Dental plan!

Steve O

Homer: Don't you know the story of Hercules and the lion?
Bart: Is it a Bible story
Homer: Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the village people tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough! So they got Hercules, and Hercules used his mighty strength, and...bingo! Anyway, the moral is, the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big...thing...of riches.
Bart: How did a lion get rich?
Homer: It was the olden days!

orestes

It's just a little airborne, it's still good, it's still good!

homemadecider

Is it Saint Swivvins Day already?

Tis, replied Aunt Hellllllllllllllllllga

(I'm going, I'm going!)

Killinator

Homer: "Hey, it floats! That was my plan all along!"
Bart: "What about the people at the bottom?"
Homer: "They're the bravest of all!.....Ah! Something clawing at my leg.........it's stopped now"

Moe: "They got my busses pass, OH GOD THEY GOT MY BUSS PASS!"

Apu: "Ugh, they're poking every nook and cranny, well the crannies anyway, so far the nook remains OOOOOOOHHNOOOOO!"

wnolan1992

"I'm Elvis... Er.... Elvis Jagger... Elvis Jagger Abdul Jabar." :pac:

Riddle101

Homer Simpson: Good morning Mr Burns, beautiful day.
Mr Burns: Rant on, Simpson, but your vainglorious boasting will only add savor to my inevitable triumph.
*Homer Pauses*
Homer: Yes

Smithers: Stay back! they're reptile eggs, endangered.
*Homer puts a golf ball in his mouth*
Homer: Hey waitaminute, these aren't reptile eggs at all. You cheated?
Mr Burns: What, Smithers I can't believe you'd do that. Why i'm one of the finest golfers in the world. In all the years you caddied for me, I've never lost a......... Oh.

the purple tin

Homer: Please don't send me to jail. They pee in a cup and throw it on you, I saw it in a prison movie on TV.

Tax Man: You won't be seeing any prison movies where you're going.......PRISON!

For Forks Sake

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LnVIo3Bwzs

derfderf

Yo, um, i must've like, fell on a bullet, and it like, drove itself into my gut.

the purple tin

derfderf wrote: »

Yo, um, i must've like, fell on a bullet, and it like, drove itself into my gut.

[receptionist puts tick beside 'liquor store robbery' on cause of accident form]
Dr Nick: Hey! Don't worry, you don't need to make up stories here, save that for court.

Kold

"Smithers I'm home!"
"Already?"
"nYes"

Heisenberg1

Homer's arms are stuck in pair of vending machines]

Repairman 1#: Homer, there's no easy way to tell you this: I'm afraid I'm gonna have to saw your arms off.

Homer: They'll grow back, right?

Repairman 1#: Oh... yeah.

[He cranks up the rotary saw and moves it toward Homer's arm... ]

Repairman 2#: Wait a minute. Homer, are you just holding on to the can?

Homer: Your point being...?

Heisenberg1

Marge: We can't trick these guys. They are highly trained professionals!
(Ruth turns off the car lights.)
Chief Wiggum: Oh my god, it just disappeared! (Gasp) It's a ghost car! (Slams on brakes) There are ghost cars all over these highways you know.
Homer: Hold me!
Chief Wiggum: Only if you hold me!

Heisenberg1

Kent Brockman: Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. (It is labeled "Dracula.") Police are baffled.
Chief Wiggum: We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield museum destroyed.

Heisenberg1

Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a...car of some sort, heading in the direction of...you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

DazMarz

Heisenberg1 wrote: »

Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a...car of some sort, heading in the direction of...you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

I can't wait til they throw his hatless butt in jail!

Conall Cernach

Heisenberg1 wrote: »

Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a...car of some sort, heading in the direction of...you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

What I really like about that hatless line is that in the Alfred Hitchcock movie Saboteur from the 40s there is a wireless broadcast about a suspected saboteur that the cops are looking for who is described as being hatless.

the purple tin

[Lisa takes an injured bart to Dr Nicks shady clinic]
Lisa: Mr Smithers, would you mind if we went ahead of you? It's an emergency.

Smithers: [standing in a most suspicious way] Errr, no. I'd really rather get this taken care of.

Heisenberg1

Homer: Hello, Police? Are you sitting down? Good! I wish to report a robbery.
Chief Wiggum: (bored) A robbery, right. Thanks for the report. (hangs up) That's another one, Lou 723 Evergreen Terrace. (Looks at a map with the robbery locations marked on it) Well, there doesn't seem to be any pattern yet, but if I take this one and move it hereand I move these over here hello! It almost looks like an arrow!
Lou: Hey, look, Chief: it's pointing right at this police station.
Chief Wiggum: Let's get out of here!

Heisenberg1

Chief Wiggum: I'd like to help you ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters.
Marge: (indignantly) I'm pretty sure there is.
Chief Wiggum: Hah! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle --
Lou: Hey, she's right, Chief. (shows him "Springfield Law".)
Chief Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's ALSO illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.
(Shot of Eddie the cop with squirrels running around in his pants, and a bunch of cops watching and laughing) Boys, knock it off!

Heisenberg1

Eddie: That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
Chief Wiggum: Forget it. That's two blocks away.
Eddie: Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney!
Chief Wiggum: (Gets out of car) I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
Eddie: (Into radio) We need pretzels. Repeat, pretzels.

DazMarz

Dr. Nick: "HI, EVERYBODY!"

Mr. Burns: "HO-M-ER SIMP-SON!"

======


Marge: "Homer, do you remember your promise to the children?"

Homer: "I sure do! When you're 18, you're out the door!"

======


Krusty: (covered in grey nicotine patches) "Hey, Mel. Gimme another nicotine patch, I think there's some space on my butt.

======


Krusty: It's the "Stingy and Battery Show"! They fight, and bite, and lite and dite and lite... ah da la la la oooooooh... you know what I'm talkin' about!

Heisenberg1

Guy N. Cognito: Greetings good men, might I trouble you for a drink?
Moe: Oh get out of here, Homer!

Guy N. Cognito: Homer? Who is Homer? My name is Guy N. Cognito.
[Homer walks past Moe's, despondent. From inside comes the sound of Guy N. Cognito getting beaten up by Moe, and he's thrown unconscious out of the bar and onto the street]

Homer: Oh, my God, this man is my exact double!
[a small, fluffy-tailed dog walks by]
Homer: That dog has a fluffy tail!

Homer leaves Guy and starts pursuing the dog]
Homer: Come here, fluff!

He took Bart too?! That wasn't part of our deal, Blackheart. That wasn't part!

tooler08

Homer: Look, kids! I just got my party invitations back from the printers!
Lisa (reading): “Come to Homer’s B.B.B.Q. The extra B is for B.Y.O.B.B.”
Bart: What’s that extra B for?
Homer: That’s a typo.

Kerplunk124

mr simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further

SkyBlooo

Come back here! I'm not through demeaning you.

Heisenberg1

Jimbo: Hey, you're that drunken posse. Wow! Can I join ya?

Homer : I don't know, can you swing a sack of doorknobs?

Jimbo: Can I!

Homer : You're in. Here's the sack!

Moe: But you gotta supply your own knobs!

Heisenberg1

Homer: [Pushes in front of a queue] I wanna register to run for sanitation commissioner. And tell the fat cats upstairs things are gonna change in this town.

Clerk: Okay, but this is where you register as a sex offender.

Moe: [Arriving at the back of the queue] Oh, jeez, there's always a line.

Rega

Homer: Moe I need your advice. See I got this friend. His name is Joey Joe Joe ..... Junior Shabadoo.

Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard.

Man runs out of the bar crying.

Barney:HEY, JOEY JOE JOE!