Dental plan!

haro124

Marge: Homer, that crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again.

Homer : That's not the way she tells it.

DazMarz

Crowd: AYE!

Mayor Quimby: And all those opposed to horse-whipping Homer Simpson?

*SILENCE*

Homer: (quietly/pathetically) nay???

Noccy_Mondy

TV Announcer: It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?

Homer: I told you last night, no!

Wotsername

That's Senor Ding Dong!

DoozerT6

"...we just heard this place existeeeeedddd..."

haro124

Krusty :Our next bachelor likes women who take their clothes off for money! Let's hear it for Moe!
http://m.imgur.com/r/TheSimpsons/v2UbH3O

Heisenberg1

Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin", and "Get Confident, Stupid.".

Smithers: Someone is charging room service to the company, sir!
Mr. Burns: Well, we'll just see about that! (he pulls the cover off a cage of winged monkeys) Fly, my pretties! Fly! (The monkeys leap from the cage and out the window, abruptly plummeting to their deaths. Burns angrily grumbles and turns to Smithers) Continue the research.

Agent Wesson, Department of Labor. This man is an illegal alien!

Burns: That's preposterous. Zutroy here is as American as apple pie.

Zutroy: Tocnikrabda, mistah Boons.

Female agent: This plant violates every labor law in the book. We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!

Burns: That plane crashed on _my_ property.

Wesson: Look, Mr. Burns: we want to see some changes. For starters, you can reverse your sexist employment policies, and hire at least one woman.

Burns: All right...I'll bring in a woman. But I still stand by my hiring policies. (A quacking duck in a hardhat pulls a wagon in) Get back to work, Stuart!

Heisenberg1

Bart: But I saw the murder and then I saw you bury the corpse in the back yard!
Ned: (crying) All right, it's true. I am a murderer! (everyone gasps) I over watered Maude's favorite ficus plant, I panicked, then I buried the remains. I was hoping to replace it before you got home.
Bart: But I heard a woman scream.
Ned: Oh? Well, now that I can't explain.
Lou: (holds up the plant) Found it, Chief.
Ned: (screams like a woman)
Bart: Oh. Well, I guess that explains everything.
Homer: Not everything. There's still the little matter of the whereabouts of your wife.
Maude: Um, I'm right here.
Homer: (sarcastically) Oh, I see. Then everything is wrapped up in a neat little package. (everyone looks at him) Really, I mean that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic.

Heisenberg1

Homer: Marge, if you don't mind, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.
Marge: With cans of grease?
Homer: (sarcastically) No! Through savings and wise investment. Of course with grease!

Homer: Oh, I can't believe those goons muscled me out of my grease business. I've been muscled out of everything I've ever done. Including my muscle-for-hire business.
Marge: My poor Homie. Couldn't you try some other far-out money-making scheme?
Homer: Aww, what's the point?
Marge: You could raise some emus.
Homer: Emus? Really? Ooh, that's pretty crazy. Nah, I'd only fail, just like I fail at everything.
Bart: Hey, Dad, I've been thinking. What if instead of givin' up on grease, we go for one last big score?
Homer: Wait a minute. The boy's right! I can't quit now! (hugs Bart) Aww, you always know just what to say to cheer me up. (to Marge) Emu farm? (laughs) You're priceless, Marge!

toastedpickles

I didna do it!

Sure ya didna

Cantstandsya

Oh my God, I was wrong, it was Earth, all a-long

pajor

Boudoir - where a French guy does it.

dr.fuzzenstein

http://i.imgur.com/iBtko.jpg

Machiavellian
I don't know.

Amalgam

Smithers: (feeding Monty Burns) Here comes the endangered condor into the power lines...

Chancer3001

Can you believe the referee gave giggs a yellow card in the box.

OntheStrings

Superintendent Chalmers: The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localised entirely within your kitchen?

Skinner: Yes.

Superintendent Chalmers: May I see it?...

...

Skinner: No.

dr.fuzzenstein

I only refer to him as supernintendo. :-)

haro124

[Speaking about the skeleton she found]
Lisa: It could be a mutant from the power plant.
Mr. Burns: That's preposterous, everyone knows our mutants have flippers - oops, I've said too much. Smithers, get the amnesia ray.
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr. Burns: Yes, and be sure to wipe your mind clear when you're done as well.

suicide_circus

Mr. Burns, Smithers and Homer are in possession of a $1trillion note fleeing the US government in a private plane. They’re flying over the Caribbean looking for an island on which to land.

Mr. Burns: “Ooh... There's a big one, and it has freedom written all over it!”

Smithers: “Sir, that's Cuba.”

Mr. Burns: “Cuba, eh? Take her down, Smithers!”

