Dental plan!

ShooterSF

Smithers: "Each two-man team will work its way through the wilderness to a cabin hidden somewhere on this mountain. The routes are treacherous, so use your maps."
Homer (raises his hand): "Uhh, I lost my map."
Smithers: "You haven't been issued a map, yet."

---

Lisa: We'll help you.
Bart: I have a watch with a minute hand.
Smithers: [sighs] All right, you can come. What time is it?
Bart: 12:80. No wait. Wait. Wh-what comes after 12?
Smithers: One.
Bart: No, after twelve!
Smithers: [groan]

the purple tin

Ralph: Wait mister. You're drinking a candle! you don't want to get wax in your mouth, do you?

Homer: Maybe I do son. Maaaybe I do.

AlmightyCushion

the purple tin wrote: »

Ralph: Wait mister. You're drinking a candle! you don't want to get wax in your mouth, do you?

Homer: Maybe I do son. Maaaybe I do.

Actually, that reminds me. Did any one else realise that Johnny Cash done the voice for the space coyote? I only realised that recently.

Galway K9

"Homer simpson is a loser, and i think he is a boozer!"

Professey Chin

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Actually, that reminds me. Did any one else realise that Johnny Cash done the voice for the space coyote? I only realised that recently.

Homer: "That desert was just this sand trap. And the pyramid was just the pro-shop! And that talking coyote was just that talking dog."
Dog: "Hi Homer. Find your soul-mate!"
Homer: "Wait a minute?Talking Dog?!"
/Dog barks
Homer: "Damn straight!"

Skylinehead

CoolHat wrote: »

Bad cops, bad cops
Bad cops, bad cops
Springfield cops are on the take
But what do you expect for the money we make?
Whether in a car or on a horse
We don`t mind using excessive force
Bad cops, bad cops
Bad cops, bad cops

This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB on a male suspect driving a....car, of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless, repeat hatless!

TheBegotten

Homer: Helping kids gives me a high only Morphine can top........DO YOU GOT ANY?
Dr.Hibbert: Hehehe. Oh Homer, always with the Morphine. *injects*

Glico Man

Chief Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
FBI Guy: That's Homer J Simpson, chief. You're reading it upside down.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
FBI Guy: Uh, chief, you're talking into your wallet.

talla10

Marge; But my husband isn't crazy! If you just spoke to him for just a few minutes without mentioning our son Bart you would realize that.

Doctor; Oh my God!! There really is a Bart??!

=========

Bart; Look behind you Radioactive man! The sun is exploding again.

Homer; Who is Bart talking to? Marge do you have other men in this house? Radioactive men??

=========

Lisa; Dad you really think you can get back our Dental plan?

Homer;Well that depends on who is a better negiotater me or Mr Burns.

Bart; Dad ill swap you this delicious door stop for your crummy old danish.

Homer; Done and Done.....D'OH!!

the purple tin

Krusty: Now, why do they call this a Urine Monkey...uh! I just found out.

Ralph: My parents wont let me use scissors.
[class laughs at him]

Miss Hoover: The children are right to laugh at you, Ralph. These things couldn't cut butter. Now... take out your Red Crayons.

Ralph: Miss Hoover. I don't have a red crayon.

Miss Hoover: Why not?

Ralph: I ate it.

Padkir

talla10 wrote: »

Skinner; Hmm thats two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie you better remove all the coloured chalk from the class rooms

Willie; I warned ya' Skinner!!! Didnt i warn ya???

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9B-r3ASxdck

For Forks Sake

Homer: So I notice your home smells of Faeces..
Joan: Yes...
Homer: And not just monkey faeces either..
Joan: Could we talk about something else?

For Forks Sake

Lisa: Okay, how do you address an archbishop?
Willie: I'll kill ya! I'll kill ya for what ye done to me!

Fowler87

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9p1eir9jzQ

CapriSunFun

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozIp-tvw1Qs

KnifeWRENCH

*Bart rings the police*

Voice on phone: "Hello and welcome to the Springfield Police Department Rescue Phone. If you know the name of the felony being committed, press one. To choose from a list of felonies, press two. If you are being murdered or calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line...."

*Bart punches sequence of numbers*

Voice on phone: "You have selected REGICIDE. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press one."

mfdc

Flanders: Oh no, what have I done... I've killed her!
Bart: There's gotta be some other explanation for this...
Flanders: I wish there was some other explanation for this, but there isn't! I'm a murder, I'm a murderer!!
Bart: Then that's not the real Ned Flanders!
Flanders: I'M A MUR-DIDDLY-URDERER!
Bart: If that's not Flanders, he's done his homework...

CapriSunFun

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cFrCLjcaZM

Jordan 199

Lisa: No Dad! Please don't pawn the TV!

Bart: Aw, c'mon Dad - anything but that!

Marge: Homer, couldn't we pawn my engagement ring instead?

Homer: Now I appreciate that honey, but we need one hundred and fifty dollars here.

_______

Homer: I'm sorry Marge but sometimes I think we're the worst family in town,

Marge: Maybe we should move to a larger community.

krudler

Maybe its the beer talking Marge but you got a butt that won't quit, they got these big chewy pretzels here that hurrrawhurhurrrrr five dollars?! get out of here...

GLaDOS

I love how this thread is still able to make me laugh

Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing?

the purple tin

Director: Your brother could be anywhere. Even ... Detroit.

Homer: I know he could be anywhere,
that's why I want you to narrow it down! Please!

Director: You know, Mr. Simpson, if you ask me, the city of
brotherly love isn't Philadelphia, it's DETROIT!

Homer: Well, if you asked me, changing the subject makes you the
most worthless, heartless excuse for a human being I ever...

Director: Read between the lines, Mr. Simpson!

Homer: OHHH, I get it! Okay. Here's twenty bucks. Now will you
tell me where my brother lives?

CapriSunFun

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3ZoHhvQgjU

IvyTheTerrible

CapriSunFun wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3ZoHhvQgjU

These goggles, they do nothing!

Galway K9

I just saw this episode last nigth and def a very funny episode and cant believe i never mentioned this line before.

The episode where homer is a mattress sales person and sells rev. LoveJoy his bed cause their sex problems.

Rev. Lovejoy and Mrs Lovejoy arrive up to their house, randy as can be.

Rev Lovejoy: You put on the Michael Bolton CD and ill put on the edible vestments!!!


What a classic line!

Funglegunk

Galway K9 wrote: »

Rev Lovejoy: You put on the Michael Bolton CD and ill put on the edible vests!!!


What a classic line!

I think the line is actually 'vestments'.

the purple tin

Burns: Listen, Senor Spielbergo, I want you to do for me what Spielberg did for Oskar Schindler.

Spielbergo: Er, Schindler es bueno. Señor Burns es el diablo.

Burns: Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod: We're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked dammit! Now go out there and win me that festival!

dan1895

You can call them Whitey whackers!

cml387

The Simpsons are interviewing a new nanny.


Shary: Hello, I'm Shary Bobbins.
Homer: Did you say Mary Po...
Shary: No, I definitely did not. I'm an original creation, like Rickey
Rouse, or Monald Muck.



Bart: Pop quiz, hotshot. I'm supposed to be doing my homework, but you
find me upstairs reading a Playdude. What do you do? What DO
you do?
Shary: I make you read every article in that magazine, including Norman
Mailer's latest clap-trap about his waning libido.
Homer: Ooh. She is tough

Jordan 199

Neddie F: Heydilly-ho! Welcome to your new home neglect-areenos!

Homer: We leave you with the kids for 3 hours and the county takes them away?!

Grampa: Oh bitch bitch bitch.