Dental plan!

Say Your Number

Moe: Uh, Hi, I'm Moe S
Crowd: Hi, Moe
Moe: Yeah, So last night I was closing up the bar, when some young punk comes in and tries to stick me up
Crowd: *gasps*
Sideshow Mel: Whatever did you do Moe?
Moe: Well, It coulda been a real ugly situation, But I managed to shoot him in the spine
Crowd: *applaudes*
Moe: Yeah, I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp! ha ha!

krudler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pqcESS0gRc

Nothing will ever come close to the utter genius of this show in its prime, this clip alone has more laughs in it than an entire season of Two and A Half Men.

Love Homer laughing as MR Burns is poking him in the eye.

note to self: use "you glutinous little doughboy" as an insult more often

krudler

This is cool, seeing the actors doing the voices in real life is great

Say Your Number

Homer: Wait a minute, I forgot to make sure the coast was clear, It's probably clear, Let's go

*Homer screams and drops wheelbarrow full of bowling balls*

Marge: Beer!

Homer: I can explain, Marge, Please let me explain. Oh, why won't you let me explain?

Marge: You're the one the papers have been talking about, that mysterious beer baron who's been supplying Springfield with alcohol,
how have you been getting away with this?

Homer: Well.. And I can explain, remember, I fill the balls with beer I found at the dump then I bowl them in some underground pipes and take them into Moe's

Marge: Homer, Thats very clever

Homer: huh?

Lisa: Mom?

Marge: Well, it is, I've Known your father since high school and this is the cleverest thing he's ever done, besides, he's only breaking a silly 200-year-old law

Homer: It is silly, Marge, And look at all the money I'm making

Lisa: Mom! Prohibition may be unpopular but it's the law and...

All: Go to your room, Lisa!

Captain Darling

This has probably been posted before.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo3vLSoXWw4

Riddle101

GR88 wrote: »

Homer: Wait a minute, I forgot to make sure the coast was clear, It's probably clear, Let's go

*Homer screams and drops wheelbarrow full of bowling balls*

Marge: Beer!

Homer: I can explain, Marge, Please let me explain. Oh, why won't you let me explain?

Marge: You're the one the papers have been talking about, that mysterious beer baron who's been supplying Springfield with alcohol,
how have you been getting away with this?

Homer: Well.. And I can explain, remember, I fill the balls with beer I found at the dump then I bowl them in some underground pipes and take them into Moe's

Marge: Homer, Thats very clever

Homer: huh?

Lisa: Mom?

Marge: Well, it is, I've Known your father since high school and this is the cleverest thing he's ever done, besides, he's only breaking a silly 200-year-old law

Homer: It is silly, Marge, And look at all the money I'm making

Lisa: Mom! Prohibition may be unpopular but it's the law and...

All: Go to your room, Lisa!

Lol that was the best ownage of Lisa I ever saw on an episode of The Simpsons.

Teddy_Picker

From "Rosebud"

Marge: Homer, you need to stop insulting everybody, especially your boss!

Homer: But Marge! The comedy roast is an American tradition! It allows us to criticise our social betters!

Hey Flanders! You smell like manure!

Ned Flanders: Uh oh... better cancel that dinner party tonight! Thanks for the nose news neighbour. ...

---

(same episode)

Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.

Smithers: But sir..

Burns: Do as I say!

---

Homer: Mouldy? Old? I'm gonna get something to eat!

KnifeWRENCH

GR88 wrote: »

Moe: Uh, Hi, I'm Moe S
Crowd: Hi, Moe
Moe: Yeah, So last night I was closing up the bar, when some young punk comes in and tries to stick me up
Crowd: *gasps*
Sideshow Mel: Whatever did you do Moe?
Moe: Well, It coulda been a real ugly situation, But I managed to shoot him in the spine
Crowd: *applaudes*
Moe: Yeah, I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp! ha ha!

"And that's how, with a few minor adjustments, you can turn a regular gun into five guns."

http://www.ravenwoodairsoft.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/moe5guns.jpg

krudler

"Dad, I think that mans an ivory dealer, his boots are ivory, his hat is ivory, and I'm pretty sure that cheque is ivory"
"well honey someone who has lots of ivory is less likely to need it than someone who's ivory supply is running low!"

Galway K9

Captain Darling wrote: »

This has probably been posted before.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo3vLSoXWw4

I love this at end where he asks "can I at least have my shirts back then":D

seafood dunleavy

Homer: "Let's discuss insurance details.I have none."

Wompa1

Homers hear thumping loud so he pulls in to a garage

Homer: "There's a loud thumping from my car"
Mechanic: "That's not your car pal, it's your heart and it sounds like it's on it's last thump"
Homer:"Phew I was thought it was my transmission"

Homer drives off

Little boy: "What's going to happen to that man"
Mechanic: "Do you remember that old Green Cheverolet?"
Little boy: "We're going to sell him to Mr. Nikkopopulous?"
Mechanic: "You're a dumb boy Billy!"

krudler

Its easy to forget just how much heart some of the earlier Simpsons episodes had, this is one of the most poignant moments in the show's history, cant find the actual clip due to Fox taking down everything that isnt in Spanish on youtube, but the still image and the music do the job just fine.

I have something in my eye..

dammitjanet

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel

retalivity

Homer: "People are carrying their own garbage to the kerb.
Did we lose a war?
That's not America, that's not even Mexico!"

sensibleken

Homer - 'Judge a pig beauty compitition? But I'm no super-genius...or are I?'

