Dental plan!

Welsh Megaman

CONGA! CONGA! CONGA!

WE LOVE MONTY BURNS MORE!

CONGA LIKE YOU MEAN IT!

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME SHOCK YOU!

Rawr

Mr. Burns: See with your eyes, not with your hands!

Fidel Castro: Please! We are all amigos here!

Homer: Mr. Burns, I think we can trust the President of Cuba!

[Mr. Burns reluctantly hands over Trillion dollar bill]
Mr. Burns: Now give it back.

Fidel Castro: Give what back?

dr.fuzzenstein

corblimey wrote: »

Uh, we object to the term ''urine-soaked hellhole'' when you could have said ''peepee-soaked heckhole."

Cheerfully withdrawn!

Omackeral

Agnes: Seymour, I'm tired. Tell them we're going next.

Skinner: Well, I'm not principal of the line, Mother.

Agnes: (Coldly and harshly) And you never will be!

suicide_circus

Mr Burns: Due to my hectic schedule and lethargic sperm, I never fathered an heir. Now, I have no one to leave my enormous fortune to, no one.

Smithers: Ah-hem


Mr Burns: You, Smithers? Oh, no, my dear friend. I’ve planned a far greater reward for you. When I pass on, you shall be buried alive with me.

https://deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/burnsheir6.png



I know its a repeat but its just such a well judged visual gag with that element of the horrific and absurd that the Simpsons used to do so well.

corblimey

Moe: Homer, you need to focus here. You gotta...think hard, and come up with a slogan that appeals to all the lazy slobs out there.
Homer: Can't someone else do it?
Moe: "Can't someone else do it?", that's perfect!
Homer: It is?
Moe: Yeah! Now get out there and spread that message to the people!
Homer: Woo hoo! (starts to leave)
Moe: Woah, hey, you didn't pay for the beer.
Homer: "Can't someone else do it?"
(Moe and Homer laugh. As Homer starts to leave, Moe cocks and points a shotgun at him and clears his throat)
Moe: Seriously, give me the money.

Rawr

Homer: Just give me my gun!

Clerk: Sorry, the law requires a five day waiting period. We've got to run a background check.

Homer: Five days?! But I'm mad now! Oh, I'd kill you if I had my gun...!

Clerk: Yeah, well, you don't.

Rawr

Lisa: Principal Skinner, remember when I didn't sue when I found that scorpion in my applesauce? Well, I'm calling in a favor.

Principal Skinner: I knew this day would come.

[voice over intercom] Attention: all honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archeological dig.

...Conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archaeological dig.

EagererBeaver

Hello, I'm Dr. Cheeks. I'm just doin' my rounds and, uh, I'm a little behind.

corblimey

Marge: So, you're married, and you're looking for your house, Mr. and Mrs...
Bart: Superman!
Lisa: Oh! Don't listen to my husband, he's just an idiot. Now, I'm a veterinarian, and I need to keep lots of sick animals in my house. Is that permitted?
Bart: Not in my damn house!
Marge: Well, this neighbourhood is zoned R-3, which allows dogs, cats, phone answering monkeys, and... ohhh... I'll never memorize all this!
Lisa: When I had to learn about the Magna Carta, I made up a song! (singing) In 1215 at Ronnie Mee, do da do da, the nobles and the king agreed, oh da doo da day!
Bart: We should have lived together first.

I could just post the whole damn script...

somefeen

Allo allo allo, whats all this then? Its a little bird with a knife innit.

electrobanana

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That’s specious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn’t work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It’s just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don’t see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

RainyDay

Alien: Anything you need? Perhaps you'd care to have your ink gland expressed.
Homer: You're the doctor.
Marge: Homer! You have to stop dropping your pants for everyone who claims they're a doctor.
Homer: Fine.

