Dental plan!

GLaDOS

Hello, I'm Shary Bobbins.

Did you say Mary Po...

No, I definitely did not. I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse, or Monald Muck.

mccarte2

Must... kill... Moe... Wheeeeeee! Must... kill... Moe... Wheeeeeee!

Vanderbilt

dude, he's ragging on your cord

Sgt Hartman

Barney My name's Barney and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa Mister Gumble, this is a girl scout's meeting.
Barney Or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?

the purple tin

Homer: Oh, here we are "The Utility Room".

Marge: This isn't very erotic. It's an actual utility room.

Homer: No, honey: it's a romantic fantasy. I imagine I'm the janitor
and you're...the janitor's wife, who has to live with me in the
utility room.

Manager: I]walking in[/I Don't mind me, folks, just need to get the old
wet-dry vac.

Volvagia

Homer: OK, boy, I wrote down exactly what to say. Just read it and you're a shoo-in!

Bart: [walks onstage, squints at cue cards] Hello, Mr. ...Kurns. I bad want...money now. Me sick.

Homer: Ooh, he card-reads good.

Bart: So pick please me, Mr. Burns.

Homer: {[calling from offstage] It's "Kurns", stupid!}

membersonly

"If you were 17 we'd be rich, but Nooo, you had to be ten.."

rmchmufc

From Bart The Murderer

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no.

Hockney

That's Homer Simpson sir, one of our chair-moisteners from sector 7G.

qwerty93

Milhouse: I checked around.. the girls are calling you Fatty Fat Fat Fat, and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants. Buuut.. nobody's trying to kill ya.
Bart: Aaah... that's good.
Nelson: *pulls down pants*
Group Of Girls: "Fatty fat fat fat, fatty fatty fat fat!"

the purple tin

Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers.

Marzipan85

Captain McAllister: Yarr, matey. Nary a warning light to be seen. 'Tis clear sailing ahead for our precious cargo.
Sailor: Uh, would that be the hot pants, sir?
Captain McAllister: Aye, the hot pants

blackwhite

Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done.

blackwhite

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

blackwhite

I know you can read my thoughts, boy: Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow.

Predalien

Brazilian Dance Instructor: "Here is where we invented the Lambada and the Macarena. Now we are working on our most powerful dance: La Penetrada! It makes sex look like a church."

corblimey

A hundred bucks for a comic book? Who drew it, Michael Milangelo?

Vanderbilt

Oh our transaction is completed, you may take the boy

corblimey

Two days without a quote? That's unpossible!

I'm no supervising technician, I'm a technical supervisor!

HandsomeDivil

Hi, I'm Chad Sexington, the model for Burly Paper Towels.


Young Carl: Y'know what I'm really looking forward to? Have you heard about this internet thing?

Young Lenny: The Internet?

Carl: Yeah, its the inner netting they invented to line swim trunks. It provides a comforting snugness.

Volvagia

Homer - "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"

the purple tin

Skinner: Order, order! Do you kids want to be like the real U.N., or do you just want to squabble and waste time?

qwerty93

Welcome to Lee Carvello's putting challenge. I am Carvello. Now chose a club... You have chosen a 3 wood. May I suggest a putter? 3 wood. Now enter the force of your swing, I suggest feather touch. You have entered power drive, now push 7 - 8 - 7 to swing. (pushes buttons, ball lands) ball is in parking lot. Would you like to play again... You have selected No.

crushproof

qwerty93 wrote: »

Welcome to Lee Carvello's putting challenge. I am Carvello. Now chose a club... You have chosen a 3 wood. May I suggest a putter? 3 wood. Now enter the force of your swing, I suggest feather touch. You have entered power drive, now push 7 - 8 - 7 to swing. (pushes buttons, ball lands) ball is in parking lot. Would you like to play again... You have selected No.

Awesome.

"Billy is DEAD McGarnagle...They slit his throat from ear to ear."

"HEY! I'm trying to eat my lunch here."

Jordan 199

Maude Flanders: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?

Todd: Hell no!

Maude: What did you say?

Todd: I said I don't want any damn vegetables.

Ned: All right, that's it, young man! No bible stories for you tonight!

Maude: Weren't you a little hard on him?

Ned: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.

the purple tin

Barney: Mayday, mayday! The engine room has sprung a leak! It's filling up with a clear, non-alcoholic liquid!

Homer: You mean water?

Barney: Yeh, that's it.

Lady von Purple

Lunchlady Doris: 'There's very little meat in these gym mats.'

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

(Background news headlines from recent episode)

Obama calls mulligan on first term!
EU puts Greece on eBay

Volvagia

Bart: People, people! It's time we all discussed the pool safety rules!
Kids: [chanting] Jump, Bart, jump! Jump, Bart,
Bart: You got it!
Nelson: Hey, Bart! Your epidermis is showing.
Bart: [worried] It is? [checks himself] [the kids laugh] [Bart falls, starts yelling]
Nelson: [to Kearney] See, "epidermis" means your hair. [Bart lands with a thud] So technically it's true. That's what makes it so funny. Pardon me a moment -- [at Bart] Ha ha!
Milhouse: Hey Nelson, he's really hurt. I think he broke his leg.
Nelson: [exasperated] I said, "Ha ha"!

Riddle101

Treehouse of horror episode today with lots of good ones

Mayor Quimby: I stand by my ethnic slur. Let the French do their worst.
Later one after the French launch a nuke
Mayor Quimby: I bet I get blamed for this.

Prof Frink: I take it from your interested expressions that you're interest in my matter transporter machine
Homer: I don't know, $2 for a machine that only transfers matter.


Homer: Sorry but this is a highly sophisticated doo-whackey. If you don't use it responsibly… Kablammo!
*punches lisa in the face accidently using the machine*
Lisa: Ow! someone punched me in the face
Homer: It was your mother

Lisa: If they're really witches, why don't they use their powers to get free?
Homer: That sounds like witch talk to me
Lisa: Never mind