Dental plan!

mfdc

Young Homer: Er um look mom, I'm... er um... President Kennedy.
Mrs Simpson: Oh Abe! Do you think our Homer really could be president one day?
*Young Homer turns to Grandpa and smiles*
Abe Simpson: You, president? Son, this is the greatest country in the world! There's a whole system set up... to keep people like you from ever being president. Now quit your daydreaming, melonhead!
*flashback ends*
Grandpa: Quit your daydreaming, melonhead!

Jordan 199

Homer: Flanders! My socks feel dirty! Gimme some water to wash em!

Flanders: Again? Homer, we have to ration the water carefully! It's our only hope!

Homer: Oh, pardon me, mister let's-ration-everything, but what do you think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem, "Water, water everywhere, so lets all have a drink?"

the purple tin

Homer: Moe...Moe...Moe.

Marge: Bart, are you going to Moe the lawn today?

Bart: Okay, but you promised me Moe money.

Marge: I Moe, I Moe!

Homer: Moe...Moe...Moe.

Lisa: When Bart's done, can we Moe to the Moevies? There's a Moetinee.

Marge: Of course, All work and Moe play makes Moe a Moe Moe.

Bart: Moemomoemoe?

Marge: Momomoemoe!

Lisa: Moememoemoemoe!

Bart: Momomomoe.

Maggie: Moe

Jordan 199

Rod: "Oh boy! Liver!"

Todd: "Iron helps us play!"

Jordan 199

Adil: How can you defend a country where five percent of the people control ninety-five percent of the wealth?

Lisa: I'm defending a country where people can think and act and worship any way they want!

Adil: Can not!

Lisa: Can too!

Adil: Can not!

Lisa: Can too!

Homer: Please, please kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity and maybe Adil has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.

ItsAWindUp

You know what the French are like, one minute they're kissing a woman's hand the next they're cutting off her head

Hank_Jones

Comic book guy: Question: is your name Ridley Scott or James Cameron?

Homer: No, it's Homer.

Comic book guy: Then I would thank you to stop peering at my screenplay, _Homer_.
And if I see a movie where computers threaten our personal liberties, I will know you have stolen my idea.

Homer: But I'm just waiting for my kid.

Brain: Mental note -- steal his idea.

Jesus Wept

the purple tin wrote: »

Skinner: Mrs. Krabappel, Bart has something he wants to say to you.

Bart's teacher's name is Krabappel? I've been calling her Crab Apple! Why didn't anybody tell me? Now I look like an idiot.

cml387

The-Rigger wrote: »

Bart's teacher's name is Krabappel? I've been calling her Crab Apple! Why didn't anybody tell me? Now I look like an idiot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX7wtNOkuHo

Jordan 199

Millhouse: I have nothing to offer you but my love.

Burns: I specifically said "No geeks!"

Millhouse: But my mam says i'm cool.

Burns: Next!

Nelson: Gimme your fortune or i'll pound your withered old face in!

Burns: Oh, I like his energy. Put him on the call back list.

Martin: (singing) Clang, clang, clang went the trolley/Ring, ring, ring wen't the bell/Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings.../Oooh! (Nelson digs Martin in the belly).

Burns: Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.

timmy880

Homer: Hey boy. Wanna play catch?

Bart: No thanks dad.

Homer: When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong.

Grampa: I'll play catch with you.

Homer: Go home.

Professey Chin

Treehouse of Horror 3 was on yesterday. Probably the best ever with the killer doll segment and the zombies. The King Kong part wasnt great though.

Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car's okay?
Lisa, Bart: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.

Ned Flanders: Hey, Simpson. I'm feeling a might peckish. Mind if I chew your ear?
[Homer kills Flanders by blasting his head apart with a shotgun]
Bart: Dad! You killed the zombie Flanders.
Homer: He was a zombie?

The evil shop getting barts present.
Homer: Do you sell toys?
Shopkeeper: We sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread... we also sell frozen yogurt, which I call "frogurt"!

Shopkeeper:Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Ooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good.
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings.
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled]
Shopkeeper: ...That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

corblimey

The-Rigger wrote: »

Bart's teacher's name is Krabappel? I've been calling her Crab Apple! Why didn't anybody tell me? Now I look like an idiot.

<cough>Oh, I've been calling her Crandall</cough>

Homer: You too, Fred Thompson
Fred Thompson: But I was in Die Hard
Homer: Tuh, Die Hard Two

the purple tin

Help me! Help me! Mmmm, it's cran-tastic!

Jordan 199

Principal Skinner: Tonight Sherbert's, heh, heh, Schubert's Unfinished Symphony.

Homer: Oh good, unfinished. This shouldn't take long.

coonecb1

T minus five seconds and counting. When the bells ring, the
students stream out the doors, but before they can disappear for
good, a teacher properly concludes their education.

Teacher: Wait a minute! You didn't learn how World War II ended!
Class: [pause their celebration, awaiting the answer]
Teacher: We won!
Class: Yay! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

coonecb1

Homer and Marge exercise to a television yoga class.

Just let your head flop back and forward.
Your neck is a well cooked piece of asparagus.
-- Sadrodin Muraradad's Yoga Party, ``Kamp Krusty''

The program is interrupted by a special bulletin: ``Krisis at Kamp Krusty''.

