Dental plan!

the purple tin

Marge: I think the money should be spent on something the whole town can be proud of.

Homer: Like a giant billboard that says "NO FAT CHICKS"

Deus Ex Machina

After Homer and Bart defeat the Sumo wrestler in Japan:

Emperor: "Congratulations, I am the Emperor."

Homer: "Yeah? And I'm clobbersaurus!" (Picks him up and throws him in a bin marked Sumo thongs.)

talla10

Wiggum; Ok boys i'll let all of you out of prison to watch my team play hockey only if you promise to come straight back to your cells.

Snake; Sorry copper but we can't make that promise.

Wiggum;Ok i'll sweeten the deal. You dont have to come back but you have to promise not to break the law.

Snake; No.

Wiggum; Ill take that as a yes.

blindpilot

"Father McGrath I thought you were dead"

"I was!!"

Season 2 when Lisa has the mumps

Jordan 199

You don't win friends with salad, you don't win friends with salad...

Susie_Q

Marge, it's 3am! Shouldn't you be baking?

Miss Olenska

Brendog wrote: »

27!

NothingMan wrote: »

Love that one!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wF037gX5asU

I love it too. Laughed so hard the first time I saw it.

paddy kerins

I wanna shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I wanna explore the world. I wanna watch TV in a different time zone. I wanna visit strange, exotic malls. I'm sick of eating hoagies. I want a grinder, a sub, a foot-long hero. I want to LIVE, Marge. Won't you let me live? Won't you, please?


Air Hostess: Attention passengers, due to our policy of over-selling flights, this flight has been oversold

RoyalMarine

Amy: I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail.
Scruffy: Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the terlet. Course, it's shank or be shanked.
Amy: [crying] Of course.

i missed the point.

paddy kerins

RoyalMarine wrote: »

Amy: I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail.
Scruffy: Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the terlet. Course, it's shank or be shanked.
Amy: [crying] Of course.

i missed the point.

It's a beige alert!!

Sam Vimes

RoyalMarine wrote: »

i missed the point.

second

Sam Vimes

paddy kerins wrote: »

RoyalMarine wrote: »

Amy: I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail.
Scruffy: Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the terlet. Course, it's shank or be shanked.
Amy: [crying] Of course.

i missed the point.

It's a beige alert!!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrg3d293di1qzbngjo1_500.png

Nephinbeg

(Springfield Elementary Toilet)

Nelson: These are study aids. They're for novelty purposes only. If a few bad apples use them for cheating, I can't be held responsible.

Lisa: Forget it, I'd rather get a zero.

Willy (arm down toilet): Good fer you lass, I got me a zero once and ma' life turned oot just fine. Och, woa-ho, that's a nasty clog. Ooooo ye've got yourself a partner have ye ?

Lisa (grabbing answer sheet from Nelson): Keep the change.

Willy (gleefully plunging arms into toilet): Come here ye slippery rascals !

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Sam Vimes wrote: »

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrg3d293di1qzbngjo1_500.png

If we're going down that road:

"Qif, in the game of chess, you must never let your opponent see your pieces."

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

...back on topic.

Homer - I know you feel sad honey.
Lisa - uh-huh.
Homer - And I know it hurts when you lose someone you love.
Lisa - Yeah...
Homer - It's like the time that your cat Snowball got run over. Remember, honey?
Lisa - Yeah...
Homer - Well, what I'm saying is all we have to do is go down to the pound and get a new jazzman

Jordan 199

Homer stands on one foot, touching his noes with his eyes closed.

Homer: "W, X, Y & Z/Now I know my ABC's/ (switches to other foot) Won't you come and play with me?"

Eddie: Flawless.

Lou: We would have also accepted "Tell me what you think of me."

Brendog

Ew you like the monkees? You know they don't write their own songs!

They do so!

They don't even play their own instruments.

no! no!

Thats not even Michael Nesmith's real hat.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

qwerty93

Bart Befriends a Muslim Boy



Homer: "Milhouse is looking good. Got contacts, darker color, has a new catchphrase..."

Claasman

The
Fantabulous Contraption of Professor
Horatio Hufnagel...

Sam Vimes

Professor Frink, Professor Frink, 
He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think,
He likes to run, and then the thing,
with the... person... Oh boy, that monkey is going to pay

corblimey

If it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government, and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that

Volvagia

Shopkeeper: [Homer has agreed to purchase a Krusty doll for Bart's birthday] Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Ooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good.
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings.
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled]
Shopkeeper: ...That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

keano_afc

Pierce_1991 wrote: »

Hank Scorpio: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank Scorpio: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank Scorpio: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district!
Hank Scorpio: That's right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VX4Lpf-xdg

Every 3 months or so we have a company that come in to clean our computers. Guy who organizes them is the spit of Hank Scorpio. Little red beard and all. Me and one of the other guys in the office just throw back Scorpio quotes to each other when he's in.

Jordan 199

Homer: Well it's time to go to work.

Homer's brain: Little do they know, I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tiur.

Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.

Homer's brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing. Well off to the plant!

Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery!

Homer's brain: Uh, oh! Did I just say that or just think it?

Homer: I gotta think of a line, fast!

Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?

Homer: Aaaauuuggh!!

Nephinbeg

"'If the plant ye wish to flee, go to Sector 7B.'"

*Giant tarantula blocks the way*

"'To overcome the spider's curse, simply quote a Bible verse.' Um...thou shalt...not..." *kills spider with a rock*

That_Guy

Homer: Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax.

Lisa: That's the home owner tax.

Seans_Username

Milhouse's Dad: I sleep in a racing car, do you?

Homer: I sleep in a big bed with my wife...

Milhouse's Dad: ....oh....yeah...

paddy kerins

Marge, we're going out. If we don't come back, avenge our deaths!

That_Guy

"Look Big Daddy, it's regular daddy"

Witcher

Homer: Will you excuse us, Milton?
Milhouse: It's Mil-house.
Homer: Yeah and your father's no-house. Now scram!