Dental plan!

Noccy_Mondy

Homer: Sorry Marge. Pinchy got all dirty in the yard chasing birds. But don't worry. I put him in a nice hot bath.

Bart: Hey. What smells so good?
Homer: Pinchy? Pinchy? Pinchy?! PINCHY!!!!!!!

(The Simpsons are at the dinner table. Homer is crying wile eating Pinchy)

Homer: Man that's good. (sobs) Pass the butter. (wails)

Bart: Are you going to eat that all by yourself?

Homer: Yea. Pinchy would have wanted it this way. My dear sweet Pinchy! (pats Pinchy) No more pain where you are now boy. (he tears Pinchy in half and drinks the meat out of him) Oh God that's tasty. I wish Pinchy was here to enjoy it. (continues crying)

ivytwine

krudler wrote: »

"Dad, you saw the big cheese? what was he like?
Nice smell, perfect teeth, a class act all the way."


That's probably my favourite episode, definitely in the top 5. Homer turning on the tv to find some boring current affairs program being replaced by a football game cracks me up. And there's some brilliant quotes from it.

"I found...a PENNY!!!"

"Fire! whatdoIdo whatdoIdo?! ohh the song, when a fire starts to burn, there's a lesson you must learn, something something then you'll see, you'll avoid catastrophe.....d'oh!"

"Dear lord, guide Homer to the matress square and true.."
*shoves Homer out window, bounces off matress back into flaming house with comical sound effect*
"oh...kay..."

Boy.... Everyone is dumb but me!

***

I'm just a warm toasty cinnamon bun. I never want to leave this bed! [This one sums up my entire existence]

***

Rev. Lovejoy: No Homer, God didn't burn your house down, but he was working in the hearts of your friends be they Christian, Jew, or... miscellaneous.
Apu: Hindu. There are seven hundred million of us.
Rev. Lovejoy: Aww, that's super.

***
I'm sorry. I can't come in today. Religious holiday. The feast of... Maximum Occupancy.

***

[This is one of my favourites]

Marge: I have a responsibility to raise these children right and, unless you change, I'll have to tell them their father is... well, wicked.
Homer: [to Lisa and Bart] Kids, let me tell you about another so-called wicked guy. He had long hair, and some wild ideas, and he didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was...
[thinks]
Homer: I forget. But the point is...
[thinks]
Homer: I forget that, too.
[to Marge]
Homer: Marge, you know who I'm talking about! He used to drive that blue car.

Definitely agree, a really marvellous episode that exemplified how great The Simpsons was.

RobbingBandit

Barney: [in Moe's Tavern] And I say, that England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!

Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!

Barney: Lord Palmerston!

Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!

Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs!
[punches him out]

Moe: Yeah, that's showing him, Barn'!
[disbelieving]

Moe: Pitt the Elder...

Barney: Lord Palmerston!
[punches him out]

DazMarz

My Homer is not a communist! He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist... but he is NOT a porn star.

wnolan1992

"I am evil Homer, I am evil Ho-mer!"

Dirty Dingus McGee

From " Grade School Confidential"

Maude Flanders: Excuse me Edna, We are not talking about Love here, we are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N

Krusty: Sex Cauldron! I thought the closed that place down



Krabappel: [taking phone] Then let us take our case directly to the
townspeople.
Chalmers: Oh, yeah, that'll be -real- productive. Who do you want to
talk to first? The, the guy with a bumblebee suit, or the
one with a bone through his hair?
Sideshow Mel: My opinions are as valid as the next man's!

krudler

TV announcer: "It's 11 o'clock, do you know where your children are?"
Homer: "I told you last night no! hey where is Bart anyway, his dinner is getting all cold and eaten.."

DazMarz

"It's my first day!"

"Es mi dia primero!"

"Wung gung bang chu ni bay pai chow!"






"... quack, quack, quack..."

RobbingBandit

Dirty Dingus McGee wrote: »

From " Grade School Confidential"

Maude Flanders: Excuse me Edna, We are not talking about Lover here, we are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N

Krusty: Sex Cauldron! I thought the closed that place down



Krabappel: [taking phone] Then let us take our case directly to the
townspeople.
Chalmers: Oh, yeah, that'll be -real- productive. Who do you want to
talk to first? The, the guy with a bumblebee suit, or the
one with a bone through his hair?
Sideshow Mel: My opinions are as valid as the next man's!