RainyDay

Alien: Anything you need? Perhaps you'd care to have your ink gland expressed.
Homer: You're the doctor.
Marge: Homer! You have to stop dropping your pants for everyone who claims they're a doctor.
Homer: Fine.

corblimey

Marge: It was salesmanship, that's all!
Lionel: Sure, Marge, "salesmanship".
Marge: But it was!
Lionel: Sure, Marge, "was".

corblimey

Ms.Krabappel: "After two months at sea, the Pilgrims were running out of food and water." Yes, Nelson?
Nelson: Did they have any have yo-yo's?
Ms.Krabappel: No, they did not have yo-yo's. "When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the friendly Wampanog Indians."
Milhouse: Did the Indians have yo-yo's?

Rawr

Chief Wiggum: I hate to interrupt your fun, boys, but I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.

Homer: Heh-heh, and how.

Chief Wiggum: Gee, I hate to close you down, maybe we can reach a little, uh...understanding here.

Homer: [lifelessly] I understand.

Bart: Um, hey, Dad, I think he wants..
.
Homer: Not right now, son, Daddy is talking to the policeman.

Chief Wiggum: Lemme put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill. Have you seen any Bills around here?

Homer: [still not getting Chief Wiggum's point] No. He's Bart.

Chief Wiggum: Argh. Listen carefully and watch me wink as I speak, okay?

Homer: Okay.

Chief Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe, wink wink.

Homer: [still not understanding anything] It's a ring toss game.

Chief Wiggum: Alright, that's it, I'm shutting this game down!


Later....


Homer: Carnies took over our house, you've got to help us!

Chief Wiggum: Well, well, well. Look who's here, Mr. No-Bribe! Sure, we'll help you, just sit down and wait for Detective Like-I-Give-A-Damn!

Homer: Thank you so much!

Lisa: Dad?

Homer: Honey, Daddy's waiting for the detective.

dr.fuzzenstein

Alright Econo Save, you just made the list!

https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3260/2520613361_dee41fdfa5_b.jpg

Beanntraigheach

*Homer enters a swanky club*

Homer: Wow, classy.
Maitre D': Good evening, Sir. Would you please leave without a fuss right now.
Homer: OK.

corblimey

Lisa: I made a new bar of soap by squeezing all our little soap slivers together!
Marge: That's very clever.
Bart: And today, instead of buying comic books, I just read 'em and left 'em in the store.
Marge: Mmm, you shouldn't do that.
Lisa: My jump rope broke, but I just tied it back together.
Marge: That's good, Lisa.
Bart: I didn't take a bath today, and I may not take one tomorrow.
Marge: I want you to take baths, Bart.

HalloweenJack

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a05zgzS_JrI

HalloweenJack

Rawr wrote: »

Chief Wiggum sarcastic

Chief Wiggum replies are the best!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8uRmhP5VOg

Realt Dearg Sec

What is your obsession with my forbidden closet of mystery?

corblimey

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

What is your obsession with my forbidden closet of mystery?

Bart: Did he say I'm not allowed to go in there?
Ralph: Yes.

corblimey

Mother Simpson: "How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?"
Homer: 7!
Lisa: No, Dad, it's a rhetorical question.
Homer: Rhetorical, eh?..... 8!

iLikeWaffles

What happened to you, man? You used to be cool.

I'm still cool!

Nah, you've changed, man

suicide_circus

Mr. Burns: Oh, if only we'd listened to that young man, instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven.

Realt Dearg Sec

corblimey wrote: »

Mother Simpson: "How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?"
Homer: 7!
Lisa: No, Dad, it's a rhetorical question.
Homer: Rhetorical, eh?..... 8!

Do you even know what rhetorical means?

Do I know what rhetorical means?!

8 Bit Girl

A pirate!?

Well thats hardly the image we want for Long John Silvers!

corblimey

Now, behind that door is Edison's actual preserved brain. Ordinarily, folks, tour groups are not allowed to see it (removes the rope). And of course, today will be no exception (replaces the rope). Now no tour would be complete without a visit to Edison's boyhood gift shop.