Sgt Hartman

Homer names the new Springfield Meltdowns stadium

"Duff Beer Krusty Burger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park"

talla10

Hans Moleman; The eating of an orange is a lot like a successful marraige.

Grampa; Just eat the damn oranges!!

---

Bart; Dad the mail lady is here.

Homer; Um...i know theres non point in running because your a mail lady and already know where i live

Mail Lady; Thats right

Homer; Well...I'm still gonna run!!

---

Simpsons at end of long journey..

Marge; Homer did you remember to shut the garage door?

Homer; D'OH!!

Again nearly completing journey..

Marge; Homer when you closed the garage door did you remember to lock the back door?

Homer; D'OH, D'OH!!

3rd time completing journey everyone exhausted

Lisa; Oh no.We left grampa behind at the last gas station.

Homer keeps on driving

Lisa; What about grampa?

Riddle101

Just watched a classic episode today, that was filled with great material.

Bart: Allowance day. Ding ding ding ding
Marge: You don't deserve an allowance
Lisa: Sure we do. Ding ding ding ding
*homer runs through the room*
Homer: Ice cream man! ice cream man!

Marge: I see…no chores, no allowance!
Lisa: That's okay; we get free rent here anyway.
Bart: And Santa provides the rest!
*carnival music starts playing*
Lisa: The carnival!
Bart: We need money fast!
Marge: Well, well, well, looks like somebody’s gonna have to do some yar…
Homer: Its carnival time! Here's money kids, take what you need!
Bart/Lisa: All right, free money!
Homer/Bart/Lisa: Ding, ding, ding…

Homer: Ooh, ooh, I want to see Lobster Boy and Shrimp Girl!
Lisa: I want some fried sugar!
Bart: I want to go to the Yard Work Simulator.
Marge: But when I ask you to do yard work…

Nelson: You wrecked Hitler's car. What did he ever do to you!

Agnes: Well, that's no good!
Skinner: I'm trying, Mother, it's hard.
Agnes: You're FAILING, Seymour. What is about you and FAILURE?

Homer: You better not be in my ass groove!

Galway K9

I love this!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IYNH9XkZ80

"Its your picture on the front! hahahahaha":D

mfdc

Only WHO can prevent forest fires? *click* You pressed "YOU" referring to me, which is incorrect. The correct answer, is YOU!

After Homer banned Bart from seeing the Itchy & Scratchy movie:

Homer: When I was a boy I really wanted a baseball glove, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So, I held my breath til I passed out and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor said I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: *happily* I like stories.

Padkir

I've run out of pie related puns!!:D

Fago!

Homer after crashing the car ...

Agent: Now, before I give you the cheque, one more question. This place "Moe's" you left just before the accident. This is a business of some kind?

Homer's Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night?

Homer: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

Homer's Brain: Heh heh heh. I would've never thought of that.

---

Lisa brings Homer his pudding in the treehouse and tells him to find the thing that only he can give Marge....
Homer: All right, Brain, it's all up to you. If you don't think of what it is, we'll lose Marge forever.

Homer's Brain: Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding
Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding
Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding
Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding
Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding

Homer: OK. But then we gotta get to work. I]pigs out[/I

---

Homer: Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

tjones64

Hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my smells and I like to kiss my own butt!

talla10

Krusty; Excuse me.Can you direct me to the table of the french prime minister.

Waitress; Think your some kind of comedian??

Krusty; 15 Million French men cant be wrong!!

---

Bart; Lisa certain tensions, rivalries, if you will have developed between us. At first i thought we could discuss these problems rationally but insted i just ripped the head of Mr Hunny Bunny

Lisa; Bart Mr Hunny Bunny was your cherished child hood toy.

Bart; AHH!!!Mr Hunny Bunny!!

---

Krusty; Ok How much is this gonna cost me?

Executive; Don't worry Mr K We've rigged the tickets there all events communists never lose

Stage hand hands krusty letter

Krusty; USSR....announce full withdrawl from 1988 olympics...how does this affect our giveaway

Executive; You personally stand to lose $42 million

tjones64

The First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence.

jacksprat

Homer: Greetings friend, are you looking for eternal happiness? Well if so send one dollar to 742 Evergreen Terrace and you shall. Don’t delay, eternal happiness if just a dollar away.
Mr Burns: Eternal happiness for one dollar eh? Hmmm, I’d be happier with the dollar.

Homer: In a way fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs

Mr Burns: What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?

Glico Man

Superintendent Chalmers: “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organised religion.

Duffy the Vampire Slayer

Wiggum: Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun, boys. But, I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.
Homer: And how!
Wiggum: Gee, I hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little uh, understanding here.
Homer: I understand.
Bart: Um, hey dad, I.. I.. think he wants..
Homer: Not now, son. Daddy's talking to a policeman.
Wiggum: Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend, Bill. Have you seen any Bills around here?
Homer: No, he's Bart.
Wiggum: Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, okay?
Homer: Okay.
Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for [wink] is Mr. Bribe. [wink, wink]
Homer: It's a Ring Toss game.
Wiggum: Alright, I'm shutting this game down.

Fago!

Moe: Barney, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?

Barney: Yeah, we all had a good laugh, Moe.

Moe: The results came back today. You owe me 70 billion dollars.

Barney: Mmmph!?

Moe: No, wait wait wait, that's for the Voyager spacecraft. Your tab's 14 billion dollars.

Barney: Uh, alls I got is 2,000 bucks.

Moe: Well, that's halfway there.