I miss Mrs K.

McChubbin

"Mmmmmmm. Free goo."

Noccy_Mondy

Kearney: I'm here about the nanny job. I'll keep a watchful eye on your kids and if they get out of line... Pow!

Homer: I like him.

Kearney: Thanks. Hey, where do you keep the liquor?

Homer: I hide a bottle of schnapps in the baby's crib.

DazMarz

The City Of New York vs. Homer Simpson is actually a proper classic. So many moments that made me cry laughing!

Moe: Yeah, okay, listen up! The Springfield Police have told me that 91% of all traffic accidents are caused by you six guys.

Homer/Lenny/Barney/Larry/Carl/Sam: (hi-fiving and back slapping) All right! Yeah! Way to go! etc.

Moe: Hehe, yeah, I know, I know!

****

Homer: Goodnight, Barney. Don't forget to bring back my car back tomorrow. Just slide it under the door.

****

Marge: Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself!

Homer: Marge, you can stand there finding fault, or you can knit me some seatbelts!

Marge: Sorry, sorry...

****

Thank you for calling the Parking Violations Bureau. To plead 'Not Guilty', please press '1' now. (Homer presses '1') Thank you. Your plea has been rejected. You will be assessed the full fine plus a small large lateness penalty. Please wait by your vehicle between the hours of 9am and 5pm for Parking Officer Steve Grabowski.

****

Khlav Khalash! Get your Khlav Khalash!

No bowl! Stick! Stick!

Mountain Dew or Crab Juice!

No men's room! Only Khlav Khalash!

****

Homer walks to a mail box, intending to pee in it.

Mail Man: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, PAL!!!

****

Homer: Oh, Flushing Meadows.... (day dream of a green, idyllic field filled with toilets all flushing, accompanied by light-classical music).

****

Homer: Well that's it! I'm getting out of this town alive if it kills me!

(My all time personal favourite!)

****

Judge: How do you find the defendant?

Juror #1: (singing) He's guilty of mayhem, exposure indecent...

Juror #2: (singing) Freaked out behaviour, both chronic and recent...

Jury: (all together, singing) Drinking and driving, narcotics possession...

Juror #3: (singing) And that's just page one of his ten page confessioooooon...

Judge: (singing) I should put you away where you can't kill or maim us! But this is L.A., and you're rich and FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMOOOOUUUUUUSSSS!!!

(Courtroom switches to the Betty Ford Clinic)

Actor: (singing) I'm checking in!

Chorus: (doctors, nurses, Pro-Hockey player/model patients; singing) He's checking in!

Actor: (singing) I'm checking in!

Chorus: (singing) Checking, checking in!

Actor: (singing) No more pills, or alcohol. No more pot, or demarol. No more stinking fun at all! I'm checking in!

Chorus: (dancing around the actor; singing) He's checking in! He's checking in!

Doctor #1: (singing; removing actor's belt, shoelaces and a pill bottle) No more looking pale and thin. No more bugs, beneath your skin!

Actor: (singing) Hey! That's just my aspirin!

Chorus: (singing) Chuck it out! You're.... che.... cking.... IIIIIIIINNNNN!!!

(I also love how the actor/patient bears a likeness to Robert Downey Jnr.)

****

Add in the visual jokes of the boot on the car, the drill, the driving with the boot on, the chase through central park, the Duffman entrance to Moe's... it's an all time classic...



We'll see, honey........... we'll see...........

krudler

so I says blue m&m, red m&m, they all come out the same colour in the end...

RainyDay

DazMarz wrote: »

Homer: Oh, Flushing Meadows.... (day dream of a green, idyllic field filled with toilets all flushing, accompanied by light-classical music)

When I actually did get to drive through Flushing Meadows in real life, I was cracking up laughing all the way.

Anyway, from tonight's episode;

Homer: Buck, you've got a beautiful woman with a hot body that any man would fantasize about even while making love to his own Marge.

RobbingBandit

Scorpio!
He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth!
Beware of Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employees' health!
He'll welcome you into his lair
Like the nobleman welcomes his guest!
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
But beware of his generous pensions
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year!
And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
He loves German beer!

dr.fuzzenstein

As has been posted many times before:
Nobody ever says Italy...
I have an Italian friend, he thinks it's hilarious.

nxbyveromdwjpg

Hello, my name is Mr. Snrub. I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.

