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Dental plan!

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    #3782
    the purple tin
    Registered Users Posts: 10,943 ✭✭✭✭the purple tin


    Grampa: Son, you don't know what this means to me. That monkey is going to change my life.

    Homer: That's great dad. Do you mind if I take him for a ride?

    Grampa: Go ahead. I'll just stand here. [Homer speeds off] Mmm, I can't wait to eat that monkey.


    Homer: Marge, can I get a duck?

    Marge: You already have a monkey!

    Homer: Can he get a duck?


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    #3783
    Dozen Wicked Words
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,325 ✭✭✭✭Dozen Wicked Words


    Homer: "Wait a minute! This could be some kind of scam ... or possibly scam-ola!"


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    #3784
    cherryghost
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 17,133 Mod ✭✭✭✭cherryghost


    Maybe it's the beer talking Marge but you got a butt that won't quit. They got those big chewy pretzels here merJanthfgrr...... five dollars??!!!? get outta here..

    https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS8uiefsXlcelMq4x5-YiyjkN_FiD9PhOoJpD-qBHb5YB4_OON3sg


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    #3785
    dan1895
    Registered Users Posts: 4,597 ✭✭✭dan1895


    take everything wrote: »
    James Woods practices his new job.

    Woods: 75, 85, 90, and a dollar. Thank you, and come again. Hey, wait a minute! Hey! Uh...could I just ask you a question? Did you...did you _believe_ that, the way I gave you the change? Did I sound like a _real_ Kwik-E-Mart, you know, kind of guy?

    Jimbo: Actually, I thought it was a little labored.

    Woods: Oh.

    Jimbo: You've got to lose yourself in the moment, man!

    Woods: Yeah, like, yeah, OK, great! OK, let's, let's just try that again, OK? Come on. Hey, come on -- hey! Get over here.
    OK, now you're you, I'm me.

    Jimbo: [with trepidation] I'm me?

    Woods: [grabs his collar] Hey -- don't..._jerk_ me around, fella.

    Frickin no good, motherf***ing *** ***** ****** cheese!
    No not you, I was talking to my oven.


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    #3786
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 25,611 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?


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    #3787
    Jordan 199
    Registered Users Posts: 11,944 ✭✭✭✭Jordan 199


    Cop: Are you Ed Flanders?

    Ned: No, Ned Flanders!

    Cop: My mistake.


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    #3788
    the purple tin
    Registered Users Posts: 10,943 ✭✭✭✭the purple tin


    Lisa: I'd like 25 copies on Goldenrod.

    Clerk: Right.

    Lisa: 25 on Canary.

    Clerk: Mmhmm.

    Lisa: 25 on Saffron.

    Clerk: All right.

    Lisa: And 25 on Paella.

    Clerk: Ok, 100 yellow.


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    #3789
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?

    I just checked the manual and it doesnt have anything about Siam or autogyro in there anywhere!


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    #3790
    wnolan1992
    Registered Users Posts: 14,009 ✭✭✭✭wnolan1992


    krudler wrote: »
    I just checked the manual and it doesnt have anything about Siam or autogyro in there anywhere!

    Well keep looking!


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    #3791
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 25,611 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    krudler wrote: »
    I just checked the manual and it doesnt have anything about Siam or autogyro in there anywhere!

    The manual must be out of date.


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    #3792
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    the purple tin wrote: »
    Lisa: I'd like 25 copies on Goldenrod.

    Clerk: Right.

    Lisa: 25 on Canary.

    Clerk: Mmhmm.

    Lisa: 25 on Saffron.

    Clerk: All right.

    Lisa: And 25 on Paella.

    Clerk: Ok, 100 yellow.

    Homer: [deadly serious] I've got two questions. One: Where's the fife? Two: Give me the fife.


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    #3793
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,395 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Oh look - John Hancock's writing his name in the snow!

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #3794
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homie. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.

    Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster.

    Marge: And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.

    [Looks out window]

    Bart: [creepily] Hello, mother dear.

