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Dental plan!

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    #4892
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    RobbingBandit wrote: »
    Mr Burns: Hans and Fritz, why that's just John and Frank.

    Smithers: You looking sharpen today in mein herr.


    Horst: Good morning. I am Horst. My superiors have selected me to speak to you because they believe I am the friendliest looking. Perhaps I remind you of the lovable Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes.

    Plant employees mutter amongst themselves in agreement

    Horst: First, we need to deal with substance abuse. Are there any alcoholics here?
    Man #1: Me.
    Man #2: Me too. In fact, I am drunk at this moment.
    Horst: Very well. You will be on convalescent leave for six weeks at an detoxification center in Hawaii, and will then return with back pay.
    Homer: (talking to himself:} D'oh! Lucky drunks!
    Radioactive waste drips into a bucket
    Horst: We would like to have a talk with your safety inspector.
    Homer: Sock it to him, Horst!
    Homer lacks the situational awareness to see he wears a nameplate that says "Homer Simpson, Safety Inspector"
    Carl: Hey Homer, are you not the safety inspector?
    Homer: D'oh!


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    #4893
    FarmerBrowne
    Registered Users Posts: 484 ✭✭FarmerBrowne


    I live to give


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    #4894
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    I'll get you for this Midler!


  • Options
    #4895
    ivytwine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    Valentine's Day is coming up!



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    #4896
    elfy4eva
    Registered Users Posts: 1,204 ✭✭✭elfy4eva


    http://tinyurl.com/omznutq

    Bart: Oh go eat some flowers.

    Homer: *Gasp* my secret shame.


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    #4897
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    ivytwine wrote: »
    Valentine's Day is coming up!


    Da Nang 1969...........

    Principal Skinner: [after having a traumatic flashback of Valentine's Day in Vietnam] Johnny. Johnny! JOHNNYYYYYYYYYYYY!


  • Options
    #4898
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Ralph: Mr Simpson, the tar fumes are making me dizzy." -

    "Yeah, they'll do that.."


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    #4899
    ivytwine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    Heisenberg1 wrote: »
    Da Nang 1969...........

    Principal Skinner: [after having a traumatic flashback of Valentine's Day in Vietnam] Johnny. Johnny! JOHNNYYYYYYYYYYYY!

    Cool. I broke his brain.


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    #4900
    Duffy the Vampire Slayer
    Registered Users Posts: 5,382 ✭✭✭Duffy the Vampire Slayer


    Skinner: Now it's never easy to come to a new school, so let’s make her feel right at home. Please say a big elementary school hello to Samantha Stinky!
    [kids laugh]
    Samantha: Stanky.
    Skinner: Oh, right....how embarrassing for you.


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    #4901
    Orim
    Registered Users Posts: 4,971 ✭✭✭Orim


    Heisenberg1 wrote: »
    Lisa: Mom!
    Homer: Huh -- wha -- Lisa! What's up?
    Lisa: I just had a bad dream!
    Homer: Oh, sure. You just lie down and tell me all about it.
    Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the bogeyman was after me, and he's hiding under --
    Homer: AAAHHHHH! BOOGIE MAN! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!
    [Homer runs into Bart's room]
    Homer: Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a bogeyman or bogeymen in the house!
    Bart: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    Marge: What happened here?
    Homer: Oh nothing Marge... Just a little incident involving the BOOGEYMAN!


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    #4902
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Bart: "Well, Dad, here's my report card. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."
    Homer: "'A+'!? You don't think much of me, do you, boy?"
    Bart: "No, sir."
    Homer: "You know a 'D' turns into a 'B' so easily. You just got greedy."
    Bart: "So I won't get to go to camp?"
    Homer: "Now, Bart, we made this deal because I thought it would help you get good grades. And you didn't. But why should you pay for my mistake?"
    Bart: "You mean I can go?"
    Homer: "Yeah. I didn't want you hangin' around all summer anyway."
    Bart: "Oh, Dad! You're the best father a boy could ever have."
    Homer: "Thanks, son. Now, you've got little hands ... could you reach under the mower and pull out that skate?"


