Dental plan!

Rawr

Bandleader: Welcome to T. G. I. McScratchy's, where it's constantly New Year's Eve! Here we go again! Three, two, one! (starts playing violin)

Everyone: Happy new year! ("Auld Lang Syne" starts up)

(a waiter walks up with champagne glasses)

Marge: It must be wonderful to ring in the new year over and over and over.

Waiter: Please, kill me.

paddylonglegs

Grandpa: that's my son up there
Elderly friend: who, the balding fat ass?
Grandpa: no the Hindu guy

obriendj

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

What an episode, has to be in the running for best ever.

"Hey homer, I sleep in a racing car, do you?"

"I sleep in a big bed, with my wife"

Kirk: You're letting me go?

Cracker Factory Executive: Kirk, crackers are a family food, happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.

Kirk: So, that's it after 20 years? "So long. Good luck?"

Cracker Factory Executive: I don't recall saying "good luck."

Realt Dearg Sec

This things I believe.

budgie412

C'mon ovulate damn you, ovulate!

Realt Dearg Sec

budgie412 wrote: »

C'mon ovulate damn you, ovulate!

You are out of sperm.
*gun drops*

budgie412

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

You are out of sperm.
*gun drops*

Hey baby,remember me?

Beanntraigheach

Behold the horrors of the Slanty Shanty! See the twisted creatures that dwell within. Meet Cue Ball, the man with no hair!

Nerdkiller1991

corblimey

Marge: Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago.
Homer: But, Marge! It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi...even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power.

corblimey

Marge: Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago.
Homer: But, Marge! It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi...even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power.

corblimey

Homer: We'd like to dedicate this next number to a very special woman. She's a hundred years old, and she weighs over two hundred... tons.
Man: This enormous woman will devour us all! Aah! (jumps into water)
Homer: Er, I meant the statue...

AnonoBoy

Ned Flanders: So, recycling is just our way of giving Mother Earth a great big hug!
Mr. Burns: Yes, well, it does sound delightful! I can't wait to start pawing through my garbage like some starving raccoon!
[to Smithers] Release the hounds.

Joey Jo-Jo Junior

We can't bust heads like we used to but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel and in those days nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say.

Now, where were we? Oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

corblimey

Man: I'm here to pick up the Ambassador from Ghana.
Lisa: Well he's not here! Nobody's here! And none of you should be here!! You've all been tricked!
Man: Why would the Ambassador do such a thing?

Nerdkiller1991

dr.fuzzenstein

corblimey wrote: »

Man: I'm here to pick up the Ambassador from Ghana.
Lisa: Well he's not here! Nobody's here! And none of you should be here!! You've all been tricked!
Man: Why would the Ambassador do such a thing?

I DIDN'T SEE ANY UFO'S!
That's right. You didn't.

EagererBeaver

For anyone who's watched Making a Murderer,

I believe Steven Avery should walk out of here a free hotel!

Rawr

Springfield Shopper

"Families come first" on ballot

Second headline less important, studies show

corblimey

Editor: Thanks to modern editing techniques, we can use existing footage to complete the film without Milhouse! Watch.
(scene: a band of angry wrestler-types faces the duo in a cave)
Radioactive Man: Looks like we're in trouble, Fallout Boy.
(scene: field in springtime)
Fallout Boy: Jiminy jillikers, Radioactive Man.
(scene: cave)
Radioactive Man: We'll have to fight our way out. Are you ready?
(scene: Milhouse on a couch)
Fallout Boy: Yes.
(scene: Radioactive Man and Fallout Boy fighting alien slugs)
Editor: Seamless, huh?
Director: .... You're fired.
Editor: And with good cause!

dr.fuzzenstein

Rawr wrote: »

Springfield Shopper

"Families come first" on ballot

Second headline less important, studies show

Now it's time to do some coke off the blade of a knife.

PTH2009

I will get you beer baron

AlmightyCushion

No you won't.

corblimey

Give it a try, it's like kissing a peanut.

http://i.imgur.com/l0YwWYF.png

Chancer3001

IVE GOT TWO TICKETS TO PARADIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE

Realt Dearg Sec

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

No you won't.

Yes I will.

Dunny

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

Yes I will.

Wont.

Won't!

Edit: Dammit Dunny!

Dunny

[Homer wearing a beer keg on his head]

Homer: Look at me! I'm the Prime Minister of Ireland.

[everyone in the bar starts laughing]

Realt Dearg Sec

I'M PETER PANTSLESS!