Dental plan!

corblimey

Bart, you were Lisa's age and Lisa, you were...the age Bart was several years ago

Beanntraigheach

Hey, Fatty! I've got a movie for ya: 'A Fridge Too Far'!

(I love that Charles Bronson-esque voice heard from time to time )

Realt Dearg Sec

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Hey, Fatty! I've got a movie for ya: 'A Fridge Too Far'!

(I love that Charles Bronson-esque voice heard from time to time )

My favourite one is when he is talking to Comic Book Guy:

Comic Book Guy: Yes, finally! I would like to return your quote-unquote Ultimate Belt.

Bronson-voice: I see. Do you have a receipt, quote-unquote, sir?

Comic Book Guy: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek Convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average Trekker has no use for a medium sized belt.

B-V: Whoa, whoa! A fat, sarcastic, Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies.

Comic Book Guy: Hey, I...uh, de—oh...

B-V: Gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but, uh, no receipt, no return.

Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it.

Comic Book Guy: (sighs) Very well. I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.

Beanntraigheach

Here's a couple more:

Bart: When Milhouse left did you notice if he was carrying a piece of paper?
Fumigator: Oh, yeah, you don't forget a thing like that.

Lisa: I want the most intelligent hamster you've got.
Pet shop owner: OK. Eh, this little guy writes mysteries under the name of J.D. MacGregor.
Lisa: How can a hamster write mysteries?
Pet shop owner: Well, he gets the ending first, then he works backward.
Lisa: Ah, come on!
Pet shop owner: Look kid, just take him before his mother eats him, alright.

corblimey

Stern Lecture Plumbing: I told you not to flush that.

RobbingBandit

Lisa: Come gather round children, 
It's high time ye learned, 
Bout a hero named Homer, 
And a devil named Burns. 

We'll march till we drop, 
The girls and the fellas, 
We'll fight till the death, 
Or else fold like umbrellas. 

So we'll march day and night, 
By the big cooling tower, 
They have the plant, 
But we have the power. 

dr.fuzzenstein

corblimey wrote: »

Stern Lecture Plumbing: I told you not to flush that.

I love those.

Surly Joe's. The ONLY foundation repair company in town.

Realt Dearg Sec

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

I love those.

Surly Joe's. The ONLY foundation repair company in town.

Sneeds Seed and Feed. (Formerly Chucks)

kearneybobs

Think this is possibly of interest to a few of you in here. The guys over on Lasertime Network run a load of podcasts. One of which is a TalkingSimpsons Podcast. They're all pretty much ex-GamesRadar employees who've kept up podcasting.
First season is behind their Patreon paywall but have just opened the second season to everyone on Itunes. It's really good with lots of trivia and quotes too.
https://itunes.apple.com/ie/podcast/talking-simpsons/id1050103463?mt=2

RainyDay

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Lisa: Come gather round children, 
It's high time ye learned, 
Bout a hero named Homer, 
And a devil named Burns. 

We'll march till we drop, 
The girls and the fellas, 
We'll fight till the death, 
Or else fold like umbrellas. 

So we'll march day and night, 
By the big cooling tower, 
They have the plant, 
But we have the power. 

Now do Classical Gas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhjgqfsxXNg

corblimey

Candy Convention Room 1
Candy-Shaped Rat Poison Convention Room 11

wnolan1992

I'm peeing with the door open... and I love it!



I always think of this line whenever I have the house to myself...

corblimey

Guns aren't toys. They're for family protection, hunting dangerous or delicious animals, and keeping the King of England out of your face.

Rawr

corblimey wrote: »

Candy Convention Room 1
Candy-Shaped Rat Poison Convention Room 11

Homer: Look, I already encased the telephone in concrete.

Marge: How are you supposed to dial?

Homer: Reach into these holes! I use a carrot.

Marge: Isn't that a little excessive? I mean, how are the buttons dangerous!?

Homer: Baby could order poison!

Marge: Oh that's ridiculous!

[Homer dials numbers]

Phone Announcer: Poison Delivery Service! A gift basket of poisons is on it's way.

dr.fuzzenstein

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Hey, Fatty! I've got a movie for ya: 'A Fridge Too Far'!

(I love that Charles Bronson-esque voice heard from time to time )

Hey ma, how 'bout some cookies?
No dice.
This ain't over.

And of course Death Wish IX. I wish i was dead, hoi.

When Wiggum arrives home.

"Hello! Sarah! Ralphie! It's me, Chief Wiggum!"

Realt Dearg Sec

Bart: Dad, why aren't you saying anything? Where's our motorboat?
Homer: I didn't like it, the mast had termites
Lisa: Why would our motorboat have a mast?
Homer: Because...the thingy was...shut up!

EagererBeaver

Look big daddy, it's regular daddy.

corblimey

Uh, I'm, er, I'm on a road. Uh, looks to be asphalt...oh, geez, trees, shrubs...er, I'm directly under the earth's sun...now!

reap-a-rat

Awwww, what's the point of going out? We're just gonna wind up back here anyway!

Carlo Ancelotti

"I never apologise"
"im sorry, but thats just the way i am"

corblimey

"Carpal tunnel syndrome"...no.
"Lumber lung"...no.
"Juggler's despair"...no.
"Achy breaky pelvis"...no.

Dozen Wicked Words

Florida? But that's America's wang.

corblimey

Phoney: Hi, I'm Phoney McRingRing, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of one area code in (splice) your town (/splice) has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.
Homer: Uh, I have a question, Phoney.
Lisa: It's a movie, Dad.
Homer: Quiet, honey, Daddy's asking the man a question.
Phoney: You're probably thinking, "Sure, more area codes are great, and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees, but how will I remember all those numbers?" Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?
Wiggum: How big of a monkey?
Phoney: (laughing) Of course you're not.

paddylonglegs

Wiggum: ya missed the baby, ya missed the blind man

RainyDay

Marge: All right, I'm turning to a desperate mother's last resort. (sighs) I hope it works.
Selma: Psychic hotline.
Marge: Selma? You're a psychic now?
Selma: I'm filling in for a friend. She got hit by a car. Never saw it coming.
Marge: (groans) I'll never see my kids again.
Selma: I'm sensing it's all your husband's fault. That'll be $20

dr.fuzzenstein

¡Ay, ay, ay -- Señor Ding-Dong!

Carlo Ancelotti

Lisa: " I read books like you slam beers "
Homer: "that's a lot of books"
Lisa: "I know !"
Homer: "I think you have a serious reading problem"

Beanntraigheach

Mr. Burns: Smithers, guess what happened to me last night!
Smithers: I don't know, sir. You had sex with that old woman?

Kilkenny14

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Mr. Burns: Smithers, guess what happened to me last night!
Smithers: I don't know, sir. You had sex with that old woman?

Burns: She said "no" to me! Do you know how many women have said no" to me? One hundred thirty, but only one since I've become a billionaire.