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Child maintenance in Ireland

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    #32
    Klingon Hamlet
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Klingon Hamlet


    How many is "a lot".

    I'm a dad by the way so I don't get a penny. I work and pay child maintenance.

    I've been through the courts system, I know it inside and out. I know the benefit system inside and out. I'm very much aware that people of a certain mindset will use their position as parent to their advantage.

    However claiming "a lot" of mums are moneygrabbers and "a lot" of dads are deadbeat simply perpetuates the myth that in general, single parents are substandard and deserve their derision by society. It simply feeds the general ignorance shown towards single parents in genune need of support, assistance and representation in society.


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    #33
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Dublin_Gunner wrote: »
    But thats what I said. Its a great thing about text - you can mean it literally. If I meant 'most' or 'all' or 'all I've ever witnessed' etc I would have said that.

    How many is A LOT? If you want to get literal. I'd like a percentage.


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    #34
    Dublin_Gunner
    Registered Users Posts: 7,692 ✭✭✭Dublin_Gunner


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    How many is A LOT? If you want to get literal. I'd like a percentage.


    To work out a percentage, I'd have to meet them all. Hardly possible.

    However, I've enough experience in the area to know that a 'lot' should be a fairly representative claim to make.

    There is one friend of mine who I would consider to be a 'money grabber' so its not like I'm basing this merely from my own personal experiences.

    Sure, a lot of dads are useless - I know one of those too.

    My opinion is just as valid as both of yours - however I'm not the one that will get the thanked posts for being PC.


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    #35
    analbeads
    Closed Accounts Posts: 74 ✭✭analbeads


    Dublin_Gunner wrote: »
    It works both ways.

    I said a LOT not ALL. People should really read posts before jumping to conclusions.


    ya i reacted to what was said but i explained what i ment by it.
    i never mentioned "ALL" either so maybe take your own advise and read before you post aswell


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    #36
    Dublin_Gunner
    Registered Users Posts: 7,692 ✭✭✭Dublin_Gunner


    analbeads wrote: »
    ya i reacted to what was said but i explained what i ment by it.
    i never mentioned "ALL" either so maybe take your own advise and read before you post aswell


    I didn't criticise your post for anything like that:confused::confused:


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    #37
    analbeads
    Closed Accounts Posts: 74 ✭✭analbeads


    Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

    I'm a dad by the way so I don't get a penny. I work and pay child maintenance.
    QUOTE]

    your child is lucky and i wish all men would do the same. children deserve to be supported and cared for by both parents.


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    #38
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Dublin_Gunner wrote: »
    To work out a percentage, I'd have to meet them all. Hardly possible.

    However, I've enough experience in the area to know that a 'lot' should be a fairly representative claim to make.

    There is one friend of mine who I would consider to be a 'money grabber' so its not like I'm basing this merely from my own personal experiences.

    Sure, a lot of dads are useless - I know one of those too.

    My opinion is just as valid as both of yours - however I'm not the one that will get the thanked posts for being PC.

    You know one of each. Great.

    But you know what, without numbers its just a myth. And a dangerous myth at that, because the more people believe it is common, the more it becomes acceptable.

    I am parenting completely alone. Ok. Now this seems to be 'ah sure lots of kids are raised without dads' and people think this is ok. Where I come from it is stringently stigmatised, it is the low, the gutter who does this. In Ireland, because of the "ALOT OF PEOPLE"do x,y, or z, it becomes more palaatable, and it shouldnt be.

    ANd its the same with the mothers and custody, although its not as much of an issue because of enforcement and also because it's just not acceptable.


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    #39
    analbeads
    Closed Accounts Posts: 74 ✭✭analbeads


    Dublin_Gunner wrote: »
    I didn't criticise your post for anything like that:confused::confused:

    you posted the below comment. can you explain what you ment?
    Dublin_Gunner wrote: »
    It works both ways.

    I said a LOT not ALL. People should really read posts before jumping to conclusions.


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    #40
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Can we please discuss the topic and not pick at posts, please play the ball and not the player, if anyone has an issue with any post then please report it.


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    #41
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    StillWaters wrote: »
    It's not too late to build a relationship now.
    Dublin_Gunner wrote: »
    It's NEVER too late.

    With regards these posts, I do believe the child may be the one deciding how much of a relationship they want with their father. As they are at an age where they have their own opinion and may feel that they do not want the father in their lives! It is all down to the child! You cannot force them into access that is not fair on them.

