Dental plan!

Royce McCutcheon

From a newish episode where Smithers trys to bring the gay community to Moes:

"Eeewww! Isn't that the place where all those rats committed suicide?"

Sheepy99

"Buenas noches mein fuhrer!"

ivytwine

Sheepy99 wrote: »

"Buenas noches mein fuhrer!"

Das ist eine Nuisancefone!

corblimey

The year was nineteen-ought-six. The President is the divine Miss Sarah Bernhardt. And all over America, people were doin' a dance called the "Funky Grandpa"! (gears up for a song) Oh... I'm...the... (falls asleep)

Gamayun

"Bart! Sensible bites!"

paddylonglegs

Nerdkiller1991 wrote: »

Fixed.

You are wrong

Trebor176

Grampa: We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

Jikashi

You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day, I seen J.D. Rockefeller flyin' by, so I run out of the house with a big washtub...I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as "walking bird". We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving, with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball.

Ooh, what smells like mustard?
There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood--oh, look at that one!
My glaucoma just got worse!
The president is a demmy-crat!
I can't unbuckle my seat belt!
There are too many leaves in your walkway!

ivytwine

Has to be my fave Skinner Vietnam flashback...

The year was 1968. We were on recon in a steaming Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his flack jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an ironed-on sporting the MAD slogan "Up with Mini-skirts!". Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed "Charlie" to get the drop on us. I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right!

corblimey

Jikashi wrote: »

Ooh, what smells like mustard?
There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood--oh, look at that one!
My glaucoma just got worse!
The president is a demmy-crat!
I can't unbuckle my seat belt!
There are too many leaves in your walkway!

Mehh, why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ?

dr.fuzzenstein

Jikashi wrote: »

You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day, I seen J.D. Rockefeller flyin' by, so I run out of the house with a big washtub...I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as "walking bird". We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving, with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball.

Ooh, what smells like mustard?
There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood--oh, look at that one!
My glaucoma just got worse!
The president is a demmy-crat!
I can't unbuckle my seat belt!
There are too many leaves in your walkway!

Dad, I love you, but...you're a weird, sore-headed old crank and nobody likes you!

Noccy_Mondy

Bit of a tribute to Robin Williams, can't find a video, so the script will have to do.

Mrs. Pennyfeather: Hello, I'm Mrs. Pennyfeather. I understand you are looking for a nanny.

Marge: Pleased to meet you.

Homer: Wait a minute, Marge. I saw Mrs. Doubtfire. This is a man in drag!

*Homer starts pulling at her hair*

Homer: You're phony! Fakey, phony broad! (Homer begins chases after her) Gimme those!

Marge: Homer, if you're going to do that to every applicant, we're never going to find one.

Homer: Sorry.

Mrs. Periwinkle: Hello, I'm Mrs. Periwinkle.

*Homer growls and starts chasing her*

corblimey

Kent Brockman: And that's how an heroic hippo became a deputy.
Homer: Stupid hippo.
...
"Hippo Promoted To Detective"

haro124

[Bart is making a show-and-tell presentation]
Bart Simpson: What has four legs and ticks?
Milhouse Van Houten: A walking clock?
Nelson Muntz: A walking clock!
Martin Prince: [to another kid] I'd wager he has some variety of walking clock in that box.
Edna Krabappel: Bart, is it a walking clock?
Bart Simpson: Huh? No, it's my dog.

JustAddWater

The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Welcome, my friends. You may ask any three questions.

Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Yes.

Homer: Really?
The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Yes.

Homer: Really?
The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Yes. Thank you, come again.

Jikashi

JustAddWater wrote: »

The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Welcome, my friends. You may ask any three questions.

Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Yes.

Homer: Really?
The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Yes.

Homer: You?
The Preisdent of the Kwik-E-Mart: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you

Well, that was a big bust. Is he really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?

dr.fuzzenstein

Jikashi wrote: »

Well, that was a big bust. Is he really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?

No need to apologise.

FarmerBrowne

Bart: and here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
All: EWW!!
Bart: We were gonna keep the gray one, but the mother ate her.
All: EWWWWW!!
Martin: Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!

JBRowan

Homer - wow I never drink another beer again
Guy - Beer here
Homer - I'll take 10

suicide_circus

Grampa: "Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions."

corblimey

Daybreak, Jakarta. The proud men and women of the Navy are fighting for freedom. But you're in Lubbock, Texas, hosing stains off a monument. You're in the Naval Reserve, America's seventeenth line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard, and the League of Women Voters. After basic training, you'll only have to work one weekend a month. And most of that time, you're drunk off your ass.

Lyrical

Marge: I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
Homer: No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.

dub_skav

Whoa whoa, a fat sarcastic star trek fan, you must be a devil with the ladies

corblimey

Homer: Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me.
Young Grandpa: Homer, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!
Homer: Lousy traumatic childhood.

JBRowan

TO alcohol the cause and the solution to all of life's problems

RobbingBandit

Marge: I've never heard of these Movementarians. Are they some kind of church?

Homer: Who cares what it is? The point is that these are some decent generous people that I can take advantage of.

Marge: But what if they try to talk us into something?

Homer: Marge, Marge, Marge. Remember when those smooth-talking guys tried to sell me a time-share vacation condo?

Marge: You bought four of them! Thank God the check bounced.

Homer: So I beat the system.

Lisa: Watch yourself, Dad. You're the highly suggestible type.

Homer: Yes, I am the highly suggestible type.

dr.fuzzenstein

Homer no function beer well without.

Royce McCutcheon

Patterson: Sorry I'm late, everyone. [accusingly to Homer]: Somebody tampered with my brakes.
Homer: Well then you should've been there early.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, he got you there, Ray.
Patterson: Oh, come on, people. This man has promised round-the-clock trash pickup, that's impossible.
Homer: Not if we hire more men, and my men'll do all your messy jobs. They'll wash your car, scrub your shower, air out your stinkables.
Patterson: I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Homer: Well you better turn up your hearing aid, Pops.
Patterson: Pops? I'm only two years older than you.
Homer: Do we want Old Man Patterson here with his finger on the button?
Patterson: What button? What the hell are you talking about?
Homer: [mocking] "What? What? What? What button? Where am I? Who took my false teeth?"

RobbingBandit

Smithers: Uh, sir, we found the problem. Some idiot threw this in the reactor core.

Homer: [sees charred doughnut] Success!

Burns: You did this? How could you be so irresponsible?

Homer: Uh...it's my first day.

Burns: Since I've never seen you before, maybe it is your first day. Very well, carry on! [walks off]

Smithers: Sir, that's Homer Simpson. He's been working here for ten years.

Burns: Ohh, really? Why did you think you could lie to me?

Homer: It's my first day.

Burns: Well, why didn't you say-- Yawoo! You're fired!

corblimey

Don't you hate pants?