Dental plan!

Dunny

Groundskeeper Willie: I could ne'er have shot Burns. It's impossible for me to fire a pistol If you check me medical records, you'll see I have a crippling arthritis in me index fingers.
I]holds up his fingers, which are misshapen[/I
Groundskeeper Willie: I got it from space invaders in 1977.
Chief Wiggum: Oh yeah, that was a pretty addictive video game.
Groundskeeper Willie: Video game?!

---

Groundskeeper Willie: Lunchlady Doris, do you have any grease?
Lunchlady Doris: Yes. Yes we do.
Groundskeeper Willie: I]rips open his shirt[/I Then grease me up woman!
Lunchlady Doris: Okey dokey.

---

Groundskeeper Willie: I]Homer, Bart and Lisa are tied up in a dark room with only a small dim light on[/I Oh, you're gonna break like matchsticks, I promise you that.
Ned Flanders: I]coming through the door, turns on the big light[/I Hey, I made some Rice Krispies Squares for our hungry deprogram-erinos.
Groundskeeper Willie: Oh, man! You ruined the atmosphere, you daft pansy!
Ned Flanders: Well, this is my rumpus room.
Groundskeeper Willie: Don't call it that!

the purple tin

"Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is...No."

foxyboxer

the purple tin wrote: »

"Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is...No."

Does anyone want to switch seats?

windowlean

We work hard, we play hard..*Everybody dance now!*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icIwKaci3MI

ryaner777

Prob been said a million time but one of my favourites

Nelson, Ralph, and Martin watch a man paint black patches on a white
horse.

Martin: Uh, Sir, why don't you just use real cows?
Painter: Cows don't look like cows on film. You gotta use horses.
Ralph: What do you do if you want something that looks like a horse?
Painter: Ehh, usually we just tape a bunch of cats together.

Glico Man

Police officer: Batman, how did you ever escape?
Batman: Fortunately, I always carry my carousel reversal spray
Krusty as Clownface: Ugh, what don't you have in that belt?
Batman: Patience... for harlequinned hoodlums like yourself

from the same episode,

Marge accidentally got breast implants

Marge: You can't call breast implants a minor misunderstanding.
Plastic Surgeon: Look, Mrs. Simpson, if you want, you can come back in 48 hours, and I'll remove them.
Marge: You better. If not, my husbands gonna come back here, and do some malpractice on your face.
Plastic Surgeon:Oh, yes, your husband. I'm sure he'll be furious.

Jordan 199

"If it's clear and yella, you got juice there fella! If it's tangy and brown you're in cider town.

Now there's two exceptions and it gets kinda tricky here..."

-Ned Flanders

Funglegunk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VM5-xFenaZI

Valentina

Vicki: I'm sorry Lisa, but giving everyone an equal part when they're clearly not equal is called what, again class?
Class: Communism!

Dudess

Suspect is hatless! Repeat: hatless!

some random drunk

Dudess wrote: »

Suspect is hatless! Repeat: hatless!

I can't wait 'til they throw his hatless butt in jail!

jaffacakesyum

Homer: I mean what kind of girl gets knocked up before she's even married!!
Marge: I DID!!
Homer: I mean ehh...in this day and age, when the link between sex and pregnancy has been proven!!

Creature

foxyboxer wrote: »

Does anyone want to switch seats?

Leonard Nimoy: Well my work is done here.

Barney: What do you mean your work is done, you didn't do anything.

Leonard Nimoy: Didn't I? *Gets beamed up*

Jordan 199

Ashley Grant: Hmm. Homer I thought you were an animal, but your daughter said you were a decent man. I guess she was right.

Homer: You're both right.


Godfrey Jones: Tonight on "Rock Bottom" we go undercover at a sex farm for sex hookers.

Farmer: I keep telling you, I just grow sorghum here.

Voice: Uh huh, and where are the hookers?

Farmer: Round back...oops.