    And since the father is not in touch with the child at present, the child may have a father figure in the mothers partner/husband and may not want their biological father at all.

    Just my two cents


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    #42
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    wolfpawnat wrote: »
    With regards these posts, I do believe the child may be the one deciding how much of a relationship they want with their father. As they are at an age where they have their own opinion and may feel that they do not want the father in their lives! It is all down to the child! You cannot force them into access that is not fair on them.

    And since the father is not in touch with the child at present, the child may have a father figure in the mothers partner/husband and may not want their biological father at all.

    Just my two cents

    You see that's the thing. If they have missed the bonding age then there becomes a danger that the child can make preferences. The bond guarantees that its not about chemistry or preference, a bond is there whether or not you 'like your parent."


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    #43
    Dublin_Gunner
    Registered Users Posts: 7,692 ✭✭✭Dublin_Gunner


    wolfpawnat wrote: »
    With regards these posts, I do believe the child may be the one deciding how much of a relationship they want with their father. As they are at an age where they have their own opinion and may feel that they do not want the father in their lives! It is all down to the child! You cannot force them into access that is not fair on them.

    And since the father is not in touch with the child at present, the child may have a father figure in the mothers partner/husband and may not want their biological father at all.

    Just my two cents


    I think the point being made is that its never too late to at least attempt to build that relationship - whether the child takes to the parent or not is anyone's guess, and as you correctly stated, the child may not want a relationship at that stage, and may even resent the father.

    But, its never too late to try.


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    #44
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    Dublin_Gunner wrote: »
    But, its never too late to try.

    Oh god yes, try, just don't expect the child to run to you with open arms!


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    #45
    Klingon Hamlet
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Klingon Hamlet


    wolfpawnat wrote: »
    Oh god yes, try, just don't expect the child to run to you with open arms!

    Neither should the fear of them rejecting you cause you even one moment's hesitation. I know there's no guarantee but better to try be there in your child's life, than back off afraid that it won't work out.


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    #46
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Klingon Hamlet wrote: »
    Neither should the fear of them rejecting you cause you even one moment's hesitation. I know there's no guarantee but better to try be there in your child's life, than back off afraid that it won't work out.

    Of course. But sometimes courtship and persistence is necessary. The child might not trust you knowing that you already ran away once and reject you initially until you prove yourself.


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    #47
    Klingon Hamlet
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Klingon Hamlet


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    Of course. But sometimes courtship and persistence is necessary. The child might not trust you knowing that you already ran away once and reject you initially until you prove yourself.

    Agreed. Children of any age can "make strange". Doesn't mean you should give up.


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    #48
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Klingon Hamlet wrote: »
    Agreed. Children of any age can "make strange". Doesn't mean you should give up.

    Giving up just proves you are going to run away again. That is my point. YOu have to court them so they can trust you, especially if you had abandoned them, then its going to take some hard work and a few knocks.


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    #49
    Klingon Hamlet
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Klingon Hamlet


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    Giving up just proves you are going to run away again. That is my point. YOu have to court them so they can trust you, especially if you had abandoned them, then its going to take some hard work and a few knocks.

    It can help if the other parent offers some encouragement to the child.


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    #50
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Klingon Hamlet wrote: »
    It can help if the other parent offers some encouragement to the child.

    It is essential. So you need to earn their trust too. Not always easy.


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    #51
    K-9
    Registered Users Posts: 43,311 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    Gavin1234 wrote: »
    Hi,

    Good morning

    First post, new to this so I'll just explain the situation and take it from here. Mod{s} feel free to let me know if the below is too much advice driven - do not intend it to be. Having read some other discussions around this topic, it seems to be inline with topic forumz.

    A relative was seeing this girl {teen} about Ten - Twelve years ago, and this girl claimed to be pregnant. Just dating, not married or living together.

    There was an underhand situation going on {girl wanted to get pregnant and had tried with previous men but to no avail. Told guy was taking the pill but obviously lying - this was confirmed by this girls best friend - guy should have been more aware but trust played in the favour of the girl}.

    Relative asked for proof and the girl did not want to attend a doctors. To cut a long story short - the guy walked away due to the underhandedness. Ten years or so and no contact from this girl - no woman, obviously.


    G

    I'll leave the other stuff as it has been well answered, but maybe he should take the initiative and find out if the child is his? He has understandable doubts (based on hearsay) but is he worried that he may have a child out there that he knows nothing about?

    Sorry, it's just I get the impression that money is more the worry. (Just going on your OP, which is just asking simple, understandable questions)

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



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