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Dental plan!

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    #5732
    toastedpickles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,607 ✭✭✭toastedpickles


    Can i borrow a feeling? AHAHAHAHA and It has a picture of you on the cover!!


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    #5733
    FarmerBrowne
    Registered Users Posts: 484 ✭✭FarmerBrowne


    Coming Eudora!!


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    #5734
    Trebor176
    Registered Users Posts: 3,413 ✭✭✭Trebor176


    Captain: T'was a moonless night, dark as pitch, when out of the
    mist came a beast more stomach than man.

    Homer: Hey!

    Sea Captain: So I says to me bostens, 'batten down the missenmast, Matees.'

    Lionel Hutz: Captain McAllister, isn't it a fact that you're not a real captain?

    Sea Captain: (lowers his head in shame) Aye.


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    #5735
    Dirty Dingus McGee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,631 ✭✭✭Dirty Dingus McGee


    Marge: I feel terrible. The Van Houtens split up at our party.

    Homer: Marge, please, that was 20 minutes ago.



    Kirk: You're letting me go?

    Cracker Factory Executive: Kirk, crackers are a family food, happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.

    Kirk: So, that's it after 20 years? "So long. Good luck?"

    Cracker Factory Executive: I don't recall saying "good luck."


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    #5736
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Dirty Dingus McGee wrote: »
    Maud Flanders: Excuse me Edna we are not talking about love here We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!

    Krusty: Sex Cauldron! I thought they closed that place down

    One of my favourite lines from the Simpsons pure quality.


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    #5737
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Mr. Burns: Who is that bookworm, Smithers?
    Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
    Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? How very strange. His job description clearly specifies an illiterate!



    Mr. Burns: Where is the meltdown originating?
    Smithers: Sector 7-G, sir.
    Mr. Burns: Who is responsible for that sector?
    Smithers: Homer Simpson.
    Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? Good man, dependable? When did he begin work?
    Smithers: Actually sir, he was hired under Project Bootstrap.
    Mr. Burns: (sarcastically) Thank you, President Ford...


    [On TV, Kent Brockman reports about the chaos at Kamp Krusty.]
    Kent Brockman: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been to Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together. A group of school-aged Spartacuses have taken the camp by force. Three counselors are missing and presumed scared."


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    #5738
    RobbingBandit
    Registered Users Posts: 18,131 ✭✭✭✭RobbingBandit


    Trebor176 wrote: »
    Captain: T'was a moonless night, dark as pitch, when out of the
    mist came a beast more stomach than man.

    Homer: Hey!

    Sea Captain: So I says to me bostens, 'batten down the missenmast, Matees.'

    Lionel Hutz: Captain McAllister, isn't it a fact that you're not a real captain?

    Sea Captain: (lowers his head in shame) Aye.

    Sea Captain: Come see Bottomless Pete, come for the freak stay for the shrimp


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    #5739
    DazMarz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭DazMarz


    T'is no man... T'is a remorseless, eating machine...


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    #5740
    RobbingBandit
    Registered Users Posts: 18,131 ✭✭✭✭RobbingBandit


    I heard they shaved an Ape.


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    #5741
    corblimey
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Not a quarter. Arr, he'll be dancin' for hours!


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    #5742
    Heisenberg1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Heisenberg1


    Marge: Look, Maggie, Christopher Walken's reading "Goodnight Moon".

    Christopher Walken: "Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon." (children listening slowly back away terrified) Please, children, scootch closer. Don't make me tell you again about the scootching. You in the red, chop-chop.

    Marge: When did we become the bottom rung of society?
    Homer: I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.


    Albuquerque Mayor: See how much Dallas wants for the Cowboys..
    Assistant: That's a football team, sir.
    Albuquerque Mayor: They'll play what I tell them to play...for I am the mayor of Albuquerque!


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    #5743
    Royce McCutcheon
    Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭Royce McCutcheon


    (When Homer arrives at the feed store to get some seeds)
    Farmer 1: Well, well. Look at the city slicker pulling up in his fancy German car.
    Homer: This car was made in Guatemala.
    Farmer 2: Well, pardon us, Mr. Gucci loafers.
    Homer: I bought these shoes from a hobo.
    Farmer 1: Well, la-de-da, Mr. Park Avenue manicure.
    Homer: I'm sorry, I believe in good grooming.