Kent Brockman: Ladies and Gentleman, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together.

In the background, Krusty is burnt in effigy. Kent is granted an
interview with the ring-leader...

Homer: Don't be the boy, don't be the boy...

It's the boy. Homer immediately loses his hair and regains his gut.

Hockney

Abe:

"This elevator only goes to the basement!

And someone made an aawwwwwwful mess down there....."

Jordan 199

Marge: ...that's Michelangelo's "David." It's a masterpiece!

Helen Lovejoy: It's filth. It graphically portraits parts of the human body which, practical as they maybe, are evil!

Marge: But I like that statue.

Maude Flanders to Helen: I told you she was soft on full frontal nudity.

corblimey

Bart: Click that one, Mom
Lisa: No, go up
Bart: Keep going--up, up, up!
Lisa: The blue ones are ads
Bart: That’s the toolbar
Lisa: No you’ve opened Word; close it!
Bart: Close it. Do-don’t save it!
Lisa: Stop clicking
Bart: Don’t go there!
Lisa: Why are you buying a freezer?
Bart: Don’t click the cart or you’ve bought it!
Lisa: Aw, you clicked the cart!

Just because it reminded me of this (already posted, but what isn't these days?)

Lisa: Okay, start with diagonal colors
Homer: Use your main finger on the yellow side and your other finger on the orange side and turn it
Marge: My main finger?
Bart: Orange to orange...
Lisa: Now you have to turn it back, Mom...
Homer: You gotta start backwards...
Bart: Mom, Mom...
Lisa: No, not so fast! No, ignore the red...
Bart: No, no, no...
Homer: Alternate corners...
Marge: One at a time!
Bart: Spin the middle side topwise. Topwise!

Also:

Calm down, Neddly diddily diddily diddily, doodily. They did their best shodaiddily iddily iddily diddily diddily. Gotta be nice, hostidididildilidilly ah HELL diddily ding dong crap! Can't you morons do anything RIGHT!?

[copied for accuracy]

Fear Uladh

Edna Krabappel: Now, whose calculator can tell what seven times eight is?
Milhouse Van Houten: Oh! Oh! Low Battery?
Edna Krabappel: [sighs] Whatever.

krudler

corblimey wrote: »

Calm down, Neddly diddily diddily diddily, doodily. They did their best shodaiddily iddily iddily diddily diddily. Gotta be nice, hostidididildilidilly ah HELL diddily ding dong crap! Can't you morons do anything RIGHT!?

[copied for accuracy]

Ned's meltdown is one of my favourite moments ever. everyone looking at Homer as he walks up to him expecting him to go nuts:

Ned: "Homer...you're the worst human being I've ever met"
Homer: "hey,I got off pretty easy"

and Ned whistling to himself as he drives his car straight through the gates of the mental hospital, brilliant

Professey Chin

krudler wrote: »

Ned's meltdown is one of my favourite moments ever. everyone looking at Homer as he walks up to him expecting him to go nuts:

Ned: "Homer...you're the worst human being I've ever met"
Homer: "hey,I got off pretty easy"

and Ned whistling to himself as he drives his car straight through the gates of the mental hospital, brilliant

"Would you like to be shown to your room or dragged away kicking and screaming?"
"ooo. Kicking and screaming please."
"As you wish."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

krudler

The Great Chinholio wrote: »

"Would you like to be shown to your room or dragged away kicking and screaming?"
"ooo. Kicking and screaming please."
"As you wish."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"you might even say...I hate the post office. and my parents....lousy beatniks"

Professey Chin

krudler wrote: »

"you might even say...I hate the post office. and my parents....lousy beatniks"

"Im Dick Tracy. Take that Prune Face! Now Im Prune Face! Take that Dick Tracy! Now Im Prune Tracy. Take that Di...."
"Ned! Stop that!"

reallyrose

"We've tried nothin' and we're all out of ideas!"

NothingMan

The University of Minnesota Spankalogical Protocol.

Jordan 199

corblimey wrote: »

Calm down, Neddly diddily diddily diddily, doodily. They did their best shodaiddily iddily iddily diddily diddily. Gotta be nice, hostidididildilidilly ah HELL diddily ding dong crap! Can't you morons do anything RIGHT!?

(Crowd gasps.)

Marge: Ned we meant well and everyone here tried their best!

Ned: Well my family and I can't live on good intentions, Marge! Oh, your family is out of control but we can't blame you because you've got goood intentions!

Bart: Hey, back off, man!

Ned: Oh, okay, duuude! I wouldn't want you to have a cow maaan! Here's a carchphrase you better learn for your adult years: "Hey buddy, got a quarter?"

(Crowd gasps again.)

Bart: I'm shocked and appalled.

Professey Chin

Ned: You ugly hate filled man
Moe: Hey I may be ugly and hate filled but...what was that 3rd thing you said?

foxyboxer

The Great Chinholio wrote: »

Ned: You ugly hate filled man
Moe: Hey I may be ugly and hate filled but...what was that 3rd thing you said?

*To Lenny* I don't know who you are, but I'm sure you're a jerk!

I just got here, what's going on?