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A haype o grandpa simpson quotes!
"The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment, I'll raise hell!"
"Old Macdonald had a farm e-i-e-i-o. And on that farm he had a chick, the swingest chick I know! With a wiggle wiggle here and a wiggle wiggle there!"
"Hello? Hello? You have my pills! Hello? I'm cold, and there are wolves after me." [Wolves howl in the distance]
Grampa: "Well, well, well! Before I was just too old and no one wanted my help. Suddenly, look who comes to old Grampa for - wait! Where are you going? Come back, I'll tell ya. He was right under my nose the whole time. He lives in my retirement home. His name is Malloy."
Lisa: "Wow! How'd you track him down, Grampa?"
Grampa: "Good question. On one of my frequent trips to the ground, I noticed Malloy wore sneakers, for sneaking. My next clue came justyesterday at the museum. We felt slighted by your age bashing and started home. Malloy said, 'I'll catch up with you.' [Malloy starts climbing the side of the building] I couldn't quite put my finger on it. There was something strange about the way he walked, much more vertical than usual. And finally, Malloy, unlike most retired people, has the world's largest cubic zirconia on his coffee table."
"Anyway, about my washtub. I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a walking bird. We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball."
"The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it."
"Now! Hey, listen! Now, my story begins in 19 dickety two. We had to say dickety 'cause that Kaiser had stolen our word twenty. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety six miles."
And my personal favourite
"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."0 -
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toastedpickles wrote: »A haype o grandpa simpson quotes!
"The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment, I'll raise hell!"
"Old Macdonald had a farm e-i-e-i-o. And on that farm he had a chick, the swingest chick I know! With a wiggle wiggle here and a wiggle wiggle there!"
"Hello? Hello? You have my pills! Hello? I'm cold, and there are wolves after me." [Wolves howl in the distance]
Grampa: "Well, well, well! Before I was just too old and no one wanted my help. Suddenly, look who comes to old Grampa for - wait! Where are you going? Come back, I'll tell ya. He was right under my nose the whole time. He lives in my retirement home. His name is Malloy."
Lisa: "Wow! How'd you track him down, Grampa?"
Grampa: "Good question. On one of my frequent trips to the ground, I noticed Malloy wore sneakers, for sneaking. My next clue came justyesterday at the museum. We felt slighted by your age bashing and started home. Malloy said, 'I'll catch up with you.' [Malloy starts climbing the side of the building] I couldn't quite put my finger on it. There was something strange about the way he walked, much more vertical than usual. And finally, Malloy, unlike most retired people, has the world's largest cubic zirconia on his coffee table."
"Anyway, about my washtub. I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a walking bird. We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball."
"The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it."
"Now! Hey, listen! Now, my story begins in 19 dickety two. We had to say dickety 'cause that Kaiser had stolen our word twenty. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety six miles."
And my personal favourite
"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."
Grampa: "Welcome home, Son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What's wrong with your wife?"
Homer: "Never mind, you wouldn't understand."
Grampa: "Flu?"
Homer: "No."
Grampa: "Protein deficiency?"
Homer: "No."
Grampa: "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?"
Homer: "No."
Grampa: "Unsatisfying sex life?"
Homer: "N- yes! But please, don't you say that word!"
Grampa: "What, seeeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had sex."
"Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three: medium brown."
"Not many people know this, but I own the first radio in Springfield. Not much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. A he'd say; then B. C would usually follow..."
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