Dental plan!

corblimey

Number 2: Why did you think a big balloon would stop people?
Scientist: Shut up! That's why!

Tommay

Lisa: I don't quite get the point of it, Dad. Why would Lenny want someone to saw his legs off?
Homer: Well, there were script problems from day one.
Bart: Didn't seem like anybody even read the script.
Homer: That was the problem.

RobbingBandit

Homer: Maybe it's the beer talking Marge but you got a butt that won't quit. They got those big chewy pretzels here merJanthfgrr...... five dollars??!!!? get outta here...

Summer wind

"Oh,my god oh,my god oh,my god

Oh,my god. I danced with a gay".

RobbingBandit

Roscoe: [to workers] Hey! Listen up! I want all of youse to say hello to the Simpsons.

Workers: [waving in a cliche, sissy-like attitude] Hello-o.

Homer: [gasps] Has the whole world gone insane?

Steel Mill Worker #1: [sissy-like] Stand still, there's a spark in you hair!

Steel Mill Worker #2: Get it, get it!

Homer: [whimpers as another guy walks past Homer holding a vat of hot steel in hot pants]

Steel Mill Worker #3: Hot stuff, comin' through!

Homer: [screams]

Bart Simpson: Dad, why'd you take me to a gay steel mill?

Homer: [frightened] I don't know! This is a NIGHTMARE! YOU'RE ALL SICK!

Steel Mill Worker #4: [waving his hand] Oh be nice!

Homer: Oh! My son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world's gone gay!
[a whistle goes off]

Homer: Oh my god! What's happening now?

Roscoe: We work hard, we play hard.
[pulls a chain, "Everybody Dance Now" starts playing as the mill turns into a gay nightclub]

RobbingBandit

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Roscoe: [to workers] Hey! Listen up! I want all of youse to say hello to the Simpsons.

Workers: [waving in a cliche, sissy-like attitude] Hello-o.

Homer: [gasps] Has the whole world gone insane?

Steel Mill Worker #1: [sissy-like] Stand still, there's a spark in you hair!

Steel Mill Worker #2: Get it, get it!

Homer: [whimpers as another guy walks past Homer holding a vat of hot steel in hot pants]

Steel Mill Worker #3: Hot stuff, comin' through!

Homer: [screams]

Bart Simpson: Dad, why'd you take me to a gay steel mill?

Homer: [frightened] I don't know! This is a NIGHTMARE! YOU'RE ALL SICK!

Steel Mill Worker #4: [waving his hand] Oh be nice!

Homer: Oh! My son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world's gone gay!
[a whistle goes off]

Homer: Oh my god! What's happening now?

Roscoe: We work hard, we play hard.
[pulls a chain, "Everybody Dance Now" starts playing as the mill turns into a gay nightclub]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12VUjgYMm1U

Fishyfreak

Warden: So, why do you want to be a guard here?

Homer: I believe the children are the future... Unless we stop them now!

Warden: Welcome aboard. (Holds a nightstick) This ends for beatin'. This ends for holdin'.

Homer: When does training start?

Warden: It just finished.

Omackeral

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Steel Mill Worker #3: Hot stuff, comin' through!

Homer: [screams]

Bart Simpson: Dad, why'd you take me to a gay steel mill?

Homer: [frightened] I don't know!

This right here is the best part. Bart's straight-up non judgmental frank question followed by Homer's pure disbelief in his own actions.

Riddle101

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNGVaN8FPYw

corblimey

You're the birthday, you're the birthday, you're the birthday boy or girl!

dr.fuzzenstein

I heartily endorse this event and/or product.

C14N

Lisa: *gasp* Lieutenant Smash!
Smash: Yeah that's right: Lieutenant L.T. Smash.

spitfireIRL

Moe: Barney, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?

Barney: Yeah, we all had a good laugh, Moe.

Moe: The results came back today. You owe me 70 billion dollars.

Barney: Huh?!

Moe: No, wait wait wait, that's for the Voyager spacecraft. Your tab's 14 billion dollars.

