Dental plan!

Heisenberg1

Homer Simpson: Okay, boy. This is where all the hard work, sacrifice, and painful scaldings pay off.
Employee: Four pounds of grease... that comes to... sixty-three cents.
Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo!
Bart Simpson: Dad, all that bacon cost twenty-seven dollars.
Homer Simpson: Yeah, but your mom paid for that!
Bart Simpson: But doesn't she get her money from you?
Homer Simpson: And I get my money from grease! What's the problem?

Heisenberg1

Mr. Burns: Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!
Homer Simpson: God bless America!

Heisenberg1

Mr. Burns: [Smithers, Burns and Homer are trying to find an island to start a new country on] Ohhh, there's a big one! And it has freedom written all over it!
Waylon Smithers: Sir... that's Cuba.
Mr. Burns: Cuba, eh? Take 'er down, Smithers.
Waylon Smithers: Uh, you're flying the plane, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.

the purple tin

Assistant: Mayor, there’s an angry mob to see you.

Quimby: Does it have an appointment?

Assistant: Uhhh… yes, it does!

Skinner [pokes his head through the crowd] I phoned ahead!

Witcher

Cletus up a telephone pole;

'Hey you know what? I could call my ma while I'm up here...Hey ma! get off the dang roof'

Nerdkiller1991

Uhhh...

http://i.imgur.com/qrR3xUG.jpg

But then I realised that cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic.

http://i.imgur.com/4iuWzoC.jpg

Vandekyrian

this is a great thread. Has me laughing for hours. thanks!

hardybuck

Lousy Smarch weather....

wnolan1992

hardybuck wrote: »

Lousy Smarch weather....

"Do Not Touch Willy.... Hmm, good advice!"

Dunny

Homer: Remember what Vince Lombardi said, if you lose, you're out of the family!!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Heisenberg1 wrote: »

Mr. Burns: [Smithers, Burns and Homer are trying to find an island to start a new country on] Ohhh, there's a big one! And it has freedom written all over it!
Waylon Smithers: Sir... that's Cuba.
Mr. Burns: Cuba, eh? Take 'er down, Smithers.
Waylon Smithers: Uh, you're flying the plane, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.

Mr. Burns: So you say Batista's gone! [to Homer] Did you know that?
Homer: I had no idea!

Wise Old Elf

Clown college ep is a classic:
Ugh, burn that seat.

Mmaaaaaarge
Yes homey (hums circus music)
That's it, you people have held me back long enough, I'm going to clown college.
I don't think any of us expected him to say that!

qwerty93

Homer: I think the government has better things to do than to read my mail.
(cut to agents reading letters from a bag called 'Simpson Mail')
FBI Agent: Most people write letters to movie stars. This Simpson guy writes to movies. "Dear Die Hard. You rock. Especially when that guy was on the roof. P.S: Do you know Mad Max?"

Hey, Fatty! I've got a movie for ya: A Fridge Too Far!

Rega

Groundskeeper Willie working a flowerbed: There, pretty as a picture.

Zombie climbs out.

Willie: Aaaah zombies!

Willie pats the ground with a shovel: There, pretty as a picture.

Riddle101

When Homer is in the video store watching a trailer for a McBain movie.
Video Shop Clerk: Would you like to rent the movie sir?
Homer: Why? I just saw the best part.

the purple tin

Deleted User wrote: »

Hey, Fatty! I've got a movie for ya: A Fridge Too Far!

Love that nameless smartass.

Lisa: I wan't to buy your smartest hamster.

Clerk: Uh...certainly [picks one at random] this little fellow writes murder mysteries under the name JB MacGregor.

Lisa: What! How could he do that?

Clerk: Well, he thinks up the ending and then works his way backwards.

the purple tin

Sign at the candy convention

'Welcome. Candy convention - hall 1.
Candy shaped rat poison convention - hall 2.'

Sign in vegas
'Appearing tonight 'Knights In White Satin' a tribute to the Moody blues. Support act - The Moody Blues.'

WilcoOut

Dont you hate pants!?

Chancer3001

Homer to Lisa - Thats why we've got elected officials. So we dont HAVE to think all the time.

Thwip!

Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.



Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?



Superintendent Chalmers: “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.

Chancer3001

Homer to bouncer backstage at U2 gig: Potato man

bouncer : where the hell have you been?

Hulk Hands

Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge: What's that?
Homer: A dinosaur.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Smithers: But, Mr. Burns, you;re the richest man in the world!
Burns: Ah yes. But I'd give it all up for a little more.

orestes

Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say die Bart die?
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for 'The Bart The'.
Woman on Parole Board: No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

Homer: HEYBARTYOUWANTTOSEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?!

Rake: *thwack*
Sideshow Bob: rrrrrrrrrrr
Rake: *thwack*
Sideshow Bob: rrrrrrrrrrr
Rake: *thwack*
Sideshow Bob: rrrrrrrrrrr
Rake: *thwack*
Sideshow Bob: rrrrrrrrrrr
Rake: *thwack*
Sideshow Bob: rrrrrrrrrrr
Rake: *thwack*
Sideshow Bob: rrrrrrrrrrr

toastedpickles

Singers:

Some folk will never eat a skunk,
But then again, some folk'll
Like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel!

Cletus:
Hey, what's goin' on on this side?
Hey, Brandine! You might could wear these to yer job interview.

Brandine:
An' scuff up the topless dancin' runway?! Naw! Yeh best bring 'em back where from y'got 'em!

Cletus:
Uh-kay. Back you go to wait for a woman wid less discriminatin' taste.

Singers:
Most folk will never lose a toe,
But then again, some folk'll
Like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel!

Cletus:
Hey, y'know what? I could call my Maw while I'm up here. Hey, Maw! Git off the dang roof!!

take everything

James Woods practices his new job.

Woods: 75, 85, 90, and a dollar. Thank you, and come again. Hey, wait a minute! Hey! Uh...could I just ask you a question? Did you...did you _believe_ that, the way I gave you the change? Did I sound like a _real_ Kwik-E-Mart, you know, kind of guy?

Jimbo: Actually, I thought it was a little labored.

Woods: Oh.

Jimbo: You've got to lose yourself in the moment, man!

Woods: Yeah, like, yeah, OK, great! OK, let's, let's just try that again, OK? Come on. Hey, come on -- hey! Get over here.
OK, now you're you, I'm me.

Jimbo: [with trepidation] I'm me?

Woods: [grabs his collar] Hey -- don't..._jerk_ me around, fella.

qwerty93

Lisa: And guess who's been practicing medicine without a license?
(Dr. Hibbert gasps)
Lisa: That's right, Homer Simpson

Orim

qwerty93 wrote: »

Lisa: And guess who's been practicing medicine without a license?
(Dr. Hibbert gasps)
Lisa: That's right, Homer Simpson

Kids: Tune in tomorrow and every day because we'll be revealing more embarassing secrets about Springfield's adults.

Homer: Well at least they've already done me.

Kids: And we've got plenty more on Homer Simpson.

Killinator

There's a doin's a transpirin'