Dental plan!

Sam Vimes

I'm cold and there are wolves after me

Jordan 199

Leopold to the school children: All right, you, listen up, you little freaks the fun stops here. You're gonna have to shut your stinking traps and behave, dammit. This is one substitute you're not gonna screw with.... Marge Simpson!

Jordan 199

Selma: That MacGyver's a genius.

Sideshow Bob: First of all he's not a genius, he's an actor. And second, he's not much of an actor.

Selma: You're lying! You're lying!

Sideshow Bob: No Selma, this is lying: that was a well plotted piece of non-claptrap that never made me want to retch.

corblimey

Implied, Lisa? Or implode?

dan1895

STELLA!!!!

STELLA!!!!

Can't ya hear me yella'

You're putting me through hella

STELLA!!!!!!!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Mr Simpson, how about lunch - you like Thai?
Tie good - you like shirt?

jd007

"Moon Pie" What a time to be alive!

Jordan 199

Principal Dondelinger: Now, I'm, uh, going to burn this donut to show you how many calories it has.

Homer: Nooooo!

Principal Dondelinger: The bright blue flame indicates this was a particularly sweet donut.

Homer: [sobbing] This is not happening! This is not happening!

derfderf

dominiquecruz wrote: »

Larry brings Homer to eat at Burns' mansion -

Mr. Burns: Does your son bring home nitwits and make you talk to them?
Homer: Oh, all the time! Have you ever heard of this kid Milhouse? He's a little weiner..

Homer:(disguised voice) Mr Burns, do you miss your son?
Burns: yes yes, i'm missing one son.

foxyboxer

Homer: OK, Marge, if anyone asks, you require twenty four hour nursing care,
Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people, and Bart was wounded in
Vietnam!
Bart: Cool!

the purple tin

Bart: Whacking Day is a sham. It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.

Old Irishman: Tis true. I took many a lump, but twas all in good fun.

Jordan 199

Reporter: Uh, question for the barbecue chef: Don't you think there's an inherent danger in sending underqualified civilians into space?

Homer: I'll field this one. The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. [Homer thinks for a minute and realizes something.]

Homer: Wait a minute, Statue of Liberty - that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you to hell!

cml387

Bart: If you really wanted us to be neater, you'd serve us out of one long bowl.
Marge: You're talking about a trough. We're not going to eat from a trough. And another thing, it's only 5:15. Why are you in your underwear?
Bart: Hey, this ain't the Ritz.

dan1895

Homer to a pet store parrot;

"That's where your wrong pal. Its not enough to want a cracker, you gotta earn it."

PrettyBoy

Moe: "Let's go to the old mill anyway - get some cider!"

Jordan 199

Krusty: Hello, I'm collecting for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns. Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of 75 Jewish Clowns. The worst incident was during our convention at Lubbock, Texas. There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere! [sobbing] It was terrible!

Homer: Wait a minute! Is this a religous thing?

Krusty: A religous clown thing, yes.

Homer: Sorry.

Krusty: Well, bless you anyw.. [Homer slams the door on his face.]

corblimey

Everything's stolen nowadays. Why the fax machine is nothing but a waffle iron with a phone attached.

Mr Trade In

"Without a Mayor Quimby, our town would really stink.
we wouldn't have a tire yard or an inside roller ring.
we wouldn't have our gallows, or a shiny big foot trap.
its not the Mayor's fault that the stadium collapsed."

"If you were running for Mayor, he'd vote for you."

Jordan 199

Marge: Homer, didn't John seem a bit festive to you?

Homer: Couldn't agree more, happy as a clam.

Marge: He prefers the company of men!

Homer: Who doesn't?

Marge: Homer, listen carefully: John is a ho-mo-

Homer: Right.

Marge: -sexual! (Homer screams.)

the purple tin

Skinner: Mrs. Krabappel, Bart has something he wants to say to you.

Bart: I won't say it!

Skinner: Bart!

Bart: Oh ... [shudders] I love you, Edna Krabappel.


Sherri and Terri: [singing] Bart's going to marry the teacher.

Nelson: Where are you registered, Simpson?

Krabappel: Thank you Bart, that was very sweet. You may sit down now.

Bart: [under breath] You're not going to get away with this.

Krabappel: Class, I'm going to step out for a few minutes. Martin, you're in charge.

Martin: Now Bart...You must promise not to fall in love with me.

Jordan 199

Dr. Wolfe: How often do you brush, Ralph?

Ralph: Three times a day, sir.

Dr. Wolfe: Why must you turn my office into a house of lies?

Ralph: I don't brush! I don't bruuush!!

Dr: Wolfe: Let's look at a picture book, The Big Book of British Smiles. (Ralph is disturbed from looking at the decaying teeth in the book and pushes it away.)

Ralph: That's enough! That's enoouugh!

Jordan 199

Lisa: Where are the dice?

Todd: Daddy says dice are wicked.

Rod: We just move one space at a time. It's less fun that way.

cosmicfart

Japanese trainee Chef: Poison....poison tasty fish, careful careful


Homer: I WANT FUGU!!!

Fart

Wtf is this thread? I think I hate it, everytime I read the first post I cringe.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

cosmicfart

Fart wrote: »

Wtf is this thread? I think I hate it, everytime I read the first post I cringe.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

FOOK OFF THEN SO

sensibleken

Fart wrote: »

Wtf is this thread? I think I hate it, everytime I read the first post I cringe.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

I find your ideas facinating and would like to subscribe to your newsletter

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

sensibleken wrote: »

I find your ideas facinating and would like to subscribe to your newsletter

ISSUE ONE: Lisa needs braces.

(To sunscribe from this newsletter, plesae send a blank emial to [email]unsubscribe at fartnewsletter.com[/email])

Sgt Hartman

Homer watching The Kennedy-Nixon debate

"And now, a word from our sponsors!"

John F. Kennedy: "I'd like to take this opportunity to express my fondness for... Duff Beer."

(Crowd cheers)

Richard Nixon: "I'd also like to express my fondness for, that particular beer."

(Crowd boos)


Homer angrily: "The man never drank a Duff in his life:mad:"

corblimey

I was the happiest guy in the world, but fate likes to play a little game called "Up yours, Moe!"

Omackeral

Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? A this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm… No.

Agnes: [offscreen] Seymour! The house is on fire!
Skinner: No, mother. It’s just the Northern Lights.