Smithers: “Uh... You're flying the plane, sir.”

Mr Burns: “Excellent.”

Noccy_Mondy

Mr. Burns: (arriving at the gas station in a Ford Quadricycle.) You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, and re-vulcanize my tires, post-haste!

Riddle101

From the two episode today. The one where Homer joins the Navy and the Trillion Dollar bill.

Russian Representative: The Soviet Union will be pleased to offer amnesty to your wayward vessel.
United States Representative: Soviet Union? I thought you guys broke up.
Russian Representative: Nyet! That's what we wanted you to think, hahahahahaha!

Homer: Get back here, boy. You're a disgrace to this family and its proud naval tradition.

Kent Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.
Grampa Simpson: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is *not* a porn star!

Daybreak, Jakarta. The proud men and women of the Navy are protecting America's interests overseas, but you're in Lubbock, Texas hosing down a statue, because your in the Naval Reserve. Once you complete basic training, you only work one weekend a month, and most of that time your drunk of your ass. The Naval Reserve: America's 17th line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard, and the American League of Women Voters.

Bart: Milhouse, my mom wears earrings. Do you think she's cool?
Milhouse: No, I think she's HOT! Sorry, it just slipped out

Mr. Burns: Oh, you'll find this amusing: the suit Charlie Chaplin was buried in.

Homer: (Wearing an FBI listening device.) Hey, see you're watching the ball game. Looks like a good one. Any of you involved in any illegal activity? Cause I could sure go for some. How bout you, Lenny? Testing, testing. Lenny?
Lenny: You saying you want to commit a crime, Homer?
Homer: Maybe. But first I need to hear about some other crimes to get me fired up.
Carl: You mean like the time you was running moonshine out of your basement?
Barney: Or that telemarketing scam you pulled?
Homer: Uh . . . like those, but involving you.
Moe: Oh, you mean like the time Barney beat up George Bush?
Homer: Barney!? That was me! And I'd do it again.
Charlie: Why stop there, Homer? My militia has a secret plan to beat up all sorts of government officials. That'll teach them to drag their feet on high definition TV!
FBI Agent: You're under arrest for conspiracy!
Moe: How'd they finger Charlie? Somebody must have ratted him out.
Homer: Oh, that's ridiculous, Moe. End transmission.

Homer: Does this make me look fat?
Lisa: No, it makes you look like a tool of government oppression.
Homer: But not fat?

Lisa: The government has no right to use you this way.
Homer: Quiet, honey, you don't know how big this government is. (whispering) It goes all the way to the President.

Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I guess I'm guilty as charged. And, if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I guess I'm guilty of that, too. And, if it's a crime to bribe a jury, God help me, I'll soon be guilty of that as well!

Agent Johnson: We believe Burns still has the bill hidden somewhere in his house, but all we've ascertained from satellite photos is that it's not on the roof.

FarmerBrowne

Today marks the end of Daddy-Daughter day!!

efb

Joe Namath: You know, we had a lot of fun tonight. But, there' snothing funny about... vapour lock. Its the third most common cause of stalling. So please, take care of your car and get it checked. I'm Joe Namath. Good night!

Kilkenny14

Kent Brockman: Big game fever is reaching a fever pitch as the fevered rivalry between Springfield U. and Springfield A & M spreads like wild-fever. This is writing?

Intern: I'm sorry Uncle Kent; I lost my thesaurus.

Brockman: "My thesaurus" ... you'll lose more than ... In preparation for the big game, Springfield Stadium has caught additional seating capacity fever.

I love the Cuba episode.

Castro (talking about America): Ah, they're not so bad. They even named a street after me in San Francisco.
[Aide whispers in his ear]
Castro: It's full of WHAT?!!!

Omackeral

Chief Wiggum: Word around here is your game is crooked.
Homer: And how!
Chief Wiggum: Well, perhaps we can come to an "understanding". [holds out his hand]
Homer: I understand.
Bart: Uh, Dad?
Homer: Not now, son. Daddy's talking to the policeman.
Chief Wiggum: Let me put it to you this way. I'm looking for my friend, Bill. Have you seen any Bills around here?
Homer: No. He's Bart.
Chief Wiggum: Okay, let's try this again and watch as I wink each time. The man I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr Bribe. Wink, wink.
Homer: [pause] ...It's a ring toss game.
Chief Wiggum: All right, That's it, I'm shutting this place down.

FarmerBrowne

Um.. I shoot birds at the airport.

homemadecider

YOU'RE tomorrow night's dinner!

dr.fuzzenstein

FarmerBrowne wrote: »

Um.. I shoot birds at the airport.

I play a millionaire at parties, 'least I'd like to.

paddylonglegs

A box damn you, a booooooooox!