Sky King

I like the way Snrub thinks!

krudler

"Here at Itchy and Scratchy Land, we're just as concerned with violence as you are. That's why we're always careful to show the consequences of deadly mayhem, so that we may educate as well as horrify."
"When do you show the consequences? On TV, that mouse pulled out that cat's lungs and played them like a bagpipe, but in the next scene, the cat was breathing comfortably."
"..Just like real life"

ivytwine

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Barney: [in Moe's Tavern] And I say, that England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!

Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!

Barney: Lord Palmerston!

Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!

Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs!
[punches him out]

Moe: Yeah, that's showing him, Barn'!
[disbelieving]

Moe: Pitt the Elder...

Barney: Lord Palmerston!
[punches him out]

I did a module on the industrial revolution in college and once Lord Palmerston was mentioned, I nearly had to leave the room before I burst into fits :pac:

Youzername

krudler wrote: »

"Here at Itchy and Scratchy Land, we're just as concerned with violence as you are. That's why we're always careful to show the consequences of deadly mayhem, so that we may educate as well as horrify."
"When do you show the consequences? On TV, that mouse pulled out that cat's lungs and played them like a bagpipe, but in the next scene, the cat was breathing comfortably."
"..Just like real life"

Remember where we Parked!

Sky King

Homer: Boy, when Marge first told me she was going to the police
academy, I thought it'd be fun and exciting, you know, like that
movie, "Spaceballs"? But instead it's been painful and
disturbing like that movie "Police Academy".

dr.fuzzenstein

Youzername wrote: »

Remember where we Parked!

Bandleader: Welcome to T. G. I. McScratchy's, where it's constantly New Year's Eve! Here we go again! Three, two, one! (starts playing violin)

Everyone: Happy new year! ("Auld Lang Syne" starts up)

(a waiter walks up with champagne glasses)

Marge: It must be wonderful to ring in the new year over and over and over.

Waiter: Please, kill me.

Sunglasses Ron

Moe: Back when I was Gorgeous, everybody wanted a piece of me. But somehow, I just never made it to the big time.

Homer: Why not?

Moe: 'Cause I got knocked out forty times in a row. That, plus politics. You know, it's all politics.

Homer: Lousy Democrats!

Omackeral

Sunglasses Ron wrote: »

Moe: Back when I was Gorgeous, everybody wanted a piece of me. But somehow, I just never made it to the big time.

Homer: Why not?

Moe: 'Cause I got knocked out forty times in a row. That, plus politics. You know, it's all politics.

Homer: Lousy Democrats!

*after Moe flies Homer to safety through the stadium roof*


Tatum: Homer, your manager obviously loves you very much. Lucius, would you do that for me?

Lucius: Absolutely I would.... NOW GET IN THE VAN!

pajor

Omackeral wrote: »

*after Moe flies Homer to safety through the stadium roof*


Tatum: Homer, your manager obviously loves you very much. Lucius, would you do that for me?

Lucius: Absolutely I would.... NOW GET IN THE VAN!

Lucius: You couldn't even give me one lousy round Moe. To me you will always be a loser now, take your cheque for $100,000 and get out of my sight!

Moe: I don't need your stinkin charity! *casually folds cheque into shirt pocket*

Dirty Dingus McGee

From "The Spingfield Files"

Mulder: There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the
Heartland of America. We've gotta get there right away.
Scully: Well... gee, Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of
drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
Mulder: I]scoffs[/I I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like
that.




Scully: Now, we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie
detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just
answer truthfully. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes.
I]the polygraph explodes[/I




When Homer is running on a treadmill

Mulder: Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test?
Scully: No point. I just thought he could stand to lose a little
weight.
Mulder: His jiggling is almost hypnotic.
Scully: Yes. It's like a lava lamp.

Youzername

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal...

ivytwine

Principal Skinner: Now I finally have time to do what I've always wanted- write the great American novel! Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it Billy and the Cloneasaurus.

Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through... (time passes) ... it was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had... (more time passes)
one of the most popular movies of ALL time, sir! What were you thinking?!!


I mean, thank you, come again.

reap-a-rat

Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry?!

On now on Sky 1!