Dental plan!

Jordan 199

Herman: When Nelson leaves the Kwik-E-Mart, we start the saturation bombing. You got the water baloons?

Bart: Two hundred rounds, sir. Is it okay if they say "Happy Birthday" on the side?

Herman: Well, I'd rather they say "Death from Above," but I guess we're stuck.

Witcher

Willie trying to get Bart and Lisa to leave a cult

Groundskeeper Willie: Oh, you're gonna break like matchsticks, I promise you that.
Flanders: Hey, I made some Rice Krispies Squares for our hungry deprogram-erinos.
Groundskeeper Willie: Oh, man! You ruined the atmosphere, you daft pansy!
Flanders: Well, this is my rumpus room.
Groundskeeper Willie: Don't call it that!

FetchTheGin

Groundskeeper Willie: If elected mayor, my first act will be to kill the lot of ya, and burn yer town to cinders!

(A man whispers something into his ear.)

Groundskeeper Willie: I know it's on!

Jordan 199

Lisa: Dad, I don't understand. What is she saying you did?

Homer: Well, Lisa, remember that postcard Grampa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bum?

Bart: Oh yeah. That was brilliant.

Homer: That's right, we alll thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.

Bart: And the dog in the coppertone ad? Same deal, dad?

Homer: Well that's kind of a gray area.

Jordan 199

"Hail to the bus driver
Bus driver man
He steps on the clutch
And the toilet goes flush
Hail to the bus driver
Bus driver man."

wtgorilla

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Tip of a claw hammer= problem solved!

Get an Irish dentist. That is something bad and not good.

Killinator

Homer (to Lisa): "..in this house we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!!!"

Hockney

Moe:

Hello, uh, I'd like to arrange for an escort, please?

TO WHERE?

How about ORGASM-VILLE, ya dumb... hey, hello? Hello?

the purple tin

Martin: In a sample taken in this very classroom,
a state inspector found 1.74 parts per million of asbestos!!!

Bart: That's not enough! We demand MORE asbestos!
[starts the class chanting] MORE ASBESTOS! MORE ASBESTOS!

Jordan 199

Homer: Oh, Lisa, there's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield.

Lisa: Yes, but the records only go back to 1978, when the Hall of Records was mysteriously blown away!

paddy kerins

Captain Tenille: Any questions?
Homer: Is a poop deck what I think it is?
Captain Tenille: [laughing] I like the cut of your jib.
Homer: What's a jib?
Captain Tenille: Promote that man at once.



Homer: Damage report, Mr. Moe.
Moe: Sonar: out. Navigation: out. Radio: out.
Homer: Enough of what's out. What's in?
Moe: Ice-blended moccha drinks and David Schwimmer.
Homer: Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way

corblimey

Kent: Kent Brockman here for a follow-up with Springfield's favorite hard-luck family, the Simpsons. Folks, any words for the Christmas thief if he's watching?
Homer: Eh, yes, Kent. Uh, hello... jerk. We may never find you, and we should probably all stop looking. But one thing's for sure, you do exist
Kent: Strong words, strong bewildering words.

Funglegunk

Bart: Hey Dad, how come you're wearing a tuxedo?
Homer: Goin to that fancy waterfront party tomorrow.
Bart: Why are you wearing it now?
Homer: Well it's like a rent-a-car son: you get all the mileage you can, then ball it up and cram it through the mail slot.

Jordan 199

A liberty bell...another liberty bell...woohoo, 3 liberty bells!

Morlar

'Up and atom'
'UP And At Them'.

'Up and atom'
'UP And At Them'.

'Up and atom'
'UP And At Them'.

Better.

reap-a-rat

Mr. Burns: If you had it, then I wouldn't have it. You see the difficulty.

padd b1975

"Uh O spaghettios!"

"And thats the end of that chapter."

Noo

Its takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

Jordan 199

Welfare worker: Marge, you tested positive for Crack and PCP.

Marge: The only thing i'm high on is LSD, Love for Son and Daughters.

Glico Man

If word gets out about this, Crazy Clown Airlines will be a laughing stock.

Lady von Purple

Monorail!.jpg

"What did you see?"
"Nothing incriminating!"
"Well good.... Good...."

coonecb1

Homer finishes placing advertising flyers on every car in the parking lot,
only to have them blown away by a gust of wind. He spots Barney dressed in nothing but a baby bonnet and diapers trying to hand out flyers for '`Lullabuy$'', a baby store.

He muses, ``Well, at least I can't sink any lower.'' His diaper blows away. Barney runs naked down the street in pursuit. Upon turning the corner, he says, ``Hi, Ma!''

paddy kerins

Lady von Purple wrote: »

Monorail!.jpg

"What did you see?"
"Nothing incriminating!"
"Well good.... Good...."

There he is! Seat 32F

Jordan 199

Ned: I attacked all my friends and neighbours just for trying to help me. I'd like to commit myself.

Nurse: Very well, shall I show you to your room, or would you prefer to be dragged off kicking and screaming?

Ned: Ooh. Kicking and screaming, please.

qwerty93

Chief Wiggum: Bake em away Toys

Say Your Number

Marge: Lisa, stop blowing my sex! I mean stop blowing your sax, your sax, stop it

Herrick

Fidel Castro: Comrads, our nation is completely bankrupt! We have no choice but to abandon communism!

Castro's Associates: [sigh]

Fidel Castro: I know, I know, I know... but we all knew from day one this mumbo jumbo wouldn't fly! I'll call Washington and tell them they won.

Castro's Aide: But presidente, America tried to kill you!

Fidel Castro: Ah, they're not so bad. They even named a street after me in San Francisco!

[Aide whispers into his ear]

Fidel Castro: It's full of what?!

dilbert2

J. Marston

This thread is always good for a laugh.

Homer: ''Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.''

Captain Graphite

FINALLY found this clip online. It's become an in-joke between me and a friend of mine!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeOOA9-lL-4