Dental plan!

ItsAWindUp

Bart: So what are you in here for?

Kid: I moved here from Canada, and they think I'm slow, ehhhhhhhhhhh.

corblimey

Woman: And here are your VIP badges. These will get into place regular tourists never get to see
Homer: Oh, miss! What does the "I" stand for?
Woman: Um... "Important"
Homer: Oh, okay. What about the "V"?
Woman: "Very"
Homer: Miss, just one more qu...
Woman: "Person"
Homer: Uh-huh. ...What does the "I" stand for again?

the purple tin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHjhP07HyAs

jacksprat

Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to pass me the syrup.
Marge: Ahh, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunking your sausages in that syrup, Homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself; you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly, I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case!
Bart: Uh, Dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room!

cosmicfart

Old Jewish Man: Old gray mare she ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be.
Announcer: And now, the old man dancers!
Old Men: Old gray mare she ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be.

cosmicfart

Abe: He was right under my nose the whole time. He lives in my retirement home. His name is Malloy.
Lisa: Wow! How'd you track him down, Grampa?
Abe: Good question! On one of my frequent trips to the ground, I noticed Malloy wore sneakers...for sneaking. My next clue came yesterday at the museum. We felt slighted by your age-bashing, and started home. Malloy said, "I'll catch up with you."
[Malloy shoots a rope over the building]
I couldn't quite put my finger on it. There was something strange about the way he walked -- much more vertical than usual. And finally, Malloy, unlike most retired people, has the world's largest cubic zirconia on his coffee table.

Jordan 199

Sting: There's a hole in my heart/As deep as a well/For that poor little boy/Who's stuck halfway to hell...

Sideshow Mel: ...Though we can't get him out/We'll do the next best thing...

McBain: ...we'll go on tv and sing, sing, sing...

Choir: And were sending our love down the well!

Krusty: All the way down!

Choir: Were sending our love down the well!

Krusty: Down that well!

Goldcupfav

Homer: Do you want to change your name to Homer, Junior? The kids can call you Ho-Ju!

Bart: [appropriate pause] I'll get back to you

Funglegunk

Bart: Gotta change that answering machine tape, oh God I gotta change that tape!

Homer (driving with head out car window): Gotta change Maggie, oh dear God we gotta change Maggie!

FetchTheGin

Brilliant newspaper headlines.

Brendog

Screamville...

"Ooo Ice-cream ville!"

"No, screamville."

"AAHHHH!!!"

Brendog

"Quiet Marge! I'm trying to secure our financial independence. "

"With grease?"

"No! Through savings and wise investments. OF COURSE WITH GREASE!!"

Brendog

"Ok, 4 pounds of grease. Minus service charge and tax. Comes to 63 cents"

"WooHoo!!"

"Dad all that bacon cost $27"

"yeah ...hehe...but your mom paid for that!"

"Doesn't she get her money from you??"

"and I get my money from grease. Whats the problem?"

Jordan 199

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

Bart: So what are you in here for?

Kid: I moved here from Canada, and they think I'm slow, ehhhhhhhhhhh.

I think that kid is a also a self confessed pyromaniac

IvyTheTerrible

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women!

sensibleken

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women!

"where did you get the sugar for that tea"

"I knicked it. when yu let your guard down for that split second. and ill do it again *sips* good day!"

IvyTheTerrible

sensibleken wrote: »

"where did you get the sugar for that tea"

"I knicked it. when yu let your guard down for that split second. and ill do it again *sips* good day!"

Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?

Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"

corblimey

Brendog wrote: »

"Ok, 4 pounds of grease. Minus service charge and tax. Comes to 63 cents"

"WooHoo!!"

"Dad all that bacon cost $27"

"yeah ...hehe...but your mom paid for that!"

"Doesn't she get her money from you??"

"and I get my money from grease. Whats the problem?"

Homer: Marge, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence
Marge: With cans of used grease?
Homer: No, through savings and wise investments! Of course with grease!

the purple tin

A special bulletin, the Lincoln Squirrel has been assassinated!
We'll stay with the story all night if we have to.

padd b1975

"As much as I hate that guy right now, ya gotta love that suit."

garyc1987

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rnYsNttrnE

ShooterSF

An awesome tribute to the man that gave us a lot of these often repeated quotes. Fantastic fan video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJRBQRwg1pI

(Hope it hasn't been posted, just found it today)

padd b1975

"I think we can trust the president of Cuba!"

padd b1975

"He actually wrote diddely"

jacksprat

Bart: "And now, I am going to teach some kids a lesson...""
Marge: "I choose to take that literally."
Homer: "Yes, Bart's a tutor now. Toot on, son, toot on!"

HalloweenJack

Homer: And now we play the waiting game... [pauses for three seconds] Ah, the waiting game sucks, let's play Hungry, Hungry Hippos instead.

Hockney

FetchTheGin wrote: »

Love the twitch at the end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPIeTzils7E

"No old people, they aren't covered by our insurance".

Dude you did NOT smile, we eat for free!

Jordan 199

Flanders: Howdily-doodily there, President Bush-or should I say President Neighbor! I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod and Todd.

George Bush: And howdily-doodily yourself there, Ned. This is my wife Barbara. I call her Bar. 'Dja like some lemonade?

Flanders: Tip-top-notch!

George Bush: Okily-dokily!

Flanders: Thankily-dankily! Greatalicious!

George Bush: Scrumpdiddlerific!

George Bush and Flanders: Fine and dandy! Like sour candy!

Dunny

Hank Scorpio: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank Scorpio: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank Scorpio: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district!
Hank Scorpio: That's right.

padd b1975

We're here, we're queer!

We don't want anymore bears!