Dental plan!

corblimey

John: The tragically ludicrous? The ludicrously tragic?
Homer: Oh, yeah. Like when a clown dies.

Dirty Dingus McGee

John: Homer, what have you got against gays?
Homer: You know! It's not... usual. If there was a law, it'd be against it!
Marge: Oh Homer, please! You're embarrassing yourself.
Homer: No I'm not, Marge! They're embarrasing me. They're embarrassing America. They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names like Bruce, and Lance, and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they're just, uh...
John: Queer?
Homer: Yeah, and that's another thing! I resent you people using that word. That's our word for making fun of you! We need it!! Well I'm taking back our word, and I'm taking back my son!


Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homsexuals flaming

Tommay

Gonna use oil-based paint, 'cause the wood is pine!

Tommay

Lisa: How's Dad today?

Marge: Not too good, Lisa. Frankly, he's under the table.




Lenny: Hey, Homer! How come you've got money to burn? Or singe, anyway?

Carl: Yeah, Homer, what's your secret investment?

Homer: Take a guess.

Barney: Uh, pumpkins?

Homer: Yeah, that's right, Barney. This year, I invested in pumpkins. They've been going up the whole month of October and I got a feeling they're going to peak right around January. Then, bang! That's when I'll cash in.

gregers85

Homer:
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around the city,
keeping its SPEED over fifty,
and if its SPEED dropped, the bus would explode!
I think it was called........ "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

The Strawman Argument

HOMER: Hmm, I bet this place sells illegal fireworks ... just act casual, like you buy them all the time.(Enters store)
Yeah, uh, why don't you give me that porno mag, bottle of Old Harper, box of condoms, some panty shields, illegal fireworks, and a disposable enema... meh, make that two!

MARGE: (later, seeing what Homer bought) Hmmm, I don't know what you have planned for tonight, Homer, but you can count me out.

corblimey

(Homer has a flower stuck in his head)
Marge: Doctor, will he be all right?
Dr. Hibbert: Yes, he was lucky. If that were a gladiola, he'd be dead right now.
Bart: Why don't you just pull it out?
Dr. Hibbert: I'm a doctor, not a gardener.
Homer: Couldn't you prune some of the leaves so I can watch TV?
Dr. Hibbert: What did I just say?

DazMarz

BART!DOYOUWANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?!!?

corblimey

Man alive! There are... men alive in here.

DazMarz

Groundskeeper Willie: Ohhh, ye're gonna break like matchsticks! I promise ya that!

<Flanders turns on the light and comes in with a tray>

Flanders: Hey, I made some Rice Krispie squares for our hungry deprogram-arinos!

Groundskeeper Willie: Agh, man! Ya ruined the atmosphere, ya daft pansie!

Flanders: Well, it is my rumpus room!

Groundskeeper Willie: Ach-gee... DON'T CALL IT THAT!!!

spitfireIRL

So, a graduate student, huh? How come you guys can go to the moon but you can't make my shoes smell good?

ivytwine

Stuck in my head!

I hate every ape I see
From chimpan-a to chimpan-z,
No, you'll never make a monkey out of me.
Oh, my God, I was wrong,
It was Earth all along.
You finally made a monkey...
(Yes we finally made a monkey...)

Yes, you finally made a monkey out of meeeeeee!

Royce McCutcheon

For some reason I am in stitches lately whenever I see or hear a duffman quote, I really cant explain it!

"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem"

"New feelings brewing in Duffman! What would Jesus do?"

dr.fuzzenstein

Royce McCutcheon wrote: »

For some reason I am in stitches lately whenever I see or hear a duffman quote, I really cant explain it!

"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem"

"New feelings brewing in Duffman! What would Jesus do?"

(only done it a few pages back, but what the hell!)
Duffman's pension has been mismanaged! Oh yeah!

paddylonglegs

(Homer at post office trying to take off mr burns): Hello, my name is mr. Burns.
Post office teller: ok mr burns what's your first name?
Homer: I..... Don't know

RobbingBandit

paddylonglegs

Crisi-tunity!!!

DazMarz

Mayor Quimby: Goody Simpson is entitled to due process!

<cut to the edge of a cliff with the town gathered around. Marge is holding a broomstick while Wiggum, Lou and Eddie stand at the ready>

Wiggum: OK, here's how the process works: you sit on the broom, and we shove you off the cliff.

Marge: What?!

Wiggum: Well, hear me out! If you're innocent, you will fall to an honourable, Christian death. If, however, you are the Bride of Satan, you will surely fly your broom to safety. At that point, you will report back here for torture and beheading.

Skinner: Tough but fair...

Lisa: Wait! Does the Bible not say, "Judge not lest ye be judged"?

Wiggum: The Bible says a lot of things. Shove her!

corblimey

Marge: Kids can be so cruel.
Bart: We can? Thanks Mom!
Lisa: Ow, cut it out Bart!
---
You better run, egg!

wnolan1992

EDIT: And to add some balance to the debate:

Acciaccatura

(Lenny and Carl are in the Buddhist temple, sitting cross-legged and appear to be in a state of deep meditation)

Lenny (chants): "Who wears short shorts?"

Carl (responds): "I wear short shorts."

Richard Gere (to Lisa): "Those guys are waay off."

DazMarz

Marge: That's nice, Bart! You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy.

Homer: No, the army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb!

ivytwine

wnolan1992 wrote: »

EDIT: And to add some balance to the debate:

Did they change Willie's voice? He sounds more normal...

Haven't watched a new episode of the Simpsons in over 10 years but that digital animation is really soulless.

kearneybobs

Don't think there's a better place to put this.

wnolan1992

ivytwine wrote: »

Did they change Willie's voice? He sounds more normal...

Haven't watched a new episode of the Simpsons in over 10 years but that digital animation is really soulless.

The voices are changing as the actors grow older.

I agree on the animation, it's my least favourite part of new Simpsons. It hasn't looked right since they went to HD IMO.

dr.fuzzenstein

Mono..d'oh!

corblimey

Mel Gibson: So Homer, will you come to Hollywood with me?
Homer: You had me at hello.
Mel Gibson: I didn't say hello.

Trebor176

dr.fuzzenstein

Two things going round my head:

I hear digging, but I don't hear chopping!

And:

Dear Mom and Dad. I no longer fear Hell because I’ve been to Kamp Krusty. Our nature hikes have become grim death marches. Our arts and crafts center is, in actuality, a Dickensian work house. In the cabin, Bart makes it through the days relying on his unwavering belief that Krusty the Clown will come through. But I am far more pessimistic. I am not sure this letter will reach you as our line of communication has been cut. Now the effort of writing has made me light headed, so I close by saying…Save us! Save us NOW!

Welsh Megaman

wnolan1992 wrote: »

EDIT: And to add some balance to the debate:

STOMP ABERDEEN