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    #5744
    Wise Old Elf
    Moderators Posts: 3,554 ✭✭✭Wise Old Elf


    Royce McCutcheon wrote: »
    .


    No deal McCutcheon that moon money is mine


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    #5745
    paddylonglegs
    Registered Users Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭paddylonglegs


    Radio psychic: you will die a terrible terrible death


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    #5746
    ivytwine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    paddylonglegs wrote: »
    Radio psychic: you will die a terrible terrible death

    Psychic: "Oh I'm sorry, that was our last caller. OK... I'm getting something... You will die a terrible, terrible death."

    Marge: "But-"

    DJ: "Thank you for calling radio psychic, do you have a song request?"

    Homer: "It's Raining Men!"


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    #5747
    corblimey
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Artie Ziff: Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about my busy hands. Not so much for myself. But I am so respected it would damage the town to hear it.


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    #5748
    McChubbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,080 ✭✭✭McChubbin


    "Maybe it's the beer talkin' Marge but you've got a butt that won't quit. They have these chewy pretzels.... sgjlhjgdhsjbsjg....FIVE DOLLORS?! Get outta here!"


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    #5749
    Trebor176
    Registered Users Posts: 3,413 ✭✭✭Trebor176


    Homer: Hmm. I wonder why he's so eager to go to the garage?

    Moe: The "garage"? Hey fellas, the "garage"! Well, ooh la di da, Mr. French Man.

    Homer: Well what do you call it?

    Moe: A car hole!

    Homer: [gasps] A counterfeit jeans ring operating out of my car hole! I'm gonna tell everybody!

    [starts to leave. Herman pulls a gun on him]

    Herman: Not so fast.

    [Homer walks slower]

    Homer: Okay.

    Herman: Maybe you should just stop altogether.


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    #5750
    Trebor176
    Registered Users Posts: 3,413 ✭✭✭Trebor176


    Cracks me up every time:






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    #5751
    RobbingBandit
    Registered Users Posts: 18,131 ✭✭✭✭RobbingBandit


    Child Psychiatrist



    where imaginary friends come to die


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    #5752
    McChubbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,080 ✭✭✭McChubbin


    ^^^ In a similar vein:

    "U2 Movers: We Move In Mysterious Ways!" :D
    Always chuckled at that one.


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    #5753
    Nerdkiller1991
    Registered Users Posts: 3,998 ✭✭✭Nerdkiller1991


    Air India.

    We Treat You Like Cattle.


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    #5754
    Trebor176
    Registered Users Posts: 3,413 ✭✭✭Trebor176


    Hans Moleman: Excuse me, sir. I'd like to request seventeen dollars for a push broom rebristling.

    Mr Burns: Why, it's that delightful TV leprechaun. I'm going to get your lucky charms.

    [Sound of a drill]

    Hans Moleman: Oh no! My brains!


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    #5755
    RobbingBandit
    Registered Users Posts: 18,131 ✭✭✭✭RobbingBandit


    Sideshow Bob: "Homer, how can one man have so many enemies?"

    Homer: "I'm a people person."


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    #5756
    ivytwine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    RobbingBandit wrote: »
    Child Psychiatrist



    where imaginary friends come to die
    Painless Dentistry
    Formerly Painful Dentistry


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    #5757
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    ivytwine wrote: »
    Painless Dentistry
    Formerly Painful Dentistry

    VHS Village, former Beta Barn.


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    #5758
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    RobbingBandit wrote: »
    Sideshow Bob: "Homer, how can one man have so many enemies?"

    Homer: "I'm a people person."

    No, it is German for the Bart, the.


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    #5759
    For Forks Sake
    Registered Users Posts: 11,584 ✭✭✭✭For Forks Sake


    Whoops, sorry, son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno and a monkey were bathing a clown!


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    #5760
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Homer talking about planning Lisa's wedding:

    "Ok Marge, I'll plan everything. We can have the reception at Moes..wait, why not have the whole wedding there! wecan do it on a Monday morning, there'll be fewer drunks!"
    "Homer, don't take this personally but this I've obtained a court order to prevent you from planning this wedding.."


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    #5761
    RobbingBandit
    Registered Users Posts: 18,131 ✭✭✭✭RobbingBandit


    dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »
    No, it is German for the Bart, the.

    Not to be a grammar nazi but wouldn't that be Der Bart, Der... :p


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