafeteria Worker: Oh, thank you. Ee's just brown and water.