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Dental plan!

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    #6572
    iDave
    Registered Users Posts: 3,750 ✭✭✭iDave


    I.O.U. One Brain. Signed, God


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    #6573
    Rawr
    Registered Users Posts: 3,874 ✭✭✭Rawr


    Apu: He is the benevolent, enlightened president and CEO of Kwik-E-Mart – and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart. [CEO slurps his Squishee] He is the one I must ask to get my job back.

    CEO: Approach, my sons.

    [Homer and Apu approach the CEO's meditation point]
    CEO: You may ask me three questions.

    Apu: That's great, because I only need one.

    Homer: [interrupting] Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?

    CEO: Yes.

    Homer: Really?

    CEO: Yes.

    Homer: You?

    CEO: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you.

    Apu: But – I must—

    CEO: Thank you, come again.

    Apu: But—

    CEO: Thank you, come again.

    [Homer and Apu leave the convenient store]
    Homer: Well, that was a big bust. Is he really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?


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    #6574
    jimgoose
    Registered Users Posts: 20,177 ✭✭✭✭jimgoose


    Horst: Homer, could we have a word with you?
    Homer: <Nervous> No.
    Horst: I must have phrased that bad. My English is, how you say, inelegant. I meant to say, may we have a brief, friendly chat?
    Homer: Noooo!
    Horst: Once again I have failed. <Opens "German to English" dictionary>
    Horst: We request the pleasure of your company for a free exchange of ideas.
    Homer: NOOOOO! <Runs away screaming>


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    #6575
    corblimey
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    This is the moment we've feared, people. Many of you thought it would never happen but I insisted we spend two hours every morning training for it. You all thought I was mad. Many of you requested to be transferred to another peanut factory. But now, we - (Stampy crashes in)


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    #6576
    Rawr
    Registered Users Posts: 3,874 ✭✭✭Rawr


    Grampa: Hey, they're playing the elephant song!

    Jasper: I love that. Reminds me of elephants.


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    #6577
    Rawr
    Registered Users Posts: 3,874 ✭✭✭Rawr


    Principal Skinner: I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder: If I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yeah, you heard me. I think words I would never say.

    Homer: I know you can read my thoughts, boy. Meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow.


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    #6578
    Hockney
    Registered Users Posts: 176 ✭✭Hockney


    Burns: Put my hand on her knee.

    Homer: Yes Mr. Burns. [Puts his hand under the table]

    Burns: I said HER! And I said knee......


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    #6579
    Rawr
    Registered Users Posts: 3,874 ✭✭✭Rawr


    McBain: But, captain, I can't avenge my partner's death with this pea shooter.

    Captain: I don't wanna hear it, McBain – tha-that cannon of yours is against regulations! In this department, we go by the book.

    [McBain fires part of the book through the wall]

    McBain: Bye, book.


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    #6580
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    Lou: The Simpsons? You mean the L. A. Clippers of
    backyard tennis?
    Wiggum: [laughs] Yeah. They're easier to beat than a
    suspect in shackles.
    Lou: Pretty easy to beat a suspect in shackles, Chief.
    Wiggum: Well, that's the joke, Lou. It's on the Simpsons
    and their easy beatability.


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    #6581
    corblimey
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Barney: Hey Homer, I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there's only one case left! (pretending to be the other people in the room) Yeah, yeah! Uh, Barney's right. Yeah, let's drink some more beer. Yeah! Hey, what about some beer? Yeah, Barney's right.
    Homer: All right, guys, pipe down. I got some more in the garage.


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    #6582
    Rawr
    Registered Users Posts: 3,874 ✭✭✭Rawr


    corblimey wrote: »
    Homer: All right, guys, pipe down. I got some more in the garage.

    Moe Szyslak: The "garage"? Hey fellas, the "garage"! Well, ooh la di da, Mr. French Man.

    Homer: Well what do you call it?

    Moe Szyslak: A car hole!


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    #6583
    Reoil
    Registered Users Posts: 1,126 ✭✭✭Reoil


    Flanders: "WHAT MAKES YOU LIE?!"


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    #6584
    iDave
    Registered Users Posts: 3,750 ✭✭✭iDave


    Lies make baby Jesus cry


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    #6585
    Wise Old Elf
    Moderators Posts: 3,554 ✭✭✭Wise Old Elf


    Que Sera Sera,
    Whatever will be will be
    The future's not ours to see
    Que Sera Se RUUUUUN!


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    #6586
    corblimey
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Marge: Homer, I don't think you should wear a short-sleeved shirt with a tie.
    Homer: But Sipowicz does it.


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    #6587
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    We don't use the "I" word in this house!


