Dental plan!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO2t6LO9oLI

Mr Burns: "Look Smithers, Garbo is coming!"

Smithers: "Ahh...yes sir"

Dirty Dingus McGee

"Everything's comin up Milhouse"

Summer wind

I never told you this, but sometimes when I'm at work, I think of you and smile.

Rawr

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Professor Stephen Hawking: Your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing Homer I may have to steal it.

Marge: [Reading] Due to the unscheduled trip to the autowrecking yard the school bus will be out of commission for two weeks. Note by reading this letter out loud you have waived any resposinbility on our part in perpituity throughout the known universe?
[Groaning]

Duffy the Vampire Slayer

Rawr wrote: »

Marge: [Reading] Due to the unscheduled trip to the autowrecking yard the school bus will be out of commission for two weeks. Note by reading this letter out loud you have waived any resposinbility on our part in perpituity throughout the known universe?
[Groaning]

Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.

Rawr

Duffy the Vampire Slayer wrote: »

Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.

Bart Simpson: I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere.
[tries another number]
Hitler: [as his car-phone's ringing] Eine minuten, eine minuten!
[ringing stops]
Hitler: Ach! Das wagen phone ist ein... nuisance phone!
Man on Pennyfarthing: Buenos notches, mein fuehrer.
Hitler: Ja, ja.

Wise Old Elf

I love the fact that this story about striking teachers has the hashtag "purple monkey dishwasher"!

http://www.thejournal.ie/teachers-are-going-on-strike-1804591-Nov2014/

RainyDay

Skinner: I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right!

Summer wind

What do you think, Smithers?
I think seamen and women don't mix.

haro124

this is brilliant http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/this-is-the-best-simpsons-facebook-comment-thread-ever#33wegmg

ivytwine

Dear Lisa, as I write this, I am very sad. Our President has been overthrown and... REPLACED, BY THE BENEVOLENT GENERAL KRULL. ALL HAIL KRULL, AND HIS GLORIOUS REGIME! SINCERELY, LITTLE GIRL.

Summer wind

We started out like Romeo and Juliet
But it ended in tragedy.

BadMoonRising

Can I borrow a feeling?

Lyrical

Homer prank calls Moe.

Homer: Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
Moe:Eura Snotball?
Homer What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!

wendell borton

"Grand Funk Railroad paved the way for Jefferson airplane, which cleared the way for Jefferson starship. The stage was now set for the Alan Parsons project, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft."

dr.fuzzenstein

Everyone knows rock n' roll attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact.

Welsh Megaman

MILPOOL______

Kilkenny14

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

Everyone knows rock n' roll attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact.

Bart: [scoffs] All the best bands are affiliated with Satan.

The Strawman Argument

Just after watching A Prairie Home Companion and it brought this one to mind, it's incredibly accurate


Man: [quietly] Well, sir, it has been an uneventful week in Badger Falls...where the women are robust, the men are pink-cheeked, and the children are pink-cheeked and robust.
[Audience laughs loudly]
Homer: What the hell's so funny?
Man: At the Apple Biscuit cafe, where the smiles are free, don't you know, Sven Inqvist studied the menu, and finally he ordered the same thing he has every day.
[Audience laughs and applauds]
Bart: Maybe it's the TV.
Homer: Stupid TV. [Hits it] Be more funny!

Rawr

Bart at a busy bank:

Bart (Outloud, pretending to be customer): What do you mean, the bank is out of money?
Bart (As another customer): Insolvent?!!
Bart (As another customer): You only have enough cash for the next three customers?
(Paniced customers rush to the counter)
Bank Manager: Just a second here. No, no. I don't have your money here. It's in Bill's house, and Fred's house.
Moe: Hey, what the hell you doing with my money in your house, Fred? (Punches Fred)

Summer wind

Ahh sweet liquor eases the pain.

Duffy the Vampire Slayer

What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial!

Royce McCutcheon

Father! Give me legs!

Reoil

Patty: I can't believe Homer ruined another family picnic.
Homer: Hey! Everybody pees in the pool!
Selma: Not from the diving board!

Marzipan85

Kent: That's game, set, and match to us. But the real winners here are Marge's Hors' Douvers.
Homer: Wow, how do you come up with such witty remarks.
Kent: Haha, well... [camera moves to van parked outside with a speaker link to Kent's ear]
Guy: C'mon, c'mon, hurry up! [waits for other to finish typing. Reads] "I guess you could say, it's my racket!"
Kent: I guess you could say, I'm Iraqi!
Homer: *gasps* Get off my property!

Rawr

Hank Scorpio: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank Scorpio: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank Scorpio: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district!
Hank Scorpio: That's right.

Trebor176

Homer: Okay, we've got the secret vigilante handshake. Now, we need code names. I'll be Cue-ball, Skinner can be Eight-ball, Barney will be Twelve-ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-ball.

MOE: You're an idiot.

Welsh Megaman

Trebor176 wrote: »

Homer: Okay, we've got the secret vigilante handshake. Now, we need code names. I'll be Cue-ball, Skinner can be Eight-ball, Barney will be Twelve-ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-ball.

MOE: You're an idiot.

Marge Simpson: Homer, wasn't the whole point to catch the Cat Burglar?

Lisa Simpson: And I still don't have my saxophone.

Homer Simpson: Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back. But we've also expanded into other important areas. Literacy programs, preserving our beloved covered bridges, world domination...

Lisa Simpson: World domination?

Homer Simpson: Oh ho, heh, that might be a typo.

[thinks]
Mental note: the girl knows too much.

dr.fuzzenstein

Kent Brockman: "Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charge that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down 80%, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking 900%." Homer: "Oh people can come up with statistics to prove anything Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that."