Dental plan!

dr.fuzzenstein

I hope I didn't brain my damage.

Tarzana2

“Hey, where'd that cool creepy Santa come from?”

“Japan. Except over there they call him 'Annual Gift Man' and he lives on the moon."

corblimey

Robert Goulet: Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager.
Nelson: Your manager says for you to shut up!
Robert Goulet: Vera said that?

corblimey

Smithers: Sir, there may be never be another time to say... I love you, sir.
Burn: Oh, hot dog. Thank you for making my last few moments on earth socially awkward.

Froshtbit

Oh my God! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?

Rawr

[Homer watches Bush Snr. go jogging past with Reverend Lovejoy, Dr. Hibbert, and Lenny]

Homer: Huh. Look at those phonies, sucking up to Bush.
[Santa's Little Helper sees Bush's dog, barks and then runs off after them]

Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush. [laughs]

Homer's Brain: Well there it is, Homer: the cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.

Homer: D'oh!

Realt Dearg Sec

Patty: I can't believe Auntie Gladys is really gone.
Selma: Her legend will live forever.
Homer thinking to himself: Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman.
Homer out loud: AHAHAHAHA! Legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh, that's good!
Marge: Homer! That's very rude of you.
Homer: Wha--? D'oh!

castletownman

From the excellent Prohibition episode, which was on Channel 4 earlier.

Marge [to Homer]: Why do you have so many bowling balls?
Homer: Ah, I'm not going to lie to you Marge. So long [leaves]


Narrator: Dateline: Springfield. The elusive beer baron continues to thumb his nose at the authorities. Swaggering about in a garish new hat, he seemed to say, "Look at me, Rex Banner! I have a new hat!

corblimey

Where's Maggie? Where's Maggie? I'm not kiddin', I can't see, my retinas have detached again!

dr.fuzzenstein

[Marge and Homer laugh]
Apu: He is blind as a bat! [the three laugh harder]

Mayor Quimby: "Fellow citizens, when I learned about the impending crisis, I caught the very next plane to Springfeld...field."
*audience applauds*
Mayor Quimby: "First of all; yes there is a comet in the sky, and YES it is going to hit Springfield."
*a few people clap nervously*
Mayor Quimby: "You, eh, don't need to applaud that."

dr.fuzzenstein

We haven't got shelterini's.

Beanntraigheach

Oh, Papa Homer, you are so learnèd!
Learn'd, son. It's pronounced learn'd.

Skylinehead

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Oh, Papa Homer, you are so learnèd!
Learn'd, son. It's pronounced learn'd.

Nucular

Dozen Wicked Words

Homer: I lost our life savings in the stock market. Now lets move onto the real issue, Lisa's hogging of the maple syrup!

Lisa: Well maybe if mom didn't make such dry waffles! There, I said it!

Marge: Well maybe if you ate some meat you'd have a natural lubricant.

corblimey

Lisa: He's going to make a tuxedo out of our puppies! (Bart hums "See my vest") Bart!
Bart: Sorry. You gotta admit, it's catchy.

corblimey

Bart: What are you gonna change your name to when you grow up?
Lisa: Lois Sanborn.
Bart: Steve Bennett.

RainyDay

Lenny: Hey, Homer! How come you've got money to burn? Or singe, anyway?

Carl: Yeah, Homer, what's your secret investment?

Homer: Take a guess.

Barney: Uh, pumpkins?

Homer: [pause] Yeah, that's right, Barney. This year, I invested in pumpkins. They've been going up the whole month of October and I got a feeling they're going to peak right around January. Then, bang! That's when I'll cash in.

MUFC91CS

Lisa: How's Dad today?

Marge: Not too good, Lisa. Frankly, he's underneath the table.

Homer: [under the table] Nobody make me any breakfast. A man so deeply in debt doesn't deserve it.

Marge: But I like to make you breakfast!

Homer: Well, in that case, I'll just have french toast with double butter and a side of bacon. But no powdered sugar, I don't deserve it. Well, maybe a little powdered sugar.

corblimey

Mr. Pote, Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing. You didn't tell me it was built on an Indian burial ground! (pause) NO, YOU DIDN'T! (pause) Well, that's not my recollection. (pause) Uh-huh... okay, well alright. Goodbye. (hangs up) He says he mentioned it five or six times.

EagererBeaver

It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?

I told you last night, no! Where is Bart, anyway? His dinner's getting all cold and eaten.

Beanntraigheach

Mr Burns: Ironic isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed I would be the one to go to jail!
That's democracy for you!

dj30

8:58.

First time I've ever been early for work.

Except for those daylight savings days. Lousy farmers!!

iDave

A turkey is a bad person.

corblimey

Lou: Hey Chief, can I hold my gun sideways? It looks so cool.
Wiggum: Haha aw, sure. Whatever you want, birthday boy.

dr.fuzzenstein

Marge: Says here that Bart might get jealous of the baby.
Homer: Yeah, well Bart can kiss my hairy yellow butt.

RobbingBandit

Homer: Razorblade of apathy / Shave me with your irony / Shave me! / Shave me! / Shave me!

wnolan1992

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Homer: Razorblade of apathy / Shave me with your irony / Shave me! / Shave me! / Shave me!

I love that, later in the episode, Marge finds Homer seemingly about to OD on heroin.

Homer: "But neeeed it!"
Marge: "No you don't!" *smashes it*

[later]

Marge: "Turns out it was insulin, and he really did need it."

:pac:

corblimey

Hmm. It's like he just disappeared into fat air.

Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?