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    #6588
    reap-a-rat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,005 ✭✭✭reap-a-rat


    I've decided to protect myself, ever since I was attacked in my office by an unidentified assailant.


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    #6589
    Nerdkiller1991
    Registered Users Posts: 3,998 ✭✭✭Nerdkiller1991


    reap-a-rat wrote: »
    I've decided to protect myself, ever since I was attacked in my office by an unidentified assailant.
    "D'OH!"


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    #6590
    Welsh Megaman
    Registered Users Posts: 72,609 ✭✭✭✭Welsh Megaman


    Jasper: My beard! You broke my beard!


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    #6591
    Dirty Dingus McGee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,631 ✭✭✭Dirty Dingus McGee


    After Homer is conned by Snake in a 3 card monte game.

    Marge: How dare you prey on the greedy and stupid like that.


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    #6592
    corblimey
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Mmm, the Land of Chocolate...

    http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/File:The_Simpsons_Seasons_1-3_%282003%29_-_Clip_%22Land_of_Chocolate%22#ooid=s4dTJpbzpqL-e0HaBXMSG-8bLOfXOdyO

    Wow, chocolate, half price!


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    #6593
    RobbingBandit
    Registered Users Posts: 18,131 ✭✭✭✭RobbingBandit


    Homer: Woo-hoo! If Marge becomes Auntie Ovenfresh, we'll meet all the food personalities. [Homer imagines himself at a swanky party with Marge and various food mascots] Look! It's Mr. Cashew... the Kobbler Dwarfs... Snip, Crinkle and Poof! Twinkle the Kid! I love you! [he hugs Twinkie]

    Twinkie: Whoa, easy there pardner. [he hugs him harder and cream squeezes out of him]

    Homer: Uh-oh.

    Pringles-type man: You killed him!

    Kobbler Dwarf: He was my world!

    Food icons: [angrily] Blood for cream! Blood for cream!


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    #6594
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    corblimey wrote: »
    Mmm, the Land of Chocolate...

    http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/File:The_Simpsons_Seasons_1-3_%282003%29_-_Clip_%22Land_of_Chocolate%22#ooid=s4dTJpbzpqL-e0HaBXMSG-8bLOfXOdyO

    Wow, chocolate, half price!

    We where talking about chocolate? That was 10 minutes ago!

    We will now announce the following layoffs in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer. That will be all.


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    #6595
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Mr. Burns: [holding a model airplane] We'll take the spruce moose! Hop in!"

    Smithers: But sir, it's just a mod...

    Mr. Burns: [takes out a pistol] I said, "Hop in."


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    #6596
    Rawr
    Registered Users Posts: 3,874 ✭✭✭Rawr


    [Watching "Gone with the Wind" at the Retirement Castle]

    Scartlett: - Oh Rhett, Rhett!

    Scarlett: Oh, Rhett, where will I go? What'll I do?

    Rhett: Frankly my dear, [switch voices] I love you. Let's remarry.

    [THE END - Edited for Seniors]

    Bart: They cut out the best word!

    Hans Moleman: Didn't that movie used to have a war in it?

    Guards: Come on, get up. You've been warned.


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    #6597
    corblimey
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Marge: An A+! How did you do it?
    Homer: Oh, let's just say I had help from a little magic box.
    Marge: You changed your grade with a computer?
    Homer: D'oh!


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    #6598
    Liam McPoyle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,846 ✭✭✭✭Liam McPoyle


    I'll teach you to whistle on the Sabbath!!!

    :mad:


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    #6599
    Padkir
    Registered Users Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭Padkir


    I'll mace you good!!


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    #6600
    Marzipan85
    Registered Users Posts: 133 ✭✭Marzipan85


    Sometimes I whittles the future

    ***
    My cans! My precious antique cans!


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    #6601
    jamesbere
    Registered Users Posts: 5,022 ✭✭✭jamesbere


    Jane: A new and better life awaits you on our distant home planet, Blisstonia.
    Homer Simpson: [gets given a leaflet] Hmm. Makes Sense.
    Jane: We're having a free get-acquainted session at our resort this weekend.
    Homer Simpson: How much is this free resort weekend?
    Glen: It's free.
    Homer Simpson: And when is this weekend?
    Glen: It's this weekend.
    Homer Simpson: Uh-huh. And how much does it cost?
    Glen: Um, it's free.
    Homer Simpson: I see. And when is it?
    Glen: It's this weekend.
    Homer Simpson: And what are you charging for this free weekend?
    Bart Simpson: Come on, Dad. The team's arriving.
    Homer Simpson: [being dragged away by Bart] It's free, right?


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