Barney: Uh, all's I got is 2,000 bucks.

Moe: Well, that's halfway there.

spitfireIRL

Another Moe gem:

Moe: Uh, hi, I’m Moe S.
Crowd: Hi, Moe!
Moe: Yeah, so last night I was closing up the bar, when some young punk comes in and tries to stick me up.
[the crowd gasps]
Sideshow Mel: Whatever did you do, Moe?
Moe: Well, it coulda been a real ugly situation, but, I managed to shoot him in the spine. Yeah. I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp!

suicide_circus

Lisa goes to the bus stop.

Lisa: Ahh, the old number 22. Clean, reliable public transportation. The chariot of the people. The ride of choice for the poor and very poor alike. Sure, some folks prefer--

Moe: Uh, you gettin' on this next bus, kid?

Lisa: Yes!

Moe: [whistles] Taxi! [gets into taxi] VD clinic.[taxi speeds away]

dr.fuzzenstein

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0yxfVFDD-0

corblimey

Sure, Homer, I can loan you all the money you need. However, since you have no collateral, I'm going to have to break your legs in advance.

wnolan1992

"Hello, this is Hugh Jass."
"I'll level with you mister, this is crank call that sort of backfired and I'd like to bail right now please."
"OK, better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young boy."

Omackeral

Staying with Moe.


Moe (teaching a self defence class) : Say some gangsta is dissing your fly girl, you give him one of these...

*Starts break dancing*

Precious flower

Omackeral wrote: »

Kodos: I am Clin-Ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. End communication.

Marge: That's Slick Willy for ya, always with the smooth talk.

Me_Grapes wrote: »

My fellow Americans, as a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

Precious flower

Principal Skinner: Oh, you think this stolen "H" is a laugh riot, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now, Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl. (Students laugh) Well, I guess it is a little funny.
________________

Marge: Everyone has a fear of something.

Homer: Not everyone.

Marge: Sock puppets!

Homer: Where!? Where!? Ahhhh!!!

________________

Marge: Homer, that's your solution to everything. To move under the sea. It's not going to happen!

Homer: Not with that attitude.
_________________

Marge: There are only 49 stars on that flag.

Grampa: I'll be deep in the cold cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!

C14N

Precious flower wrote: »

Marge: Homer, that's your solution to everything. To move under the sea. It's not going to happen!

Homer: Not with that attitude.

There'll be no accusations, just friendly crustaceans, under the sea!

corblimey

Worker: Sir, six cinder blocks are missing.
Boss: There'll be no hospital, then. I'll tell the children.

dan1895

Omackeral wrote: »

Staying with Moe.


Moe (teaching a self defence class) : Say some gangsta is dissing your fly girl, you give him one of these...

*Starts break dancing*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxMJvdC9yoc

Dirty Dingus McGee

From Hurricane Neddy

Maude: Neddy, I know this has been a terrible day. But, by golly, first thing tomorrow morning, we're going to open up the Leftorium and before you know it, we'll be back on our feet.

Kent Brockman: (on TV) Down here at Springfield Mall, a crowd appears to have turned its rage… on the Leftorium. Surprisingly, people are grabbing things with both hands, suggesting it's not just south-paws in this rampaging mob.

corblimey

Wiggum: Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun, boys. But, I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.
Homer: And how!
Wiggum: Gee, I hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little uh, understanding here.
Homer: I understand.
Bart: Um, hey dad, I.. I.. think he wants..
Homer: Not now, son. Daddy's talking to a policeman.
Wiggum: Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill. Have you seen any Bills around here?
Homer: No, he's Bart.
Wiggum: Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, okay?
Homer: Okay.
Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for (wink) is Mr. Bribe (wink, wink).
Homer: It's a Ring Toss game.
Wiggum: Alright, I'm shutting this game down.

RobbingBandit

Moe: Yeah! Call this an unfair generalisation if you must... but old people are no good at everything.

ireland.man

Homer: You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

RainyDay

Skinner: You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball sack.

ivytwine

Hey there... Blimpy boy... flying through the sky so fancy- free! *cries*