Dental plan!

RainyDay

Homer: That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away. [draws bunny faces on the electrical outlets]
Marge: She's not afraid of bunnies.
Homer: She will be.

RobbingBandit

Dirty Dingus McGee

Grampa about Marges mother

"I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple"

Grampa about Johnny Unitas

" Now that's a haircut you could set your watch to"

corblimey

ShooterSF wrote: »

Ah the reason I spent all my life knowing only that part of that saying.

Same reason I don't know the last line of 'Jimmy Crack Corn'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsaWIxl0GUY

Homer: The first meeting of Hell's Satans comes to order.
Flanders: I move that we reconsider our club name. Make it something a little less blasphemous. After all we don't want to go to hell.
Lenny: How about the Devil's Pals.
Flanders: No, see-
Moe: Or the Christ Punchers!

snaphook

"More creamed corn Jimbo Jr?"

"This creamed corn tastes like cream crap!"

"Watch the potty mouth honey!"

toastedpickles

One for the day that's in it

Oh, crap. I shouldn't have said he was a customer.
Oh, crap. I shouldn't have said it was a secret.
Oh, crap! I certainly shouldn't have said, it was illegal!
Ahhh it's too hot today..

corblimey

Roger Meyers: "I think your violent programming is despicable. From this day forward I will not watch your show, buy any of your products, or brake if I see you crossing the street."
Animator: Ooh, that one was cold.

ivytwine

In case YouTube take it down...

Grandpa: "Sounds like the Doomsday whistle. Ain't been blowing nigh on three years..."

Jasper: "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Trouble a brewin."

I don't know why but that really cracks me up...

HalloweenJack

RainyDay wrote: »

Fat Tony: Johnny Tightlips, can you see the shooter?
Johnny Tightlips: I see a lot of things.
Fat Tony: You know, you could be a little more helpful.

I also love the other one, Frankie the Squealer.

Fat Tony: Now some unpleasant news. I have learned that someone in this room is a squealer.
Legs: We've narrowed it down to either Johnny Tightlips or Frankie The Squealer.
Frankie The Squealer: Okay, it's me! I can't help it! I just like squealing! It makes me feel big!

Later, when Legs and Louie are working him over:
Louie: Had enough, squealer?
Frankie the Squealer: Did you know Fat Tony's real first name is Marion?
Legs: You just don't learn, do you?

Galway K9

Barney: [during his acceptance speech] I've learned that I have a gift to share with the world. From now on, I'll be a new Barnard Gumbel; clean, sober, and hardworking.

Mayor Quimby: Congratulations, Barney, and enjoy your prize - a lifetime supply of Duff Beer.

[the curtains pull back to reveal a Duff Beer tanker truck]

Barney: Just hook it to my veins!

[the truck driver prepares an I.V]

Riddle101

"Did you know there’s a direct correlation between the decline in Spirograph and the rise in gang activity? Think about it."

ivytwine

Riddle101 wrote: »

"Did you know there’s a direct correlation between the decline in Spirograph and the rise in gang activity? Think about it."

"I will."

"No you won't."

Galway K9

Abe: "Paint My Fence"
Hobo: "Make me!"

Nerdkiller1991

Galway K9 wrote: »

Abe: "Paint My Chicken Coop!"
Hobo: "Make me!"

Fixed.

Galway K9

I always thought i was good at simpsons quotes and trivia, and my friends always say it, but this thread puts me too shame lol:D

corblimey

Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way, because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: Second is anger.
Homer: Why you little... !
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?!
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me outta this. I'll make it worth your while.
Dr. Hibbert: Finally acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.

Noccy_Mondy

Homer: I work from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Lisa's love, then I'm off to the power plant, fresh as a daisy.

Dirty Dingus McGee

Noccy_Mondy wrote: »

Homer: I work from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Lisa's love, then I'm off to the power plant, fresh as a daisy.

Apu describing Homer

He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the
best damned employee a convenience store ever had.




Apu: Strap on your bullet proof vest, Sanjay, it’s time for another bank run.
Sanjay: Alright, but if I don’t make it, promise you won’t sleep with my wife.
Apu: I promise nothing.

haro124

Bart: But I saw the murder and then I saw you bury the corpse in the back yard!
Ned: (crying) All right, it's true. I am a murderer! (everyone gasps) I over watered Maude's favorite ficus plant, I panicked, then I buried the remains. I was hoping to replace it before you got home.
Bart: But I heard a woman scream.
Ned: Oh? Well, now that I can't explain.
Lou: (holds up the plant) Found it, Chief.
Ned: (screams like a woman)
Bart: Oh. Well, I guess that explains everything.
Homer: Not everything. There's still the little matter of the whereabouts of your wife.
Maude: Um, I'm right here.
Homer: (sarcastically) Oh, I see. Then everything is wrapped up in a neat little package. (everyone looks at him) Really, I mean that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic.

wnolan1992

Bart: So, you guys'll never guess what I saw at Martin's party after you all left!
Skinner: (shocked) Good gravy!
Chef: Thanks, it's just brown and water.

toastedpickles

I don't know why he just doesn't give in and get sweatpants?

He says the crotch wears out too fast

YAR! That'l replace the whale in my nightmares

wnolan1992

toastedpickles wrote: »

I don't know why he just doesn't give in and get sweatpants?

He says the crotch wears out too fast

YAR! That'l replace the whale in my nightmares

I was thinking of this quote earlier when I put on my sweatpants and noticed the crotch was wearing a bit...

I'm not even kidding. :pac:

dr.fuzzenstein

Dirty Dingus McGee wrote: »

Apu describing Homer

He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the
best damned employee a convenience store ever had.




Apu: Strap on your bullet proof vest, Sanjay, it’s time for another bank run.
Sanjay: Alright, but if I don’t make it, promise you won’t sleep with my wife.
Apu: I promise nothing.

Another episode:
Ah, the searing kiss of hot lead, how much I missed you!
I mean, i think I'm dying...

Royce McCutcheon

"Are you saying Homer Simpson is a liar?" "Well, we have obtained this footage of him with his pants on fire."

turnikett1

The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice... Like Urkel! And he only appears every Friday night... Like Urkel!

corblimey

Bart: And here's comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
Class: Ewww!!
Bart: We were gonna keep the grey one, but the mother ate her.
Class: Ewww!!!
Martin: Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!
Mrs Krabappel: As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!
Bart: Oh look, this is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in!

reap-a-rat

The detective at the Try-N-Save when Bart tries to steal Bonestorm:

If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and short length of hose.

And the phonecall:

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson? This is detective Don Brodka from Try-N-Save security. That's right, Don Brodka. Your son Bart has been caught shoplifting. Uh huh. Yeah, it's a shame, I know, but...well, try and have a merry Christmas. [hangs up] They weren't home, uh huh. But I left a message on their answering machine, that's right.

dr.fuzzenstein

LENNY Mmm, I wonder what makes it turn.
CARL Who cares?

larrykinney

AdolfHipster wrote: »

Where would you kids like to eat?

THE SPAGHETTI LABORATORY!

FACE-STUFFERS!

Professor Fijay Cornicopia's Fantastic Food Magorium & Great American Steakery!

You forgot The Texas Cheesecake Depository....😁

dr.fuzzenstein

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

LENNY Mmm, I wonder what makes it turn.
CARL Who cares?

After lunch can I whip you?