Dental plan!

corblimey

Ah, I'm not gonna lie to you...So long.

toastedpickles

Sir! Uh, hello sir! Yes, you look like a man who needs help
satisfying his wife.
Ow! Oh...I guess people have some sort of moral objection to
our sex drug.
Lemme sell it, you idjit.
[takes deep breath] Step right up, folks, and witness the
magnificent medicinal miracle of Simpson & Son's patented
revitalizing toniiiiiic.
[takes deep breath] Put some ardor in your larder with our
energizing, moisturizing, tantalizing, romanticizing, surprising,
her-prizing, revitalizing tonic.

Dirty Dingus McGee

toastedpickles wrote: »

Dateline: Springfield. The elusive beer baron continues to thumb his nose at the authorities. Swaggering about in a garish new hat, he seemed to say, "Look at me, Rex Banner! I have a new hat!"

I think that may be my all time favorite Simpsons line.

toastedpickles

Dirty Dingus McGee wrote: »

I think that may be my all time favorite Simpsons line.

I do enjoy a good hat myself so i have to agree with you

corblimey

Marge: Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Rawr

Milhouse: [to Luann] And then Bart opened the door and Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel were kissing and swearing!

Pahusacheta Nahasapeemapetilon: [to Sanjay and Apu] Father! Uncle Apu! A teacher was in the closet with the principal and he had as many arms as Vishnu and they were all very busy. [the two gasp]

Apu: Wow.

Lisa: I was in the library at the time, but Janey told me that Principal Skinner and Bart's teacher, Mrs. -- what's her name?

Marge: Krabappel?

Lisa: Yeah, Krabappel. They were naked in the closet together.

Marge: [gasps] Oh, my goodness!

Homer: Wait a minute, Bart's teacher is named Krabappel? I've been calling her Crandall! Why didn't someone tell me? Oh, I've been making an idiot out of myself! [runs out of the room]

Ralph [to his parents]: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies, and I saw one of the babies, and then the baby looked at me.

Chief Wiggum: The baby looked at you?
[picks up phone] Sarah, get me Superintendent Chalmers.

[Mrs. Wiggum dials the number] ....Thank you, Sarah.

Kerrydude1981

Kirk: You're letting me go?

Cracker Factory Executive: Kirk, crackers are a family food, happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.

Kirk: So, that's it after 20 years? "So long. Good luck?"

Cracker Factory Executive: I don't recall saying "good luck."

corblimey

I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but... you guys asked for it (pushes the "Emergency Use Only" button: a small parachute emerges, carrying a "Call police" sign) Can't you read?! Call the police!

toastedpickles

Hey look I'm in australia! Now I'm in america

America! Australia!
America! Australia!
America! Australia!
America! Australia!
Ameri OW!


Here in America we don't tolerate that kind of crap, sir!

Eutow

Burns: Is it wrong to cheat in order to win a million dollar bet?
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Burns: Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if *I* cheat in order to win a million dollar bet?
Smithers: No, sir. Who would you like killed?

Tragamin2k2

Ned flanders!!?? may god have mercy on us all... theres an emergency at the hospital, where are my shoes?

i think theyre in the den

in the den!!?! may god have mercy on us all

corblimey

Mr.Burns: Ooh don't poo-poo a nickel, Lisa. A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel. With enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the polo grounds.
Lisa: There's a can.
...
Mr.Burns: Well, Lisa, as my adviser, you're entitled to ten percent.
Lisa: Oh, I'm not doing this for the money. I'm just happy knowing that future generations will enjoy unspoiled median strips and pristine highway embankments.
Mr.Burns: There's a can.

RainyDay

Miss Hoover: "Ralph, A - Janey, A - And, Lisa, for your essay 'Jebediah Springfield: Super-Fraud', F"
Lisa: " - But it's all true."
Miss Hoover: "This is nothing but dead-white-male bashing from a P.C. thug. It's women like you who keep the rest of us from landing a husband."

Lisa: "Miss Hoover thought I made the whole thing up. She called me a P.C. thug."
Homer: "Well, I've been called a greasy thug too, and it never stops hurting. So here's what we're gonna do: Grease ourselves up real good and trash that place with a baseball bat."

dr.fuzzenstein

Kiss me or I'll crush you!

suicide_circus

George Bush: Great Scott! Don't touch that, that's the alpine horn Helmut Kohl gave me! 

wnolan1992

Homer: HELP! Fat man hanging from a tree!
[forest ranger picks up phone]
Other Ranger: No. That's for fires.


Bart: Hey, you guys want a lift in my pedal boat?
Lisa: It's not a pedal boat. It's a pedal car that Bart drove into the river. Because he knows a shortcut that's not on the map.
Bart: How'd you like a shortcut to the bottom of the river?
Lisa: If it's your shortcut, I'll be high and dry.

Kerrydude1981

Ranger: I won't lie to you. Our chances of finding your children are slim to nil.

Lisa: (from below) Hi, Mom!

(Smithers and the kids are waving at Marge)

Marge: There they are! Let me down here.

Ranger: Sorry. There's no way off till we get to the top, and even then it's sort of tricky.

Marge: All right, kids, we'll meet you at the top! Just be careful!

Ranger: Uh, actually, I'm a little more concerned about us. (A support beam for the lift chair snaps in half.) Um, do you know how to weld?

corblimey

Aren't there any healthy animals in this forest?

Welsh Megaman

SAVE ME!

CHAKA KHAN, CHAKA KHAN!

corblimey

Carl: Oh no! He's going over the falls!
Lenny: Oh good. He snagged that tree branch.
Carl: Oh no! The branch broke off!
Lenny: Oh good. He can grab onto them pointy rocks.
Carl: Oh no! Them rocks broke his arms and legs.
Lenny: Oh good. Those helpful beavers are swimming out to save him.
Carl: Oh no! They're biting him, and stealing his pants.

Rawr

Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, we can't tell you how sorry we are.

Ned: You have our deepest condol-diddely-olences. [stammering] I'm sorry, I'm just nervous: I didn't mean any disrespect.

Marge: What are you talking about?

Ned: You know...Homer's passing. [Marge looks blankly] Away. [Marge looks blankly again] Into death.

Marge: What?! [looks at paper] That's ridiculous! Homer's not dead. He's right out back in the hammock. [they all go out back; the hammock is now empty]

Ned: Oh, Marge, of course Homer's alive: he's alive in all our hearts.

Maude: Yes, Marge. I can see him.

Lisa: [skips by happily] Hi everybody!

Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, I'm going to give you the card of our juvenile counselor.

dr.fuzzenstein

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=il8Q5ZoJELQ

corblimey

Lisa: All right. Now all we need is a name.
Bart: How about Blabbermouth, the jerky doll for jerks?
Lisa: How about Minerva, after the Roman goddess of wisdom?
Stacy: Ehh, not enough commercial appeal.
Bart: Wendy Windbag? Ugly Doris? Hortense the mule-faced doll!
Stacy: I think we should name her after Lisa. We'll call her Lisa Lionheart.
Bart: No, Loudmouth Lisa! Stupid Lisa Garbage Face! [no one pays attention] I can't stand this any longer. Somebody please pay attention to me! Hello, pay attention to me! Look at me! I'm Bart, I'm Bart! Look at me, look at me, look at me!

---

Lisa: You know, if we get through to just that one little girl, it'll all be worth it!
Stacy: Yes. Particularly if that little girl happens to pay $46,000 for that doll.
Lisa: What?
Stacy: Oh, nothing.

dr.fuzzenstein

Guess what I had for dinner today:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jq_OhlQ0ZkA

Wise Old Elf

Sees the word gazpacho:

Go back to Russia!

RainyDay

Marge: Homie, wake up. I rented that negligee you like.
Homer: Those legs go on forever. Oh, wait, they stop right there.

and later...

Homer: Oh, their drunken singing is ruining St. Patrick's Day!

ivytwine

corblimey wrote: »

Lisa: All right. Now all we need is a name.
Bart: How about Blabbermouth, the jerky doll for jerks?
Lisa: How about Minerva, after the Roman goddess of wisdom?
Stacy: Ehh, not enough commercial appeal.
Bart: Wendy Windbag? Ugly Doris? Hortense the mule-faced doll!
Stacy: I think we should name her after Lisa. We'll call her Lisa Lionheart.
Bart: No, Loudmouth Lisa! Stupid Lisa Garbage Face! [no one pays attention] I can't stand this any longer. Somebody please pay attention to me! Hello, pay attention to me! Look at me! I'm Bart, I'm Bart! Look at me, look at me, look at me!

---

Lisa: You know, if we get through to just that one little girl, it'll all be worth it!
Stacy: Yes. Particularly if that little girl happens to pay $46,000 for that doll.
Lisa: What?
Stacy: Oh, nothing.

Not right now, I'm too drunk.

corblimey

Apu's mother: Surely you know the background to your father's heritage.
Bart: So long you have no follow up questions, then yes.. we do.
Lisa: Fully.... we have to go now.

deadybai

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man,
But if your up there, PLEASE SAVE ME SUPERMAN!

Lyrical

Miss Hoover: Lisa, can I speak to you for a moment?

Lisa: Uh-oh.
Looks like I'm in more trouble.
Born to be bad.

Miss Hoover:There was a mix-up with your test.
You got an A-triple-plus.
Seems the F belonged to Ralph.

Ralph: I cheated wrong.
I copied the Lisa name and used the Ralph answers.