Dental plan!

Heisenberg1

Chief Wiggum: All right, come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says "Capricorn", and something with coconut on it.

Heisenberg1

Hutz: Now Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that is your real name.
Have you ever forgotten anything?
Apu: No. In fact I can recite pi to 40,000 places.
And the last digit is 1.
Homer: Mmm... pie.
Hutz: Well if you never forget anything. Tell me this. What color tie am I wearing? [turns around]
Apu: You are wearing a red and white club tie in a half-windsor knot.
Hutz: Oh, I am, am I? Is that what you think? Well if that's what you think, I have something to tell you [ugh]. Something which may shock and discredit you [ugh]. And that thing is as follows [as he finally undoes the whole tie]. I'm not wearing a tie at all. [jury gasps]
Apu: If I am wrong about that. Maybe I am wrong about Mrs. Simpson.
Hutz: No further questions. [Hutz raises his arm and the tie is sticking out of his sleeve]

Welsh Megaman

You can dance!

You can dance!

Everybody look at your pants!

Kerplunk124

Thank goodness I still live in a world of telephones, car batteries, handguns, and many other things made of zinc!

Magnetics

Children! Whoever takes down that balloon doesn't have to learn fractions

Jonny Blaze

Can I play the piano anymore?

Dozen Wicked Words

Jonny Blaze wrote: »

Can I play the piano anymore?

Of course you can.

toastedpickles

Take him away boys!

Hey, I'm the chief here, Bake him away toys

What'd you say chief?

Do what the kid says

Jonny Blaze

Jonny Blaze wrote: »

Can I play the piano anymore?

Dozen Wicked Words wrote: »

Of course you can.

Well I couldn't before!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

We should lock you away
Where you can't hurt or mame us
But this is LA
And you're rich and FAAAAAAY-MOUS!

paddylonglegs

Jonny Blaze wrote: »

Well I couldn't before!

He can talk, he can talk, he can talk, he can talk.........

Wise Old Elf

paddylonglegs wrote: »

He can talk, he can talk, he can talk, he can talk.........

I can SIIIIIIIIING!

Kilkenny14

Disco Stuart wrote: »

I can SIIIIIIIIING!

"Ooh I love legitimate theatre"!

Welsh Megaman

Homer (to the tune of Gary Numan's 'Cars'):

Here in my car,
I am washing off blood,
Most of it's mine,
But some of it's not,
Here's Marge!

So I says "Kiss my asphalt!"

C14N

*After crashing into Marge's parked car*

Insurance Man: Now this place you were at, Moe's. Is this a business of some sort?
Homer (brain): Whatever you do, don't tell him you were at a bar. Oh, but what else is open at night?
Homer: It was a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

Chancer3001

I quoted that to my mother when I was 7. Didn't even know what pornography was. Just liked the way homer said it!!



*Homer smashes guy with chair*

Guy : why'd you do that? I was submitting.

Homer : I saw my opportunity and I took it. That's what heroes do.

C14N

Chancer3001 wrote: »

I quoted that to my mother when I was 7. Didn't even know what pornography was. Just liked the way homer said it!!

Yeah I went and asked my dad what "pornography" was, I was so young that I thought it was just something you study like geography. What was funny was my dad even said "You heard that on the Simpsons didn't you?".

Sunglasses Ron

"How could you spend 4.6 million dollars in a month?”

“They let me sign checks with a stamp, Marge! A stamp!”


I swear Homer must have had a position in a Bertie Ahern cabinet at some stage :pac:

C14N

Sunglasses Ron wrote: »

"How could you spend 4.6 million dollars in a month?”

“They let me sign checks with a stamp, Marge! A stamp!”


I swear Homer must have had a position in a Bertie Ahern cabinet at some stage :pac:

He was the "Prime Minister" of Ireland once.

Heisenberg1

Louie: Troy McClure!? You said he was dead!

Fat Tony: No, what I said is that he sleeps with the fishes! You see...

Louie: Uh, Tony, please, no. I just ate a whole plate of dingamagoo.

TheKeenMachine

Mr. Burns: No, Smithers, I've decided to bring in a few ringers. Professional baseballers. We'll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team. Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai "3-Finger" Brown...

Smithers: Sir?

Mr. Burns:What is it, Smithers?

Smithers: I'm afraid all those players have retired and... passed on. In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years.

Mr. Burns: Damnation! Alright, find me some good players. LIVING players! Scour the professional ranks. The American League, the National League, the Negro League!

Heisenberg1

Horst: We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which I will read in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer. (Pause) That is all.

Burlap_Sack

Mulder: Mr. Simpson, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw the alien.
Homer: The evening began at the gentlemen's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Happy?

Bungarra

Marge: Then why is he attacking all those other elephants?

Warden: Well, animals are a lot like people, Mrs. Simpson. Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life, or have been mistreated. But, like people, some of them are just jerks.

*Pans out to Homer headbutting the warden in the midriff*

Warden: Stop that, Mr. Simpson.

pajor

Purple is a fruit.

paddylonglegs

Rowdy roddy PEEPER

Kerplunk124

I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode....I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

paddylonglegs

Outta my way, jerk ass!

budgie412

So I says blue m&m, red m&m, they all wind up the same colour in the end