Dental plan!

Teddy_Picker

Jasper: Moon pie? What a time to be alive!

---

Reporter: What do you think of Homer Simpson?
Tatum: I think he's a good man, I like him, but I'm definitely going to make orphans of his children.
Reporter: Uh, they have a mother, champ.
Tatum: Yes, but I expect she would die of grief.

thomond2006

When the weight of the world has got you down
and you want to end your life.
Bills to pay, a dead end job and problems with the wife,
But don't throw in the towel,
cause there's a place right down the block,
Where you can drink your misery away,
At Flaming Moe's,
When liquor in a mug
can warm you like a hug.

Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away

Riddle101

Groundkeeper Willie: Hey wolfie. Put then the horderve. It's time for the main course!
*rips shirt off*

Groundskeeper Willie: Don't feel bad. I've been wrestling wolves since you were at your mother's theeth

Groundskeeper: Make way for Willie!!!!
*falls on Supernintendint Chalmers*
I said make way for Willie you bloated gasbag

krudler

Homer lecturing Bart in the episode where he gets caught stealing a video game:

"Stealing! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermons in church? Captain What's-his-name?! We live in a society of laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies?! For fun?! Well I didn't hear anybody laughing. Did you?.... except at that guy who made sound effects. Vroooom. Beeoop. Honkhonk. Heheheh. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze."

Funglegunk

krudler wrote: »

Homer lecturing Bart in the episode where he gets caught stealing a video game:

"Stealing! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermons in church? Captain What's-his-name?! We live in a society of laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies?! For fun?! Well I didn't hear anybody laughing. Did you?.... except at that guy who made sound effects. Vroooom. Beeoop. Honkhonk. Heheheh. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze."

"When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie Police Academy."

I think the Simpsons had it in for Police Academy.

ItsAWindUp

Shut up, Becky!

Vicxas

Homer: Lisa, get in here!

In this house we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!

IvyTheTerrible

Homer: I've had enough of your Vasser-bashing, young lady!

ItsAWindUp

Homer :Marge, prepare the celebration ham.
Marge:All we have left are the earthquake ham and the condolence ham.
Homer:Marge, they're just hams. OK?

jd007

Chief Wiggum: Aim for the big hose coming out of his face

Lou: You mean his trunk?

Chief Wiggum: Easy there college boy!

Teddy_Picker

Marge: Homer! I said no guns at the dinner table!
Homer: You said at the breakfast table!
Marge: IT'S THE SAME TABLE!

---

Nuclear Physics Professor: I see a lot of new faces, but you know the old saying, out with the old, in with the nucleus!

(students laugh, Homer looks around in confusion)

Professor: Now, before we start, whoops...(drops notes)
Homer: AHAHAHAHA! Did you see that jerk? Hahahaha! He dropped his notes! Ahahahahaha!

---

Homer: Mouldy? Old? I'm going to get something to eat!

shrubs

Homer Simpson: Why did I take such punishment? Let's just say that fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug was the drugs.

ascanbe

Homer: Ooh, it's that new show about the policeman who solves crimes in his spare time.
Bart: Crank it Homer..

Police-Chief: You busted up that crack-house pretty bad, McGarnagle..Did you really have to break so much furniture?
McGarnagle: You tell me, Chief..You had a pretty good view from behind your desk..

Homer: Ahhh, McGarnagle..Eases the pain..

Police-Chief: You're off the case, McGarnagle!
McGarnagle: You're off your case, Chief..
Police-Chief: What does that mean, exactly..?

Homer: IT MEANS HE GET RESULTS YOU STUPID CHIEF!!!

Lisa: Dad, sit down..
Homer: Sorry..

That Handsome Devil

Burns: Simpson, turn around.
Homer: No, if I can't see you I can't get in trouble.
Smithers: I'm afraid he's got us there, sir.

krudler

Yes, eat all of our shirts!

krudler

Now heres Larry White
Barry White
No..it says here Larry White
I know my own name
Oh yeah?! we'll see!

Mr Trade In

Hey, you're looking at that spokesjack!
Well I can fantasize too!
Ooh Mama Celeste!
"You touch me and I cut you!",
Paul Newman: Homer, I'll tell you what I told Redford.
It aint gonna happen.

Say Your Number

Groundskeeper Willie: I could ne'er have shot Burns. It's impossible for me to fire a pistol, if you check me medical records, You'll see I have a crippling arthritis in my index fingers. I got it from Space Invaders in 1977
Chief Wiggum: Oh yeah, that was a pretty addictive video game
Groundskeeper Willie: Video game?!

Teddy_Picker

Homer: I've figured out the boy's punishment. First, he's grounded. No leaving the house, not even for school. Second, no egg nog. In fact, no nog, period. And third, absolutely no stealing for three months

Sgt Hartman

Homer drunk in his car: "Remember Homer, you should never drink and drive....wait a minute, I shouldn't follow my own advice, I'm drunk!"

Galway K9

stupid sexy flanders!

IvyTheTerrible

Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all...nothing at all...nothing at all...

Galway K9

Can i play the piano anymore???

IvyTheTerrible

Galway K9 wrote: »

Can i play the piano anymore???

Of course you can!

Wompa1

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

Of course you can!

Well I couldn't before!

Riddle101

From the same episode that inspired this thread.:D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aj5OT3z1VGA

krudler

We salute you, our half inflated dark lord!

TiGeR KiNgS

'The robots of Battlestar Galactica against the Gaaaay robots of Star Wars'

Balfie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCeAQZYKjwc

KnifeWRENCH

Now Lisa, so you won't be scared, I'll show you some of the tools I'll be using. This is the scraper. This is the poker. And this happy little fellow is called the gouger.