Dental plan!

Jordan 199

Homer finds $20 under the couch.

Homer: Twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!

Homer's brain: Twenty Dollars can buy you many peanuts.

Homer: Explain...

Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Homer: Woohoo!

Herb Powell

Judge: I sentence you to life
Homer: You moron, I'm already alive!

FTGFOP

Hey, don't touch that dial, you've got KUDD on it.

corblimey

Dr.Hibbert: You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr.Hibbert: The second is anger
Homer: Why you little...
Dr.Hibbert: After that comes fear
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr.Hibbert: Bargaining
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr.Hibbert: Finally, acceptance
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime

mfdc

davetherave wrote: »

Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?

Nice work boys! Looks like we can close the book on just about every unsolved crime in our fair city.

ItsAWindUp

Rich Texan: Outta my way, you seatbelt wearing cowards.

HankScorpio1985

Milhouse: Trust me Bart it's better you walk in on both parents than to walk in on just one.

im invisible

Marge : Oh, Homey, look at that watch. I've always wanted a watch like that.
Homer : Well, maybe someone will give you one for Christmas!
(thinking) Now she'll really be surprised when she opens that ironing board cover!

Jordan 199

Homer and Mr. Burns are playing golf.

Burns: For god sakes, man. Use an open-faced club. The sand wedge.

Homer: Mmmmm... open faced club sandwich.

Jordan 199

Homer: Can't get enough of that wonderful Duff.

Johnny D. Mudd

davetherave wrote: »

Ahhh the one where Mr Burns gets a load of ringers in for the softball team is on. Possibly the best episode ever.


Homer Simpson: Hey Clemens, did I make the team?
Roger Clemens: You sure did.
Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo! In your face, Strawberry!
Roger Clemens: Wait a minute. Are you Ken Griffey Jr.?
Homer Simpson: No.
Roger Clemens: Sorry. Didn't mean to get your hopes up.

Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?


Barney: [in Moe's Tavern] And I say, that England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!
Barney: Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!
Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs!
[punches him out]
Moe: Yeah, that's showing him, Barn'!
[disbelieving]
Moe: Pitt the Elder...
Barney: Lord Palmerston!
[punches him out]

Homer: You're Darryl Strawberry.
Strawberry: Yes.
Homer: You play right field?
Strawberry: Yes.
Homer: I play right field too.
Strawberry:So?
Homer: Well, are you better than me?
Strawberry: Well I've never met you but, yes.

And to play us out:

Here's a song we all enjoy:

Well Mr Burns had done it.
The Power Plant had won it.
With Roger Clemmon clucking all the while.
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile.
While Wade Boggs lay unconcious on the bar-room tile.

We're talking softball, from Main to San Diego.
Ken Griffith's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run in with the law.
We're talking Homer, Ozzy and the Straw.

We're talking softball, from Main to San Diego.
Ken Griffith's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run in with the law.
We're talking Homer, Ozzy and the Straw.

Jordan 199

Homer at the gun shop.

Homer: I'd like your deadliest gun please.

Shop employee: Aisle 6 - next to the sympathy cards.

Homer: Now, I believe you have some sort of firearm for me.

Shop employee: Well, let's see here. According to your background check, you've been in a mental institution...

Homer: Yeah.

Shop employee: Frequent problems with alcohol...

Homer: Yeah.

Shop employee: Beat up President Bush!

Homer: Former President Bush.

[Shop employee stamps Homer's form with red ink.]

Homer: "Potentially dangerous?"

Shop employee: Relax, that limits you to three handguns or less.

Homer: Woohoo!

Omackeral

At Professor Frink's yard sale considering purchasing a transporter

Homer : Three dollars... And it only transports matter?

kkelly77

"Keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake"

Tesco Massacre

Oh Puppy Goo Goo, fetch me a dream.

corblimey

Marge: Do you think those things could also have contributed to my fear of flying?
Psychiatrist: Yes, yes, it's all a rich tapestry

Jordan 199

Film Springfield

reap-a-rat

Lisa: But it can’t be an angel!
Moe: Oh, yeah? If you’re so sure what it ain’t, how about telling us what it am?

Jordan 199

Burns: 7-G? Good God, who's the safety inspector there?

Smithers: Uh, Homer Simpson, sir.

Burns: Simpson eh? Good man? Intelligent?

Smithers: Actually sir, he was hired under "Project Bootstrap."

Burns: (bitterly) Thank you, President Ford.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

(Singing in his car to the Flintstones theme tune)

Simp-son - Ho-mer Simp-son,
He's the greatest guy is his-tor-eeee
From the - town of springfield
He's about to hit a chestnut tree ...

(Crashes into tree)

corblimey

Dr.Nick: Hi, everybody!
Mr.Burns: Ho, mer-Simp son!

Jordan 199

Truckasaurus ad.

TV Voice 1: Plus the amazing...

TV voice 2: The astounding...

TV voice 3: The unbelievable...

All 3 voices: Truckasaurus!!

TV voice 2: Twenty tons and four stories of car crunching fire breathing prehistoric insanity!

TV voice 1: One night only!

TV voice 2: One night only!

TV voice 3: One night only at the Springfield Speedway, this Saturday!

TV voice 1: If you miss this, you'd better be dead or in jail!

TV voice 2: And if you're in jail, break out!

TV voice 3: Be there!

Brendog

Cheif Wiggum: "Hells Satans"? Well I've got my eye on you.

Homer: Nice try pig, but we're going the speed limit! Oinkoinkoinkoink

Carl: Haha Oink Oink

Cheif Wiggum: Well You'll slip up sometime and I'll be there to get you.

Homer: Hey pig you can knock me down but you'll never stop "The Cobras"

Cheif Wiggum: "The Cobras"? I thought your name was "Hells Satans"?

Homer: eh....ummm OINKOINKOINK!! *speeds away*

corblimey

They love! They share!
They share and love and share!
Love, love, love!
Share, share, share!
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!

Rega

They're not even wearing a smile .... nod suggestively.

Jordan 199

Lisa: Because it doesn't make any sense at all! If you believe in angels why not unicorns or elves, or leprechauns?

Kent: Oh that's ridiculous Lisa, everyone knows leprechauns are extinct!

reap-a-rat

Skinner: Mother doesn't approve of me dating so I need you to keep
her busy for a few hours while Edna and I sneak out.
[sneaks out]
Bart: Oh, I can't take much more of this.
Mrs. Skinner: I collect pictures of cakes that I clip out of the
magazines. It all started in 1941 when "Good
Housekeeping" featured a photo of a lovely cake. [opens
album]
Bart: You wouldn't happen to have any real cakes around here,
would you?
Mrs. Skinner: Oh, my, no. I don't care for cake, too sweet. Now, this
is called a Lady Baltimore cake. [points to a picture]
At my age, I don't have much saliva left, so you'll have
to lick my thumb before I can turn the page. [gives Bart
the thumbs-up]
Bart: Oh, can't I just turn the page for you? [reaches for the
page]
Mrs. Skinner: [slaps Bart's hand away] No! But you can pick out any
picture you want to take home with you.
Bart: Okay ... that one. [points]
Mrs. Skinner: [slaps Bart's hand away] No! You can't have that one!
That's a coconut cake!

the keen edge

Homer to man whose house he has just driven through (because he thought it was a covered bridge):

“We should exchange insurance information. I have none.”

membersonly

Channel 4 now!

CMpunked

membersonly wrote: »

Channel 4 now!

SKY PLUS'd and never delete!