Dental plan!

corblimey

suicide_circus wrote: »

Mr. Burns: Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating... Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?

Smithers: Er... no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.

Mr. Burns: Damn their oily hides!

Mr.Burns: As punishment for your desertion, it's company policy to give you the plague.
Smithers: Uh, sir, that's the plaque.

corblimey

The thing about huckleberries is, once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned. (Principal Skinner walks up) Nuh, um ... uh, so anyway, I kicked the guy's ass. (Skinner leaves) Now, if the berries are too tart, I just dust them with confectioner's sugar.

marcbrophy

♫Hark to the tale of Nelson,
And the boy he loved so dear.
They remained the best of friends,
For years and years and years.♫

paddylonglegs

marcbrophy wrote: »

♫Hark to the tale of Nelson,
And the boy he loved so dear.
They remained the best of friends,
For years and years and years.♫

Spring forth burley protector!

Dirty Dingus McGee

This in my opinion is one One of the all time great lines which sums up the simpsons brilliance.

"That sounds like a pig fainting"

paddylonglegs

Moe: where ya goin baby, ya goin to dig up the corpses?

corblimey

Krusty the Clown: Well, okay, but here where it says, "What I got you gotta get and put it in ya," how about just, "What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss ya."
"Red Hot Chilli Pepper" #1: Wow. That's much better.
"Red Hot Chilli Pepper" #2: Everyone can enjoy that.

corblimey

Lisa: Excuse us, Rabbi Krustofski?
Rabbi Krustofski: Oh, what can I do for you my young friends?
Bart: We came to talk to you about your son.
Rabbi Krustofski: I have no son! (he slams the door)
Bart: Oh great. We came all this way and it’s the wrong guy.
Rabbi Krustofski: I didn’t mean that literally!

corblimey

Stupid babies need the most attention.

RobbingBandit

Homer:I am so smart, I am so smart, Smrt, I mean Smart.

RobbingBandit

Protesters Two, four, six, eight, Homer's crime was very great! "Great" meaning large or immense, we use it in the pejorative sense!

paddylonglegs

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Protesters Two, four, six, eight, Homer's crime was very great! "Great" meaning large or immense, we use it in the pejorative sense!

I love this gag so much

corblimey

Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.

EagererBeaver

Bye, book!

What are those?

Helen Lovejoy- Please don't talk about S-E-X in front on the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N
Krusty- Sex Cauldron? I thought they shut that place down!

paddylonglegs

Dr Nick: hi frozen body!

Riddle101

Watched Lisa The Skeptic episode today. Some really good gems.

Homer: I'm locking it up in my safe deposit closet with my other valuables. I'll just leave it in here for a few years and let it appreciate in value.
Bart: It's probably a million years old, Dad, I think it's as valuable as it's going to get.

Mr. Burns: D'oh! Fiddle-faddle, everyone knows our mutants have flippers. Oh! I've said too much. Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr. Burns: Precisely, be sure to wipe your own memory clear when you've finished.

Lisa: Oh, thank you so much. Er... you know... I can't afford to pay you.
Dr. Gould: I didn't become a scientist for financial gain. What ever little money you have will be just fine.

Lisa: I don't understand, Professor. Why didn't your tests show that the skeleton was a fake?
Dr. Gould: I'm going to be honest with you, Lisa. I never did the tests. [walks away]

Reverend Lovejoy: Well, It appears science has failed again, in front of overwhelming religious evidence.
Lisa: But..
Moe: Go home, science girl.
Lisa: I am home.
Moe: Good, stay there.

Homer: Oh, no! This is a disaster! Now what the hell am I gonna do with three thousand angel ashtrays?!
Bart: I could take up smoking.
Homer: You'd damn well better.

Judge Synder: I find the defendent not guilty. As for "Science vs. Religion," I'm issuing a refraining order. Science should stay 500 yards from religion at all times.

Lisa: Let's get back to digging. You never know, we might stumble upon a Tyrannosaurus Rex
Ralph: AHHHHHHH!!!!(Runs away)

corblimey

Milhouse, baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, unauthorized biographer, and drug dealerrr... keeper-awayer.

paddylonglegs

Reverend, I need to know, is God punishing me?

Ohh, short answer “Yes” with an “if”, long answer “No” with a “but”.

Dirty Dingus McGee

Gordie Howe or Woodrow as I remember him passed away this weekend.

paddylonglegs

Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock

Realt Dearg Sec

paddylonglegs wrote: »

Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock

That's specious reasoning dad.

Thank you honey.



I'm sick of these constant bear attacks. It's like a frickin bear jambaroo around here.


Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the homer tax.


God without even getting close to when the episode starts to be about immigrants there's just too many brilliant quotes in this episode. Possibly among the best ever?

We're here! We're queer! We don't want anymore bears!

Immigrants! I knew it was them! Even when it was the bears I knew it was them!

EagererBeaver

Our next bachelor likes women who take their clothes off for money, lets hear it for Moe!

corblimey

We did twenty takes, and that was the best one.

Rawr

(In an edited version of his interview with Godfrey Jones, the splices can be told because the clock in the background keeps changing times.)

Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home, then I noticed she was sitting on / her / sweet can... / so I grabbed / her / sweet can... / Ohhhh, just thinking about / her / can... / I just wish I had / her / sweet, sweet / s/s/sweet can...

Godfrey: (Standing outside) So, Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?

(We see a still video shot of Homer looking lustful)

Godfrey:Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further!

(the frozen image of Homer begins to slowly zoom in)

Godfrey:No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me! Get back! Get back! M-Mr. Simpson! NOOOO! (freeze frames on the screaming Godfrey)

Announcer: Dramatization. May not have happened.

EagererBeaver

Don't ask me, I don't know anything! I'm product of American education system. I also build poor quality cars and inferior-style electronics!

What are those?

zzzzzzap

Realt Dearg Sec

EagererBeaver wrote: »

Don't ask me, I don't know anything! I'm product of American education system. I also build poor quality cars and inferior-style electronics!

Heh heh heh they've really got our number

EagererBeaver

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

Heh heh heh they've really got our number

Well, I haven't talked it over with the family, but I think we'd all like a free dinner at Americatown.

corblimey

Fifteen years of loyal service, and this is how they tell me? A jester with an invisible proclamation?