    Marge: That's it, we have to get them back to school.

    Homer: I'm with you, Marge. Lisa, get in here.

    [Lisa walks in]

    Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!


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    #3795
    gregers85
    Registered Users Posts: 1,357 ✭✭✭gregers85




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    #3796
    homemadecider
    Registered Users Posts: 1,858 ✭✭✭homemadecider


    In rod we trust


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    #3797
    homemadecider
    Registered Users Posts: 1,858 ✭✭✭homemadecider


    Stupid babies need the most attention.


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    #3798
    the purple tin
    Registered Users Posts: 10,943 ✭✭✭✭the purple tin


    [Townspeople want to let the cat burgular go]

    Chief Wiggum: [sarcastic] Well gee everybody, I hate to break up your little love-in, but this man broke the law and in this town when you break the law you have to go to jail.

    Quimby: Oh that reminds me, here is your er-em-eh monthly kick-back [hands Wiggum a bag of cash]

    Chief Wiggum: You know you just - you just couldn't have picked a worse time!


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    #3799
    Steve O
    Closed Accounts Posts: 595 ✭✭✭Steve O


    Yes, for a minimal franchise fee, you'll receive a pair of straightening gloves, a canister of wall lubricant, and a booklet of the most commonly asked questions you will hear, including: "Who are you?" and "What are you doing here?"


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    #3800
    hardybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 5,172 ✭✭✭hardybuck


    homemadecider wrote: »
    In rod we trust

    News reporter    : Don't you think there is an inherent danger in sending unqualified, under trained civilians into space?

    Homer    : The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute... statue of liberty... that was our planet. You maniacs, you blew it up. Damn you! Damn you all to hell!


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    #3801
    gregers85
    Registered Users Posts: 1,357 ✭✭✭gregers85




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    #3802
    qwerty93
    Closed Accounts Posts: 221 ✭✭qwerty93


    Guy: If you kids can't keep your hands to yourself, I'm gonna turn this car around, and there'll be no Cape Canaveral for anybody. (Nelson smacks the back of his head). THATS IT! BACK TO WINNIPEG!


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    #3803
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Homer : If we want to see Japanese people, we can just go to the zoo.

    Marge : [mortified] Homer!

    Homer: What? The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese... his name is Takashi... he's in my book club.


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    #3804
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Marge: Every truckload of fish we gut brings us 31 cents closer to those tickets home.

    Bart: And I think I've finally found what I was put on this earth to do

    [guts some fishes]

    Bart: knife goes in, guts come out, knife goes in, guts come out

    [pulls out a talking fish]

    Fish: Spare my life and I will grant you three...

    Bart: [guts the talking fish] Knife goes in, guts come out


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    #3805
    gregers85
    Registered Users Posts: 1,357 ✭✭✭gregers85




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    #3806
    AnonoBoy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    You don't win friends with salad.


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    #3807
    Voodoomelon
    Registered Users Posts: 9,660 ✭✭✭Voodoomelon


    Well Skinner, you're an odd fellow, but I must say you steam a good ham.


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    #3808
    WilcoOut
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,778 ✭✭✭WilcoOut


    Wiggum: Iv got pictures of you quimby!

    Quimby: You dont scare me, that could be anyones ass!


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    #3809
    KeithM89
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,557 ✭✭✭KeithM89


    The episode where they go to Australia is pure gold.

    "Nine hundred dollarydoos!?
    TOBIAS!!!!"

    'I'm gonna' take this all the way to the Prime Minister. Hey! Mr. Prime Minister!!...ANDAAAYYY!!' 'Alright chaps, what's the good word!'

    "That throwing stick of yours has boomerang'd on us!"


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    #3810
    Rega
    Registered Users Posts: 759 ✭✭✭Rega


    Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders.


    NOT ME!


    Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders.


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    #3811
    dan1895
    Registered Users Posts: 4,597 ✭✭✭dan1895


    Bullfrogs? I woulda called them chuzzwuzzas!


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