SoTek72

Bart: Oh, it's no use I'm never gonna find that tree,
this whole raid was a useless as that yellow lemon shaped rock over there.

Wait a minute, there's a lemon behind that rock

Reamer Fanny

That's a paddling

Riddle101

justryan wrote: »

That's a paddling

Oh you better believe that's a paddling.

Susie_Q

Rod, you've got small girlish hands. Why don't you reach in there and see... what it is.

talla10

Skinner; Hmm thats two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie you better remove all the coloured chalk from the class rooms

Willie; I warned ya' Skinner!!! Didnt i warn ya???

==============

Burns ; Ok its bribetime. You can either have this lovely ready made kitchen where Smithers is standing or trade it all for 'Whats in the Box?'

Health Inspector; The box!!THE BOX!!

==============

Smithers; The next team in Lenny and....Carl.

Carl; Ah nuts. No i mean...ah nuts

Snake Pliisken

[on TV] Next, on "McGonigle", McGonigle is framed for a crime he didn't commit. And only one person can clear his name: a little sissy boy who's too scared to come forward.

McGonigle: You gotta tell 'em what you saw, Billy.

Billy: But I'm so scared, McGonigle.

McGonigle: You gotta do this one for me, Billy: McGonigle.

Billy: Well, OK. For you, McGonigle.

--Later--

Chief: Well, McGonigle, Billy is dead. They slit is throat from ear to ear.

McGonigle: Hey! I'm trying to eat lunch here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pD-LB9z6nxg

foxyboxer

Snake Pliisken wrote: »

[on TV] Next, on "McGonigle", McGonigle is framed for a crime he didn't commit. And only one person can clear his name: a little sissy boy who's too scared to come forward.

McGonigle: You gotta tell 'em what you saw, Billy.

Billy: But I'm so scared, McGonigle.

McGonigle: You gotta do this one for me, Billy: McGonigle.

Billy: Well, OK. For you, McGonigle.

--Later--

Chief: Well, McGonigle, Billy is dead. They slit is throat from ear to ear.

McGonigle: Hey! I'm trying to eat lunch here.

You're off the case McGarnagle!

You're off your case chief!

What does that even mean?

cdb

Owner: [sweeping a bunch of toads out] Get out, get out! Shoo, shoo. Get out of here, yuck! These bloody things are everywhere. They're in the lift, in the lorry, in the bond wizard, and all over the malonga gilderchuck.

Clerk: They're like kangaroos, but they're reptiles, they is.

Marge: We have them in America. They're called bullfrogs.

Clerk: What? That's an odd name. I'd have called them "chazzwazzers".

Jordan 199

foxyboxer wrote: »

You're off the case McGarnagle!

You're off your case chief!

What does that even mean?

It means that he gets results!

Professey Chin

Jordan 191 wrote: »

It means that he gets results!

Homer sit down

ItsAWindUp

Bruno: Nine hundred dollary-doos? Tobias! Did you accept a six hour collect call from the States?

Tobias: It was an emergency call from the International Drainage Commission in Springfield.

Bruno: Oh my God! There's nothing wrong with the bidet, is there?

Herrick

Marge trying to order coffee when the Simpsons visit Australia:

Marge: I would just like a cup of coffee.
Bartender: Beer it is.
Marge: No, coffee.
Bartender: Beer?
Marge: Coff-ee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: C-o . . .
Bartender: B-e .

the purple tin

Rev Lovejoy: This so called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools.
Now let us say the lord's prayer forty times, but first let's pass the collection plate.

CoolHat

Bad cops, bad cops
Bad cops, bad cops
Springfield cops are on the take
But what do you expect for the money we make?
Whether in a car or on a horse
We don`t mind using excessive force
Bad cops, bad cops
Bad cops, bad cops

Dunny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xqghpm4gXf4

Hank_Jones

Homer: Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Homer: If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

Homer: Remember your Hippopotamus oath!