Dental plan!

Heisenberg1

Blue-Haired Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say die Bart die?

Sideshow Bob: No, that's German

[unveils tattoo]

Sideshow Bob: for 'The Bart The'.

Woman on Parole Board: No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

Heisenberg1

Homer: I sure could go for a hot dog right about now...

Marge: Homer, we're at a funeral.

Hot Dog Vendor: Hot dogs. Get your hot dogs here.

Homer: Woohoo!

Marge: Do you follow my husband around?

Hot Dog Vendor: Lady, he's putting my kids through college.

Heisenberg1

Number One: This ritual is called Crossing the Desert. [leads Homer in front of a line of members with paddles]

Homer: [being spanked as he walks by] Ow ow ow ow ow ow!

Number One: And this is we call the Unblinking Eye. [leads Homer again]

Homer: [being spanked again] Ow ow ow ow ow ow! [on the other side of the line] Hey, have ya ever noticed that the Crossing the Desert is a lot like the Unblinking Eye? It's exactly like The Wreck of the Hesperus.

Number One: And now the final ordeal: The Paddling of the Swollen Ass... with paddles. [leads Homer a third time]

harry Bailey esq

hey funboys,get a room...

krudler

Two wrongs don't make a right.
Sure they do!
No they don't!
Yes they do!
Don't!
Daaad!
Two wrongs make a right Lisa..

Nerdkiller1991

the purple tin

[Hank Scorpio introduces Homer to his new assistants]

Scorpio: Homer, from now on these men will be your eyes and ears. And should the need arise they'll fill in for any other part of your body too.

wnolan1992

COME ON OUT BOY! IT'S WINDY!

Steve O

Dad! You killed the Zombie flanders!

He was a zombie?

Interviewer #2: Drederick, ah, what do you think of Homer Simpson?

Drederick Tatum: I think he's a good man. I like him. I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children.

Interviewer #3: Uh, you know, they do have a mother, Champ?

Drederick Tatum: Yes, but I would imagine that she would die of grief.

the purple tin

Jebediah Obadiah Zachariah Jedediah Springfield came west in 1838. Along the way he met a ferocious bear and killed it with his bare hands. That's B-A-R-E hands. Although modern historians recently uncovered evidence that the bear in fact probably killed him.

Heisenberg1

During "The Meat Council Presents: Meat and You: Partners in Freedom", Number 3F03 in the "Resistance is Useless" series.]'

Jimmy: Mr. McClure, I have a crazy friend who says it's wrong to eat meat. Is he crazy?

Troy McClure: [laughing] No, Jimmy, just ignorant. You see, your crazy friend never heard of the food chain. Just ask this scientitian.

Scientist: Uhhh...

Troy McClure: He'll tell you that in nature one creature invariably eats another to survive. Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!

Jimmy: Wow, Mr. McClure, I was a Grade A Moron to ever question eating meat.

Troy McClure: Ha Ha Ha Ha... Yes you were, Jimmy. Yes you were. [playfully rubs Jimmy's head]

Jimmy: You're hurting me...

Heisenberg1

Bart: Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck.

Marge: Bart, where do you pick up words like that?

Homer: [on phone] Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

Marge: Homer, watch your mouth!

Homer: Aw, I gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening. [hangs up]

Heisenberg1

[Homer walks up to the counter in a convenience store.]

Homer: Yeah, um, give me one of those porno magazines, a large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a box of panty shields... [rapid undertone] and some illegal fireworks... [normal voice] and one of those disposable enemas. You know what, make it two.

Owner: My apologies sir, but the sale of fireworks is strictly prohibited in this state and is punishable by- [the only other customer in the store walks out the door] follow me.

Chancer3001

You can dance, you can dance - Everybody look at your pants. (Homer is dancing as he sings, looking at his pants)

Cuts to Marge who's talking.

Cuts back to Homer, still looking at his pants, little smile on his face!

gregers85

the purple tin

Troy McClure: Have you ever wondered why fat parents have fat children? Or why Chinese parents have Chinese children? It's no coincidence.

Steve O

Oh waylon, make love to me like you used to.

No!

It's that horrible Mr.Burns isn't it?

You leave Mr.Burns out of this!!!!! smashes the bottles on the cabinet with his crutch

Mr.Burns: Smithers!!!!!

SMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRSS!!!!!!!

HalloweenJack

Heisenberg1 wrote: »

[Homer walks up to the counter in a convenience store.]

Homer: Yeah, um, give me one of those porno magazines, a large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a box of panty shields... [rapid undertone] and some illegal fireworks... [normal voice] and one of those disposable enemas. You know what, make it two.

Owner: My apologies sir, but the sale of fireworks is strictly prohibited in this state and is punishable by- [the only other customer in the store walks out the door] follow me.

Marge, unpacking the stuff: I don't now what you've got planned for tonight but count me out!

Notice in the Kwik-E Mart:

DO NOT ACCEPT CHECKS FROM:
CHIEF WIGGUM
REVEREND LOVEJOY
HOMER J. SIMPSON
HOMER S. SIMPSON
H.J. SIMPSON
HOMOR SIMPSON
HOMER J. FONG

Chancer3001

whats that waylon smithers flashback from? Im guessing some old movie?


YOU HEARD THE MONKEY, MAKE THE DEAL.

HalloweenJack

HalloweenJack wrote: »

Marge, unpacking the stuff: I don't now what you've got planned for tonight but count me out!

Yet she was staring off into the distance with a smile on her face while washing the dishes the next day...

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Eye on Springfield!

Kent: And we visit with heavyweight champion Drederick Tatum, who reminisces about growing up in Springfield.

(Cuts to interview highlight)

Tatum: Springfield?! Man, that town is a dump. If you ever see me back there, you'll know I really ****ed up bad!

DazMarz

Chancer3001 wrote: »

whats that waylon smithers flashback from? Im guessing some old movie?

A combination of scenes from the Tennessee Williams plays/films Cat On A Hot Tin Roof and A Streetcar Named Desire.

the purple tin

Milhouse: Still not finished Lisa?

Lisa: Maybe I couldn't concentrate with all your cooties.

Milhouse: [snootily] It's called lice, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

wnolan1992

One of the darker lines from the series that I can recall:

Homer: I'm in an abusive relationship with life. It keeps beating me up, and I'm too much of a coward to leave it.

Steve O

wnolan1992 wrote: »

One of the darker lines from the series that I can recall:

Homer: I'm in an abusive relationship with life. It keeps beating me up, and I'm too much of a coward to leave it.

Great line.

RainyDay

SeaCaptain:“Lard, ho! Tis a good sign, Homer’s unfastened the top button on his pants.”
Akira :“Uh, no, he’s been walking around like that since Thanksgiving.”
SeaCaptain:“I’m surprised he just doesn’t give it up and go for sweatpants.”
Akira :“He says the crotch wears out too fast.”
SeaCaptain:“Yargh, that’s gonna replace the whale in my nightmares.”

DazMarz

Sea Captain: 'Tis no man! 'Tis a remorseless eating machine!

Kirk: You're letting me go?

Cracker Factory Executive: Kirk, crackers are a family food, happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.

Kirk: So, that's it after 20 years? "So long. Good luck?"

Cracker Factory Executive: I don't recall saying "good luck."