Dental plan!

Glenster

Riddle101 wrote: »

"If it's a crime to love ones country, then i'm guilty, and if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars for your government and give it to communists then i'm guilty of that too, and if it's a crime to bribe a jury then so help me, i'll soon be guilty of that too"

God bless America!

iamstop

Beer, the cause of and solution to...probable the most quoted quote on here.

Darksaga87

They said if im late for work again, that im not to come in monday....WOOO long weekend!

rathcop

I'm gonna punch you in the baby maker!

whatsamsn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjvnRM554lw

Classic.

the purple tin

Homer- D'oh!
Marge- A deer!
Lisa- A female deer!

Funglegunk

On yesterday:

Fidel Castro: Comrads, our nation is completely bankrupt! We have no choice but to abandon communism!
Castro's Aides: [sigh]
Fidel Castro: I know, I know, I know... but we all knew from day one this mumbo jumbo wouldn't fly! I'll call Washington and tell them they won.
Castro's Aide #1: But presidente, America tried to kill you!
Fidel Castro: Ah, they're not so bad. They even named a street after me in San Francisco!
[Aide #2 whispers into his ear]
Fidel Castro (horrified): It's full of what!?!

Crasp

Real acid?

Crasp

ZE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!!!

Teddy_Picker

Kent Brockman: ...and that fluffy kitten played with that ball of yarn all through the night...(cheerful) On a lighter note a Kwik-e-mart clerk was brutally murdered last night...


Lisa: Dad, we were supposed to do this without help from our parents!
Homer: Lisa, that's orphan talk!


Homer: Oh my god aliens! Nude conspiracies! Lyndon Larouche was right!

allanb49

I am evil homer
I am evil homer

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

You don't win friends with salad

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Burns: Some men hunt for sport,
Others hunt for food,
The only thing I'm hunting for,
Is an outfit that looks good...

See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there's no better,
Than authentic Irish setter.

See this hat, 'twas my cat,
My evening wear - vampire bat,
These white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino.

Grizzly bear underwear,
Turtles' necks, I've got my share,
Beret of poodle, on my noodle
It shall rest,

Try my red robin suit,
It comes one breast or two,
See my vest, see my vest,
See my vest.

Like my loafers? Former gophers -
It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo
Would be best,

So let's prepare these dogs,
Mrs. Potts: Kill two for matching clogs,
Burns: See my vest, see my vest,
Oh please, won't you see my vest

Ourlad

Homer: Oh spiteful one, tell me who to smite and they shall be smoten


Homer: Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids. Eat them

Patri

allanb49 wrote: »

Burns: Some men hunt for sport,
Others hunt for food,
The only thing I'm hunting for,
Is an outfit that looks good...

See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there's no better,
Than authentic Irish setter.

See this hat, 'twas my cat,
My evening wear - vampire bat,
These white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino.

Grizzly bear underwear,
Turtles' necks, I've got my share,
Beret of poodle, on my noodle
It shall rest,

Try my red robin suit,
It comes one breast or two,
See my vest, see my vest,
See my vest.

Like my loafers? Former gophers -
It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo
Would be best,

So let's prepare these dogs,
Mrs. Potts: Kill two for matching clogs,
Burns: See my vest, see my vest,
Oh please, won't you see my vest

I really like the vest!

Patri

Patri wrote: »

I really like the vest!

I gathered, yeah.


(Edit: Woo hoo! This was my 1,000th post!)

allanb49

Deleted User wrote: »

I gathered, yeah.


(Edit: Woo hoo! This was my 1,000th post!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjeVB7Me1yA

Tesco Massacre

Fat Tony: Did you have a nice flight, Johnny Tightlips?
Johnny Tightlips: I ain’t sayin’ nothin’.
Fat Tony: I understand. So how is your mother?
Johnny Tightlips: Whoa, hey, who says I have a mother?

---

*gunshot*
Fat Tony: Johnny Tightlips, can you see the shooter?
Johnny Tightlips: I see a lot of things.
Fat Tony: You know, you could be a little more helpful.

---

Luann: If you want to talk nervous, you should've seen Kirk deal with the high-school kids who egged our Bonneville.
Kirk: Ha. Should've asked them to hurl some bacon. Then maybe I could have had a decent breakfast for once.
(Pause)
Homer: You know what you two need? A little comic strip called "Love Is...". It's about two naked eight-year-olds who are married.

jd007

Mafia man: Johnny Tightlips! are you hurt?
Johnny: I aint saying nothin.
Mafia man: Well, what'll I tell the doctor?
Johnny: Tell him to go suck a lemon.

Say Your Number

Burns: Have the rolling stones killed
Smithers: But sir those...
Burns: Do as i say

KnifeWRENCH

Sideshow Bob:
"Ah the catwalk, the perfect vantage point.....for revenge!"

*takes out a bag of crisps*

"Ah, kettle chips, the perfect side dish.....for revenge!"

ColeTrain

A fellow hands Selma lots of pills and instructs her to give them
to Lisa.

Selma: Thank you, doctor.
Doctor: Oh, I'm not a doctor.

ashyle

Ow! My eye, I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

cian68

just imagine the logistics of weightlessness.
And of course, this could have literally millions of applications here on Earth -- everything from watchmaking to watch repair.

Trog

You took four minutes of my life and I want them back.

Sparks43

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others

the purple tin

Mrs. Winfield- Looks like young Simpson is going to kill himself.
Mr. Winfield- Or Maybe he's just taking his boulder for a walk.

the purple tin

Todd- Daddy, where's Mommy? We miss her.
Ned- Mommy had to go away. She's with God now.
Rod and Todd- Yaaay! Can we go there too?
Ned- Soon enough boys, soon enough.
Rod and Todd- Yaaay!
Bart- He's going to kill Rod and Todd too! Thats horrible...in principle.

Gunsfortoys

Homer- Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use

Poor Uncle Tom

Marge: Ooh, that sounds fabulous, Homer. Stores throw the best parties.

Homer: You like parties, huh? Well, I just remembered they're having a big one down at the waterfront this weekend.

Marge: You didn't remember that. You just saw it on TV.

Homer: The important thing is I didn't imagine it.

Riddle101

Mr Burns: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SHAVE THOSE SIDEBURNS!!!! your off the team

Barney: And I say England's greatest Prime Minster was Lord Palmerston
Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder
Barney: Lord Palmerston
Wade: Pitt the Elder
Barney: Ok you asked for it
*punces wade out*
Moe: Yeah that's showing him barn. Pitt the Elder
Barney: LORD PARLMERSTON
*punches moe out*

sensibleken

Ralph Wiggum - "why do people run away from me" (wets pants)