Dental plan!

Elba101

RALPH: Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office


RALPH: Ms. Hoover, the movie's over
LISA: Where's Ms. Hoover?
GIRL: Hey, her car is gone
RALPH: Maybe she drove to the moon

Nephinbeg

Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage...when pigs fly!
[They laugh. The Homer's BBQ pig sails across the sky before them.]
Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, Sir?
Burns: Nooo, I'd still prefer not.

Leave them for whom, the Germans?!, the folks who shoot at us all day?! Let's just take them. We'll all be rich…rich as Nazis!

[Mr. Burns looks through a portfolio of his old stocks]
Mr. Burns: Hmm, let's see..."Confederated Slave holdings." How's that one holding up?
Lawyer: It's, uh, steady.

Galway K9

Homer: Its just a little air born, its still good, its still good!

Its just a little dirty, its still good, its still good!

Its just a little moist! Its still good, its still good!

Bart: It's gone.

Homer: I know.

Funglegunk

Bart: Wow Dad, you took a basptismal for me! How do you feel?
Homer: Oh Bartholomew, I feel like St.Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.
Flanders: Wait, Homer. What did you just say?
Homer: I said SHUT YOUR UGLY FACE FLANDERS!

KnifeWRENCH

"La la la la la,
I'm in love with lovely Johnny."

Bart: "This movie you rented sucks."
Homer: "No it doesn't, it's funny! Their clothes are different from my clothes. Look at what they're wearing!"

Acacia

Lionel Hutz: Sideshow Bob, did you rig the election?

Bob: No, I did not.

Hutz, to Bart and Lisa: Kids, help...

Galway K9

Just thought of this one and cant believe i forgot it. Bart fell down the well, bart gets walkie talkie thing for his birthday.

Marge (tucking Maggie into bed): "Good night!"
Maggie: "Mamma!"
Marge (gasps): "Maggie, you talked!!! can you say mama again?!!?!!"
Maggie: "Sorry lady shows over!"

Teddy_Picker

Homer:Stealing, stealing, stealing a car for Moe! Da da da da da da insurance fraud today!


Japanese gameshow host: Your gameshows reward intellect, we punish ignorance!
Homer: Ignor-WHAT?!

sensibleken

The show started out on a wing and a prayer. But now the wing was on fire and the prayer had been answered...by satan

Kanoe

"I am Iron Man! Do do do do do do do vote for me!"

secrecy_ie

sensibleken wrote: »

The show started out on a wing and a prayer. But now the wing was on fire and the prayer had been answered...by satan

Ah, Behind The Laughter - one of the best episodes ever.


Homer: Why did I take so much punishment? Let's just say that fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug was the drugs.



Narrator: Would Willie's fence-mending eggs bear fruit? Or would his olive branch be torn apart by woodpeckers of mistrust? That night, fate wore a cummerbund ... of suspense.

Teddy_Picker

King of the Hill (the episode, not the show :P) has some quality lines

Homer: I only eat food in bar form. When you concentrate food, you unleash its awesome power, I'm told. That's why I'm compressing 5 pounds of spaghetti into one handy mouth-sized bar. (He eats the bar and swallows. He then dials the phone.)… Hospital, please.

Apu: Oh, what will it be Mr. Simpson? Your usual bucket of ice cream covered with minature pies?

Grandpa: I fell eight thousand feet onto a pile of jagged rocks. Of course, folks were tougher in those days. I was jitterbugging that very night. But that skunk McAllister was never seen again.
Homer: If you're trying to scare me, it won't work. I'm 100% focused on my goal. Hey, my hat has ear-flaps.

Macers

Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con

krudler

I was watching season 2 all this week, going waayyy back, and Lisa's Substitute is still one of the best emotionally driven episodes they've ever done, Barts attempt at becoming class president provides the laughs "more asbestos, more asbestos!" and Lisa's story is the heart.
I still think her goodbye to Mr Bergstrom is Yeardly Smith's greatest ever performance of Lisa, a character who I found hard to like in the later seasons but in this you'd want to be made of stone not to find it sad when shes saying goodbye outside the train.

Its actually a perfect episode, and it reminds you of how utterly brilliant the show was at its peak.

Sgt Hartman

Ned Flanders when he cracks up after the house the town built for him falls down.

To Chief Wiggum "Oh, it's the long, flabby arm of the law. The only case you ever gotten to the bottom of was a case of mallowmars!"

Krusty: "Heh heh! Mallowmars, I must write that one down>"
Ned: "Oh if it isn't the clown, your the only person here who doesn't make me laugh!"

Ned to Lenny: "I dont know you but I'm sure you're a jerk!"
Lenny: "Hey what's going on? I only just got here."

