Dental plan!

Rawr

Stillwater: People, we're in danger of losing our funding. America isn't interested in space exploration anymore.

Babcock: Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret, that all the chimps we sent into space came back super intelligent.

[A chair swivels around, revealing a chimp in a suit, wearing glasses, and smoking a pipe.]
Chimp: [English accent] No, I don't think we'll be telling them that.
[Rollerskates away]

walkingshadow

BOMBARDMENT!

Rawr

walkingshadow wrote: »

BOMBARDMENT!

December 25: DOUBLE BOMBARDMENT!

Hercule

Lenny: If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was much better than anti-lock brakes.
Carl: Yeah, but what about Johnny Mathis versus Diet Pepsi?
Moe: Oh, I cannot listen to this again!

toastedpickles

'So, Lenny, what have we here?'
My daddy said I can have any birthday party I want. My cake will be a picture of a dinosaur and all the guests will say, 'Why, Lenny, that's a fine cake!' Then, 'Yes', I'll say.

'I decided not to waste any more film on him after that'

corblimey

Martin: How about this, guys? Bart can have it Mondays and Thursdays, Milhouse will get it Tuesdays and Fridays, and yours truly will take it Wednesdays and Saturdays.
Bart: Perfect!
Milhouse: Wait a minute! What about Sundays?
Bart: (suspiciously) Yeah, what about Sundays?
Martin: Well, Sunday possession will be determined by a random number generator. I will take the digits 1 through 3, Milhouse will have 4 through 6, and Bart will have 7 through 9.
Bart: Perfect!
Milhouse: Wait a minute! What about 0?
Bart: (suspiciously) Yeah, what about 0?
Milhouse: Yeah.
Martin: Well, in the unlikely event of a 0, possession will be determined by Rock Scissors Paper competition, best 3 out of 5. How's that?

suicide_circus

Lisa Simpson: [Homer is stuck in the top of a cherry picker heading fast downstream in a river towards a drawbridge] Quick, put the bridge down!

Drawbridge Guy: Okay, you're the boss.

Lisa Simpson: [the bridge goes down as Homer disappears beneath it] Dad, grab on!

Drawbridge Guy: [the cherry picker reappears on the other side of the bridge without Homer, who is then seen flailing his arms and legs with his head stuck in the crevice of the bridge] You said you wanted me to crush him right?

Lisa Simpson: No!

Overheal

Marge: So Mr. King, what tales of horror and macabre do you have for us today?

Stephen King: Oh, I've stop doing horror for awhile. I'm actually doing a biography on Benjamin Franklin. He was a very fascinating man. Did you know that he discovered electricity? He used it to torture small animals and green mountain men. And that key he tied on the end of the kite, IT OPENED THE GATES OF HELL!

(Lightning flashes in background)

Marge: Ok, well tell me when you get back to horror.

Stephen King: Will do.

corblimey

People are afraid of new things. You should have just taken an existing product and put a clock on it or something.

RainyDay

Overheal wrote: »

Marge: So Mr. King, what tales of horror and macabre do you have for us today?

Stephen King: Oh, I've stop doing horror for awhile. I'm actually doing a biography on Benjamin Franklin. He was a very fascinating man. Did you know that he discovered electricity? He used it to torture small animals and green mountain men. And that key he tied on the end of the kite, IT OPENED THE GATES OF HELL!

(Lightning flashes in background)

Marge: Ok, well tell me when you get back to horror.

Stephen King: Will do.

King writes post-it note: Call Marge re Horror

dr.fuzzenstein

Krusty, we're from the network. We have some bad news. I'm afraid your show's been canceled.
I thought this would happen. I just hope you replace me with something as educational and uplifting as I tried to be.
Actually, it's a hemorrhoid infomercial starring Claude Akins.
Can I play "Hemorrhoid Sufferer Number One"? - Ooh! Oh, that hurts! Aah! Oh, is there no relief?
I don't think so.
Well, how about one of the "after" guys? Ahh! Oh, that's better. I can ride a bike again!
Sorry.
Ohh.

RobbingBandit

Abe:Typical Canadian wimpiness! That's why you have snow balls and we have the H Bomb.

Rawr

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Abe:Typical Canadian wimpiness! That's why you have snow balls and we have the H Bomb.

I. . .moved. . .here. . .from. . .Ca-na-da. . .and. . .thay. . .say. . .I'm. . .a. . .little. . .slow, . . ehhhh?

corblimey

Stop! Sto-oo-oo-oo-p! He's already dead!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DAlo2hlFQU

Nerdkiller1991

Rawr wrote: »

I. . .moved. . .here. . .from. . .Ca-na-da. . .and. . .thay. . .say. . .I'm. . .a. . .little. . .slow, . . ehhhh?

Padkir

Rawr wrote: »

I. . .moved. . .here. . .from. . .Ca-na-da. . .and. . .thay. . .say. . .I'm. . .a. . .little. . .slow, . . ehhhh?

WARREN!!

HalloweenJack

Mrs. Bouvier: Oh Monty, you're the devil himself.
Burns: WHO TOLD YOOOU?!

corblimey

Homer: Well, I guess that's everyone. Except earring boy.
Bart: Come on, Dad. Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a kid?
Homer: Well, when I was ten I got my ear pierced. But this is completely different!

Rawr

Bart: [horrified] The burglar even took my stamp collection!

Lisa: [amused] You had a stamp collection?

[The family all laugh at Bart, and the phone rings. Bart answers it.]
Nelson: [on the phone] Stamp collection? Ha-ha!

toastedpickles

I'm gona report this to me member of parliament, Oi, gus! I have something to report to ya!

THAS A BLOODY OUTRAGE IT IS! I'm gona take this all the way to the prime minister!
Hey mister prime minister!!! ANDY!!!!!!

"That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie"

Professey Chin

Snotaul Goodman wrote: »

"That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie"

"Brilliant...........I have absolutely no idea whats going on"

corblimey

Royce: You'll be on a rocket-ride to the moon! And while you're there, would you pick up some of that nice, green moon money for me … Royce McCutcheon!
Homer: No deal, McCutcheon, that moon money is mine!

Skylinehead

toastedpickles wrote: »

I'm gona report this to me member of parliament, Oi, gus! I have something to report to ya!

THAS A BLOODY OUTRAGE IT IS! I'm gona take this all the way to the prime minister!
Hey mister prime minister!!! ANDY!!!!!!

Eh, mates! What's the good word?

http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk31dohx5s1qi5wn7o1_500.jpg

corblimey

Well, good night Maude. I mean, Maude. I mean, Rachel. I mean, Maude.

corblimey

Homer, to Krusty: Anyhoo, the key to fathering is don't overthink, 'cause overthinking is, um ... what were we talking about? (points at Krusty) Ooh! A clown!

Rawr

Johnny Unitas: So, what do you think of the Lady Krusty Mustache Removal System now, Angelique?

Model: It's Krusteriffic, Johnny Unitas. But is my upper lip supposed to bleed like this?

Johnny Unitas: Probably.

melted_face

love using this as an insult :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGTxD-5OnqA

Riddle101

Saw this today, thought i'd post it here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoBBuzRlQlk

dr.fuzzenstein

Oh my God! George Harrison! Where did you get that brownie?!