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    #4903
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Bart: "Hey, hands off my pickle!"
    Homer: "I don't see your name on it, boy!"
    Bart: "No, but--" [licks the pickle]
    Homer: "Oh, yeah? [dunks the pickle in his milk] Checkmate!"
    Bart: "Always thinking two moves ahead."


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    #4904
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    Marge: 'How do I know I can trust you?' Homer: 'Marge, look at me: we've been separated for a day, and I'm as dirty as a Frenchman. In another few hours I'll be dead! I can't afford to lose your trust again.'

    Check out this page:
    http://www.theguardian.com/theobserver/2003/apr/20/features.review7


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    #4905
    paddylonglegs
    Registered Users Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭paddylonglegs


    Weeee
    Weeee
    Weeeeeeeeeeee


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    #4906
    Agent Smith
    Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 21,503 Mod ✭✭✭✭Agent Smith


    I don't think we're talking about love here. We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!

    Sex Cauldron? I thought they shut that place down!


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    #4907
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Orim wrote: »
    Marge: What happened here?
    Homer: Oh nothing Marge... Just a little incident involving the BOOGEYMAN!

    It's the shotgun going off that makes that moment. The casino episode is fantastic.

    "Are you from the casino?"
    "I'm from A casino.."
    "good enough!"


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    #4908
    FarmerBrowne
    Registered Users Posts: 484 ✭✭FarmerBrowne


    Nelson: Your manager says for you to shut up!
    Goulet: Vera said that?


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    #4909
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    Homer: Now, here's my "Everything's Ok Alarm." (picks up a device that looks like a smoke detector and presses a button. It starts beeping loudly.)
    Homer: [yelling] IT WILL SOUND EVERY 3 SECONDS, UNLESS SOMETHING ISN'T OKAY!
    Marge: Turn it off, Homer!
    Homer: IT CAN'T BE TURNED OFF! (The beeping starts weakening, then stops completely.) But, it, er, does break easily.


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    #4910
    reap-a-rat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,005 ✭✭✭reap-a-rat


    There is one more way to kill a man but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chess.
    *Opens fire with machine gun in the nursing home*


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    #4911
    ivytwine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    reap-a-rat wrote: »
    There is one more way to kill a man but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chess.
    *Opens fire with machine gun in the nursing home*

    OUR RESIDENTS *BANG* ARE TRYING *BANG* TO SLEEP! *BANG*


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    #4912
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    What was I laughing about? Oh, yes. That crippled Irishman.


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    #4913
    OntheStrings
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭OntheStrings


    Homer: I caught the Cat Burglar. I caught the Cat Burglar! That means yo-u you are the Cat Burglar!

    Molloy: I suppose you're wondering where I hid the millions of dollars I stole over the years...

    Homer: SHUT UP!


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    #4914
    EyeSight
    Registered Users Posts: 1,180 ✭✭✭EyeSight


    Sign: "Do not touch - Willie"


    Home: *reads aloud* "Good advice"


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    #4915
    grenache
    Registered Users Posts: 6,477 ✭✭✭grenache


    Can somebody tell me what this thread is actually about?!


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    #4916
    PrettyBoy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,213 ✭✭✭PrettyBoy


    grenache wrote: »
    Can somebody tell me what this thread is actually about?!

    Woozle wuzzle.


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    #4917
    OntheStrings
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭OntheStrings


    grenache wrote: »
    Can somebody tell me what this thread is actually about?!

    You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel..


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    #4918
    Noccy_Mondy
    Registered Users Posts: 6,845 ✭✭✭Noccy_Mondy


    grenache wrote: »
    Can somebody tell me what this thread is actually about?!

    Simpsons Quotes :)


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    #4919
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Mr. Burns: Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! [cackles evilly, then stops abruptly] There is a poison one, isn't there, Smithers?
    Smithers: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.
    Mr. Burns: Damn their oily hides!


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    #4920
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Homer: And Lisa...
    Bart: (whispers into Homer's ear)
    Homer: I guess this is the time to tell you...
    Bart: (whispers into Homer's ear)
    Homer:...that you're adopted and I don't like you..... BART!


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    #4921
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
    Customer: Give me some jerky.
    Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?
    Customer: Oh, what the hell, sure.


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