Ned to Moe: "You ugly hate-filled man!"
Moe: "Hey I may be ugly and hate -filled but, er, what was the last thing you said again?"

Ned approaches a nervous looking Homer: "Hpmer, you are the worst human being I have EVER met!"

Homer smiling: "Hey I got off lightly."

Valentina

The one where Bart gets an elephant:

Lisa: Mom! Dad! Bart and Stampy are gone!
Marge: Oh my Lord!
Lisa: I bet it's 'cause of that horrible ivory dealer, Dad.
Homer: He took Bart too?! That wasn't part of our deal, Blackheart. That wasn't part!

mackg

All the money I've ever earned I'd give it all away for a little bit more.




Hey fun boys...get a room

mackg

Teddy_Picker wrote: »

King of the Hill (the episode, not the show :P) has some quality lines

Homer: I only eat food in bar form. When you concentrate food, you unleash its awesome power, I'm told. That's why I'm compressing 5 pounds of spaghetti into one handy mouth-sized bar. (He eats the bar and swallows. He then dials the phone.)… Hospital, please.

Apu: Oh, what will it be Mr. Simpson? Your usual bucket of ice cream covered with minature pies?

Grandpa: I fell eight thousand feet onto a pile of jagged rocks. Of course, folks were tougher in those days. I was jitterbugging that very night. But that skunk McAllister was never seen again.
Homer: If you're trying to scare me, it won't work. I'm 100% focused on my goal. Hey, my hat has ear-flaps.

Tell my wife my last thoughts were of her...blinding and torturing Abe Simpson

Valentina

Smithers: I have some sad news to report: a small puppy, not unlike Lassie, was
just run over in the parking lot.
[Audience gasps]
And now it's time for the comedy stylings of Homer Simpson.
Homer: [exaggeratedly loud] Are you ready to laugh?
Man: That poor dog.
Homer: I SAID, are you ready to laugh?
Woman: Quiet, you awful man!

sensibleken

After the Ramones play Burns' birthday

Burns: Have the rolling stones killed
Smithers: but sir I..
Burns: Do as I say!

BopNiblets

Cayman Islands guy: [laughs] I'm sorry, but I cannot divulge
information about that customer's secret illegal
account.
[hangs up]
Oh, crap. I shouldn't have said he was a customer.
Oh, crap. I shouldn't have said it was a secret.
Oh, crap! I certainly shouldn't have said it was
illegal.
[sighs] It's too hot today.

Mr Trade In

Homer bumps into Mr Smithers on rollerskates and wearing pink hot pants.

Homer: "Oh, Mr. Smithers!"

Smithers: (Nervously) "Oh, uh, hello Homer. I, uh, was passing through on my way to the big car convention."

Guys on Tram: "Hey, Waylon!" "Who's the bear!" "Is he that Mr. Burns you're always talking about?"

Smithers: "Shut up Stewert!"

FetchTheGin

Grandpa classic: Not many people know, I owned the first radio in Springfield.
Weren't much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. "A!" he'd say, then "B". "C" would usually follow....

FetchTheGin

Mayor Quimby supports revolving door prisons.

Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob -- a man twice convicted of attempted murder.

Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby? Vote Sideshow Bob for mayor.

Wobbuffet

Hello, I need the largest seed bell you have. (Pause) No, that's too big.

Valentina

Take a bow sugar beet!

McBauer

Hey, a letter from my pen-pal, Anya.

Dear Lisa,

As I write this, I am very sad. Our President has been overthrown and......replaced, by the benevolent General Krull. All hail Krull, and his glorious regime.

Sincerly... little girl.

dagdha

As of this moment Lionel Hutz does'nt exist, say hello to Miguel Sanchez.

krudler

Sgt Hartman wrote: »

Ned Flanders when he cracks up after the house the town built for him falls down.

To Chief Wiggum "Oh, it's the long, flabby arm of the law. The only case you ever gotten to the bottom of was a case of mallowmars!"

Krusty: "Heh heh! Mallowmars, I must write that one down>"
Ned: "Oh if it isn't the clown, your the only person here who doesn't make me laugh!"

Ned to Lenny: "I dont know you but I'm sure you're a jerk!"
Lenny: "Hey what's going on? I only just got here."

Ned to Moe: "You ugly hate-filled man!"
Moe: "Hey I may be ugly and hate -filled but, er, what was the last thing you said again?"

Ned approaches a nervous looking Homer: "Hpmer, you are the worst human being I have EVER met!"

Homer smiling: "Hey I got off lightly."

I love Ned going crazy

"calllmmmm downnnn Neddily-iddly-diddly, did their best shoddily-iddily-diddly!"

"this is the only room with electricity, only it has too much of it, so I dunno, you might want to wear a hat"

Otis Driftwood

Homer : MUST KILL MOE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE